Mother Asked About Abuse

[sorryson]

After all this time my Mama asked about my abuse. I was taken off guard, not knowing what to say. She askd simple questions, like whena and where. I gave her some information but did not want to share what was done to me. I think she knows. She asked the most difficult question, did I think it would not have happened if she had not left us? I tried to dance around the answer but in the end said yes. Most of me believes my abuser knew Mama was gone and I was lonely. She sat silent and then said, I think you are right. Mama then told me it was wrong for her to leave. She said I did nto have to go but said she did not want to hear how her sisters did everything and she did nother and the brothers calling to say they were tired of hearing all the complaints from the sisters and she better get there. Mama said she should have said I have a sick husband and three children that need me. Mama said she was taught or learned she must listen to them. She asked if I was ok. I said yes.

I felt bad for Mama, my abuse was bad but then I realized her family bullied and used her for a lifetime. Now she is realizing this and said she lost everything. She lost her husband, drove him into bankruptcy, drove hime to blank out from abuse and demands, and destroyed her children from not having a Dad. Mama said she was so sad that someone hurt her little boy,me, like I was when I was sexually abused. I think Mama is putting all the pieces of the puzzle together and realizng Dad was not the bad one but rather the scapegoat. I hope she can learn to be happy. I do not think she has been happy since leaving us years and years ago.

 

[KMCINVA]

Paul

It took a lot of courage for your mother to ask about the abuse. Hearing about and apologizing is different than wanting to hear from you. I do hope as you said, your mother does find happiness. I was wondering how did you feel about the question? I know it is a difficult question and when asked unexpectedly, it can throw one off. The question sounded like it come from the right place in her heart. I can only imagine the internal torment she must be living, knowing her actions caused much pain and triggered your father to cause more pain and then as the victims come to deal with the abuses (you the CSA and the family situation) more pain for you, your brother and mother. A vicious cycle. At least it will not be repeated in another generation.

thank you for sharing and I hope you are holding it together with everything you are dealing with in your life.

Kevin