More flies with honey - TRIGGERS!
We have now completed a full week back at school. I teach kids from 8th grade through hi school seniors, and also supervise an independent study time for 6th grade. At times the experiences at school can be somewhat triggering. The worst years of my life were 6th and 7th grade. That was when I was systematically bullied and abused by a gang of jocks who would catch me in the rest rooms, lockers, showers and even hallways and have their way with me. They would regularly try to expose me, look at and mock me, stimulate me, and get me aroused. Once I was even gang groped, forced to erection, and masturbated on a school field trip bus ride. They were going for ejaculation but we never got that far.
Anyway now there is a senior boy in one of my classes who nearly always gives me a big hug whenever he sees me. I know that I am forbidden from initiating this kind of action, but am not sure what to do when he makes the gesture. He is a big kid over 6 feet tall, (I am only 57) very athletic, and seems totally straight. I dont think that there is any ulterior motive in his behavior. He comes from an intact family, but his dad works out of town and is at home only on a couple of weekends a month. There is absolutely no danger to him from me. I am not attracted to him but am somewhat emotionally conflicted. And I am not sure how to respond. I have been sort of half-hugging him back and giving him a couple of pats on the back. I dont want to make him feel rejected but neither do I want to encourage his gestures. BTW, he also hugs his friends and other adults not just me. We are in an overseas setting so the US laws do not apply.
This is the kind of male affection that seems totally innocent and that I craved all of my life. My father died when I was 3 and my mom remarried when I was 5 and the step-dad was abusive in many ways. There was never any hint of affection in his touch quite the contrary. At the time that I was being bullied in middle school, I would have willingly submitted to any of the bullies suggestions or requests if they had been communicated in the context of friendship, affection and kindness. In other words, catching flies with honey, rather than vinegar. I guess I am saying that I was a perfect target for grooming, but that was not how it rolled.
Just thinking about the safe-touch-starved boy that I was nearly brings me to tears. If that is what my student is seeking, I dont want to deprive him. And then again It may not mean anything at all. Any thoughts?
Lee
Anyway now there is a senior boy in one of my classes who nearly always gives me a big hug whenever he sees me. I know that I am forbidden from initiating this kind of action, but am not sure what to do when he makes the gesture. He is a big kid over 6 feet tall, (I am only 57) very athletic, and seems totally straight. I dont think that there is any ulterior motive in his behavior. He comes from an intact family, but his dad works out of town and is at home only on a couple of weekends a month. There is absolutely no danger to him from me. I am not attracted to him but am somewhat emotionally conflicted. And I am not sure how to respond. I have been sort of half-hugging him back and giving him a couple of pats on the back. I dont want to make him feel rejected but neither do I want to encourage his gestures. BTW, he also hugs his friends and other adults not just me. We are in an overseas setting so the US laws do not apply.
This is the kind of male affection that seems totally innocent and that I craved all of my life. My father died when I was 3 and my mom remarried when I was 5 and the step-dad was abusive in many ways. There was never any hint of affection in his touch quite the contrary. At the time that I was being bullied in middle school, I would have willingly submitted to any of the bullies suggestions or requests if they had been communicated in the context of friendship, affection and kindness. In other words, catching flies with honey, rather than vinegar. I guess I am saying that I was a perfect target for grooming, but that was not how it rolled.
Just thinking about the safe-touch-starved boy that I was nearly brings me to tears. If that is what my student is seeking, I dont want to deprive him. And then again It may not mean anything at all. Any thoughts?
Lee
