... more changes ...
... well, the only thing for certain around here lately is change ... scary, but not necessarily bad ...
... first of all, k seems to have had just a dam burst of emotions ... he says, in genuine amazement and at least a couple times a day, "it's like i've never seen it before!" ... it's really quite amazing ... i feel like i'm watching someone come alive ... or wake up from a dream ...
...he said to me yesterday morning that "it's like when you wake up and haven't opened your eyes yet and it all seems dark and you can't tell what anything is ... then you finally open your eyes and see the sun and no matter how tightly you close you eyes again you can't get the image of the light out of your eyes ..." ... this is from a man who had trouble stringing two words together for the last 18 years ... and he's talking SO much ... it seems, by comparison, like a torrent at times ... he seems to want to talk about everything ...
... k has always been too intimidated to ever try to do anything on his own, but the other morning he went down in the basement and made a chess board for our daughter ... it was SUCH profoundly new behavior that for a minute or two i literally couldn't believe that he'd done it ... his newfound confidence is sporadic, but definitely growing ...
... as far as nonsexual affection, he's new to that, too ... we hug all the time and he holds my hand long enough for ME to get uncomfortable ... we cuddle when we're sleeping ... and, again, it's all new to him ... and he seems to mostly be enjoying the heck out of it ...
... every single person who matters to us knows ... they know about it all ... and he's amazed that they haven't changed towards him at all and that they are sympathetic and see him as a victim rather than the piece of shit he assumed he was ... it seems particularly important for k that my father has remained friends with him just as always ...
... i've gotten some support and understanding about his acting out and my decision to stay ... even from my mother ... i told her we were having sex again - which may have been sharing too much - but she understood why i could and would ...
... yes, it's still tough ... and k still doesn't trust his feelings or much of anything yet ... and we need to find therapists for both of us ... and i'm sure there are years of therapy and hard work ahead for both of us ... and i can only say that for now i've chosen to stay ... no one can commit to more than that ... but it's exciting, too ... seeing k blossom and have so many totally new experiences is thrilling and i'm doing the same in a lot of ways as well ... and he's even starting to get into a place where he's wanting to know about my own experience with everything, including this ...
... it's hard and it's heartbreaking at times, this experience, but i have the feeling it has the potential to be one of the most profound experiences in my life ...
selene
... first of all, k seems to have had just a dam burst of emotions ... he says, in genuine amazement and at least a couple times a day, "it's like i've never seen it before!" ... it's really quite amazing ... i feel like i'm watching someone come alive ... or wake up from a dream ...
...he said to me yesterday morning that "it's like when you wake up and haven't opened your eyes yet and it all seems dark and you can't tell what anything is ... then you finally open your eyes and see the sun and no matter how tightly you close you eyes again you can't get the image of the light out of your eyes ..." ... this is from a man who had trouble stringing two words together for the last 18 years ... and he's talking SO much ... it seems, by comparison, like a torrent at times ... he seems to want to talk about everything ...
... k has always been too intimidated to ever try to do anything on his own, but the other morning he went down in the basement and made a chess board for our daughter ... it was SUCH profoundly new behavior that for a minute or two i literally couldn't believe that he'd done it ... his newfound confidence is sporadic, but definitely growing ...
... as far as nonsexual affection, he's new to that, too ... we hug all the time and he holds my hand long enough for ME to get uncomfortable ... we cuddle when we're sleeping ... and, again, it's all new to him ... and he seems to mostly be enjoying the heck out of it ...
... every single person who matters to us knows ... they know about it all ... and he's amazed that they haven't changed towards him at all and that they are sympathetic and see him as a victim rather than the piece of shit he assumed he was ... it seems particularly important for k that my father has remained friends with him just as always ...
... i've gotten some support and understanding about his acting out and my decision to stay ... even from my mother ... i told her we were having sex again - which may have been sharing too much - but she understood why i could and would ...
... yes, it's still tough ... and k still doesn't trust his feelings or much of anything yet ... and we need to find therapists for both of us ... and i'm sure there are years of therapy and hard work ahead for both of us ... and i can only say that for now i've chosen to stay ... no one can commit to more than that ... but it's exciting, too ... seeing k blossom and have so many totally new experiences is thrilling and i'm doing the same in a lot of ways as well ... and he's even starting to get into a place where he's wanting to know about my own experience with everything, including this ...
... it's hard and it's heartbreaking at times, this experience, but i have the feeling it has the potential to be one of the most profound experiences in my life ...
selene