Mood downturn (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)

[crisispoint]

Of all the things I'm starting to hate, it's these f**king mood swings the most.

Yesterday, I came to the conclusion that I'm not afraid of dying and I no longer fear Hell, as I don't believe that Satan can throw anything at me worse than what I'm living with. This can be very dangerous, as I've had suicidal thoughts before and whenever I crash emotionally, I start getting the feelings again.

Sometimes I just feel so f**king worthless, that I've screwed up my own life, and had it screwed over by others, so many times that it's not worth it. Yes, I get over that pretty quickly, but this is getting old really fast.

Truthfully, I'm wondering if I've done ANYTHING to p**s off God, because I truly believe I'm one of the walking damned. The only thing that makes life bareable during these phases is doing what I do and helping others. Even then, I feel like I'm lying to people when I tell them to have hope and everything will be all right when I'm dying inside.

Ah, I'm bitching again, but as I said, I'm really tired of the mood swings and I just need help getting through the day.

I'm so frigging tired of feeling damned. And knwoing that I am.

Scot

 

[Mike Church]

Scot:

I'm so frigging tired of feeling damned. And knwoing that I am.

You are neither my brother. Your perps are and not you.
But it is good to rant.
I know about mood swings and the trap that they are. My Pdoc told me to put a heavy rubber band around my wrist and evertime I felt the poor mes coming on I had to snap it hard against my wrist. After about 4 days my wrist was raw. And I never once entered that so familiar way of being worthless.

You have not pissed god off. I believe that we suffer from benign neglect. He has given us the right to choose and put that choice into action. And that is what healing is really all about. To choose to heal and then get on with it despite the traps the pitfalls the stumbles and whatever else may be in our way. And that is what you are doing Scot and dont ever forget it my brother ok.

 

[markgreyblue]

scott -i hear your frustration with the mood swings i have them and i hate their existance -

you have so much to offer scott - you create such beautiful writings and art -
you are not damned
and you haven't f----- up your life -

look at the beautiful art you create here - that is lovely stuff - and you effect us all with it -
in a positive moving way -

be well scott- we are here for you -

mark