Mom says get over it

Mom says get over it
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onlyakid

My mother minimizes my abuse and I'm sick and tired of it. Lets have someone rape her and she can get right back into life and "Get Over it". Lets have her feel like she's some sort of freak and I'll tell her that shes lazy and that she's a 56 year old women and she should be self sufficent and I shouldn't have to have to help her in any way. She's a big girl now, she should be able to handle her situations.

Then of course afterwards she comes to my door and tells me that she's sorry she was so rough on me BUT I HAVE TO REALIZE THAT (BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH I stopped listening after she said that). I feel like a women who gets beat but keeps going back to her husband because he says he's sorry and won't do it again. BTW..she never used those words "Get over it" but she mind as well have.

I'll get over it, right into an apartment somewhere and away from you

Jason
 
J,

If one more person in my life gives me that s***, I swear I will be in jail.

Oh! That's right. I forgot! Doh!

We CHOOSE to have nightmares, body memories, increased startle responses, lack of trust, low self esteem, anger and shame. Having our emotional and mental growth stunted.

Grrrrrrr :mad: :mad: :mad:

Marc
 
Jason,

I am so sorry that your Mother responded to you in that way - it is trully very sad that some parents can be so thoughtless and uncareing...

My mother was a heavy physical/mental abuser of me the whole while I was growing up - it has taken me many years to break loose from that dysfunctional family (in some ways I guess that I havn't totaly broken free yet as I still do talk with them from time to time) - I have had to learn to distance myself from her mentaly (even if we're in the same room), to sort of tune her stupid dysfunctional talk out - I have tried to talk with her about my feelings of the past but she just tried to minimize everything much the same as your mom did (I think that she just can't admit to herself that she was indeed that bad of a mother) - I have learned not to talk with her about such things - to find the support that I need in other places (like here) - I hope that you will find that support you need as well.

Take care,

TJ jeff
 
uuuugggggggg,
i dont want to post but this makes me so flipping mad!!!
i dont know why loved ones have to feel attacked when something happens to someone in their family. ive seen it so much.
im utterly beside myself.
i have a mother who is very supportive (now)
and helps pay my therapy bills. i dont think i quite have forgiven her for turning her head(thats what i believe) about my dad.
heck i cant even think straight.
if my sis wasnt so supportive and willing to listen i would have tried harder to hurt myself. im rambeling.
lee
 
bad enough we have days where we feel utterly useless, without worth, and better off dead (like i do today), and by the way have no sympathy from the public at large, but to have a relative say this crap.

I know she's your mom, but f**k her and everyone else who says this s**t.

And you can quote me on that. you hear me, mom?

:(

Scot
 
It`s so high you can`t get over it, it`s so low you can`t get under it, it`s so wide you can`t get around it - Brian Eno CD My Life in the Bush of Ghosts.

Well my mother did say Get Over It, it ended up costing her some broken bones from me, Accidentally, when I shoved the 75 year old woman to the ground. She still refuses to read on sexual abuse books since she didn:t know it at the time it happened. I since found a book for myself on my PTSD/flashback stuff called `I Can`t Get Over It` and I highly reccommend it. On the other hand, I have sooo many symptoms I get overwhelmed somestimes trying to recognize the many water particles in my emotional Tidal Waves. My Family has been particulary insensitive and it cost my career in dotcom figuring out that they really are not going to care about this and demand that I forgive them *For my own good* yeah right! If it:s really a problem, you may have to seriously limit contact with the family as I have. That:s also very difficult, but forgiveness I think may be your issue deep down. If you haven:t, please forgive yourself and realize Shame Was and (apParently still is) theirs. Maybe words are the problem:s basis...how about Getting Through It!? That:s unfortunately our problem, Getting Through the Day. Good Luck, I feel for you, but you may never get Anything from your family that helps you, so forget `em and find some joy elsewhere and ears here....we:ll get thru this Together, Brother...Peace
 
Jason,

isn't the real reason, that they just don't get it.

My mom's the same. My sister said, not so long ago, that she was surprised I've held a job down for so long. Srictly meaning, I am lazy.

She doesn't get it. If I didn't have this s**t to put up with, I'd be in better work, and maybe have a family and big house, and probably never have had any time unemployed.

It is just another act of unintended abuse.

ste
 
if people DON'T understand I can just about accept that, it might be way outside their frames of reference.

But people who DON'T TRY to understand, I move on, I don't need narrow minded people giving me crap about "getting over it"

A while a go a guy at work said "I've got no time for people who say they have depression, it's all bollocks"
He knew that I'd had time off work with depression, and he was referring to another collegue who was also suffering.
But he carried on, "It's just a fucking excuse for getting away with all kinds of shit"
He doesn't know how close he came to me striking him. Luckily I walked off, as did the third guy in this conversation to his credit. Now I only speak to him on a work basis, and that's not often.
And incredibly he doesn't understand why?

"because he's an shithead!" is why....

Dave
 
Dave,

isn't it just the way, that you feel like telling them what really goes on? A bit like my teacher belting me for "daydreaming". I felt like saying to him what is daydreaming? I did say one thing to him though, I just said, you don't know what goes on, and looked at him straight in the eye.

I was the hero of the playground. What hero?
Nobody to realise, I had no real sleep all that week, the reality was that, my mind just wanted to close down, not daydream, but just go asleep.

I felt like just screaming out, do you really know what is going on in here, if only I could be you?
Just spend an hour in my mind, and then you will scream to get out, but I have to be there, I can't get out.

So many people don't have the capacity, to even think of what goes on, you really feel like telling them, but even if you did, they could never understand, because if we don't really understand these things, then how could they ever be expected to?

We survived, where others didn't, when I read about kids, committing suicide, "they had everything to live for". F**k, no kid would ever do this, without there being a really big underlying cause, and not just bullying.

I got bullied at school, but I soon learned, that it was me or the bullies, we are bullied because we are different, it's just another tip on the scale, you can't let the scale dip in their favour.

The lie takes it's toll throughout life, that is probably what the abuser already knows, but he will always be waiting for the time, when he is accused of these things. By then though, how many kids has he gone through!

The forget it attitude causes a great deal of harm, a bit like saying, oh, you should have gotten over it by now. I feel like saying, hey, can you imagine what I went through as a kid, when you where so free, and I had to deal with this shit, masking it out.

I just wonder why? "They just don't get it".

But, could we ever expect them to?

NO..

You have to be there to realise,

I really wish my family and everyone elses' family could read this stuff, we write about our inner feelings, but maybe they shouldn't know these things, so we share the feelings with others, who have been on the same road. We never knew how we got this far, but we did, and we should be proud of that.

take care

ste
 
My mother told me the same thing. I wasn't angry, I was dumbfounded. She was abused as a child too so I just can't understand how she can be so dense.

Then again she also told me that I was an angry person and had never been as a child (which is a complete dream, I was always in trouble for my temper.)

It was then that I realized that she was just in fucking la-la land. I mean it's obvious that she hasn't delt with her abuse in any way shape or form and is totally numbing with booze and drugs so where the fuck does she get off?!

Fortunately she hasn't brought it up since then, but the bottom line is that I have absolutly no concern for how she things I ought to deal with my abuse and I don't think I'll be as shy about telling her next time she tries to impart a little "wisdom" about it.

Thanks for letting me rant a little.

-Eric
 
Hey Dude,

What she is saying if you read between the lines is:

"I wish you would get better now, so I don't have to face this any more."

If you are better then her emotional conflict of love, anger, and guilt will disapear, so that's why she says that.

Deep down she feels bad about what happend and that she didn't prevent it.

I'm not defending her actions, just translating what I think she means.

Dinner was great the other night man. We'll have to do it again sometime!
 
Last night, I was off my meds because I had a red eye flight on Sunday and I didn't want to take the Paxil because it would make me tired and I didn't want to take my Adderall because it would keep me up. Anyway, I may have over reacted and in my over reaction I didn't tell the whole story.

400pm or so on Monday: I get home from a doctors appointment and she gets home from school shortly after. In our conversation I tell her that I had slept from 8am to 2:30pm because I couldn't get any sleep like I had planned during the day on Sunday. Then she asks me if I've done my wash (I take this to be guilt trip, why haven't you done your wash..because she knows that I had slept from 8am to 2:30 and had a 3:30 doctors appointment). So I say in annoyed tone "No, I was sleeping from 8am to 2:30 and then I had a 3:30 appointment". Then of course, she goes into crazy mode, its 4pm and I have to read for my course which is on Tuesday night, meaning that I have the whole night to read. However she deciedes that I don't have much time, I better get upstairs right now and read (or it will be end of the world). Now I'm getting more pissed because she's bossing me around and not only that she's freaking out for no reason. I don't know there may be control issues here on my end.

I figure fuck her, I go upstairs and don't read my chapter, she asks me how much I've read, I tell her 10 pages. She says I couldn't have read that much. We get into an argument and she says to me I have to get going in my life, I'm 26, I need to be independant. Pretty soon she's gonna want to retire and I'm not going to be able to live with her. She implies that I need to get my act together and move on in the world. Also that I'm lazy and need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

I do think she's minimizing my abuse but I felt like I needed to give context because I was a little one sided before.
 
Curt,
Similar situations where she has really gone overboard have happened way before I disclosed my abuse. Obviously with the abuse happening, there was lots of problems with me, but she's not been good at all in dealing with them with me.

I honestly feel like I've been emotionally abused.

Not saying what your saying is wrong, it probably is right but this has been going on forever.

I had a great time at dinner too. I'll have to email you so we can get together
 
This I can relate to as a parent myself.

Sometimes we are so desperate to have our kids succeed we think we can yell them into taking care of themselves. I have since learned not to yell at all (sure, I slip sometimes).

You are in a position where it is very easy to fall into that old Mom/little boy situation, and I know exactly how it feels. It took me until I was thirty-three or something like that to realize I was my own person and I didnt have to protect my mom from everything. I know it is much, much harder for you because you still live with her. But you have to find a new mind set J., you have to start envisioning yourself as the grown man that you are. You need to do your reading for Jason, not your mother, you are old enough now to realize that procrastination affects you more than her. I know you know all this already. If you want to get out of there you gotta work for it and stop using the self-defeating behavior. Starting today, you work for you, not her.

But if you like making her nuts, then read twenty pages and tell her you could only get through three. ;)
 
I guess your right, its me getting the degree not her. And I do need it (although at this pace I'll get it in the year 2040 :D ). Its difficult though, I get this great feeling of ok gotta do it,etc,etc and then it all turns to shit.

Also have an option of either doing a 6 page term paper or I think 12 hours of cleaning the beach for an enviormental orginization. However that has me anxious because its with a group of people and I guess I don't like to get to close to people.

Anyway, I guess I should try to get some sleep figure this out later.

Jason

**Note to self: never let Roland around my kids when I need them to do their homework :D **
 
Yeah, its funny how we think the stuff that doesn't work on us will work on our kids.
 
Get over it. Most fucked up words in English language. Get over it. More like, DON'T get me started. Glad you are feeling better Jason. Get over it. Sheesh.

leosha
 
I know where you are coming from on that. I don't even speak to my parents about this anymore. They seem to prefer that I just forget about it and it is very nice when the memories aren't in my immediate memory, however, they do always eventually make their way back. If I need support then I go outside my family to get it which I find sad.
 
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