Mixed blessings
crisispoint
Registrant
Well, this has been an up-and-down week, hasn't it? 
With all the crap that happened with my family, it triggered some other repressed memories (which I will get into again on another occasion, but I wanted to share good news without triggering anyone!) and almost caused me to wave bye-bye to the world and/or sanity, my father (of all people) handed me some unexpected validation.
Anyone who has read my posts knows that me and Dad have a rather complicated relationship. He didn't give me a whole lot of support and basically made me feel less than a man (sometimes less than human). I hated him for that, but as one of my sisters pointed out, the man who did this is gone, thanks to age and illness. I've given up my thoughts of hatred and revenge, but there is no real affection there. At least until yesterday.
His doctor put him back in the hospital (more precisely, a rehab center), and I went to visit him yesterday. We were chatting about his usual favorite topics, such as hating his sons-in-law, particularly one who has claimed permanent disability and makes my sister support him (moron). I mentioned to him that I had taken a second (and possibly soon a third) job to help pay down my debts, and made comment on how very little pride as a man this guy had.
Dad agreed, and said something that floored me. He said, "well, Scot, I know you have gumption. You're a real man. When you need extra money, you go out and work for it."
I have spent my entire life waiting for that validation from him. I gave up on getting it, and here he was, finally telling me I was okay. That I "measured up."
I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I didn't think it would, but it has.
Amazing.
Peace and love,
Scot
With all the crap that happened with my family, it triggered some other repressed memories (which I will get into again on another occasion, but I wanted to share good news without triggering anyone!) and almost caused me to wave bye-bye to the world and/or sanity, my father (of all people) handed me some unexpected validation.
Anyone who has read my posts knows that me and Dad have a rather complicated relationship. He didn't give me a whole lot of support and basically made me feel less than a man (sometimes less than human). I hated him for that, but as one of my sisters pointed out, the man who did this is gone, thanks to age and illness. I've given up my thoughts of hatred and revenge, but there is no real affection there. At least until yesterday.
His doctor put him back in the hospital (more precisely, a rehab center), and I went to visit him yesterday. We were chatting about his usual favorite topics, such as hating his sons-in-law, particularly one who has claimed permanent disability and makes my sister support him (moron). I mentioned to him that I had taken a second (and possibly soon a third) job to help pay down my debts, and made comment on how very little pride as a man this guy had.
Dad agreed, and said something that floored me. He said, "well, Scot, I know you have gumption. You're a real man. When you need extra money, you go out and work for it."
I have spent my entire life waiting for that validation from him. I gave up on getting it, and here he was, finally telling me I was okay. That I "measured up."
I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I didn't think it would, but it has.
Amazing.
Peace and love,
Scot