Minimisation of abuse ttt

Minimisation of abuse ttt
R

reality2k4

Registrant
I think about things throughout my childhood, there were many good times, so many great people I met, people I respected and trusted.

The World was my oyster. but it turned into a clam. Holding so much hurt from others, begotten on so much fear of sharing so much hurt, you really cannot share because of the shame and degradation meted out on one so small.

Yes, a small boy who loved life, who smiled at everybody, a boy who would not have seen the danger in life about to enfold.

Just like so many here, his childhood was changed, from living the child life, to being a man, what?
I am still the child, but I cannot identify with that! I am wary of strangers, if a man smiles at me, he must want to do the things, this man made me do!

Degrading acts to a child, who previously thought the World to be safe and secure to live in. I never get to the answers to why these beasts can do it, and never get caught??? They go on for so long doing it before they are ever caught, if at all. It is such a massive burden for anyone to carry, let alone a kid, who is going through so many changes in life.@@KK...##

So many talk about abuse that happened so long ago, so what??? I can remember my abuse, I can remember like a fly on the wall, well almost!

I blocked it out for years, even denying myself that it really happened, refusing to believe even me! choosing to think, hey, it was my fault###

I had to, who else? Can you blame when you are yourself in denial.

Pretending it never happened. Kids, are so good at that, but in blocking, I found that I blocked my childhood out with it, I remember my childhood, as something I wanted to just get behind me, and be big and strong, so no-one can do this again.

I never knew whether they got the perp for this, I didn't really want to know, why? because he will probably only get a small sentence, or maybe not be even prosecuted.

It was little ole me, who worried about him preying on other kids, not him, it was me who thought he may walk down my street, and getting me when I was so vulnerable. Isn't this what the evil bastards put in a kids' mind???

I was a little kid with an adult mind, the streetwise kid, so much to look up to, nobody could see the hurt behind what really makes you streetwise.

You don't get support from peers, because they think you are so much stronger than you really are, but they really don't know what went on, and you ache to tell them why!

Is it not a point though, that society, really does not address the issues an abused child really has to face! When the child is just expected to get over it and forget!

OK, I forget, it still causes me massive problems, so I just forget? The perp was never caught or brought to justice, so I just forget?

Judge and jury, just spend a day in my life, and still tell me to forget! Don't think so. Yes, I forgot, I forgot It was my life, not yours to take. Bastard.

what are your views?

ste
 
Ste,

I think you described it perfectly. Little children who should have been children, being transformed. Having to grow up too fast. To defend against other adults. And not always succeeding.

I can't even remember a time, other than the night this first happened, that I thought like a child. Had to assess adults. Try and stratagize for protection. Read body language and tone of voice. No child can do that easily. But it still happens. Realizing that there is no safety in being a child, we try to adjust and understand the danger we face.

That's why I believe there is that small boy in all of us. The one who never got to be a child. Who had to grow up in a short time, instead of the years we should have had.

And that little boy is still there. I see him when I use crayons or blow bubbles or play with my Matchbox cars or play with my army men. Because that was what I should have been able to do.

So, yes Ste, this is completely normal for us. Time for us to let the little boy have his childhood. And protect and nurture him.

Even if society will not recognize the child, we must. Give him what society and the monsters denied him. His childhood.

No non-survivor can EVER understand what it is like. They can't live in our shoes, even for one day. My T understands this. She never tells me she understands what I go through. She just offers help to get past it.

That is why we are here, Ste. Because this is one of the few places where people DO understand what it is like.

Sorry about the long response.

Marc
 
Ste,
A lot of what you said struck me as dead on.

But the piece that really hit me was how you talk about growing hyper independent and putting a strong face to the world. I desparately wanted to get childhood behind me, too, so I could be strong and never need to rely on anyone again.

But there's a problem with that. As you point out, we don't get the support we need, precisely because we pretend to the world that we are so strong and independent.

And it becomes a struggle. What do we want more, to be viewed as strong and independent, or to get help and support?

Did you ever feed a really hungry stray dog? You can see how indecisive they are. They want the food, but they're afraid of you. So will they be ruled by their hunger for food or their fear of a strange person. And which is the wisest choice? There are good arguments on both sides.

Same for us. Do we get the help and support we want, and take the attendant risks involved? Or do we try to go it alone, and accept the downside that goes with that decision? What a rotten choice, simply because of what it means for us to have to make it.

Hope you're taking good care of yourself.

Dan
 
No, I can't forget. It is part of my personal history now and always will be. I can change how it influences my life, to some extent, however.

I relate to much of what you write. That 'fly on the wall' perspective is how I remember it, too. That was the disassociative coping strategy at work, I'm sure, and so I remember it that way.

I coped by learning to be as invisible as possible. It was like if I didn't attract any attention at all then I wouldn't attract abuse/abusers either.

I still often have problems with a kind of paranoia. The feeling that someone is going to sneak up on me, that they are going to betray me, that I will be hurt emotionally or, sometimes, physically.

Its an on going struggle but I have made progress and after years of work on it, am feeling better than I did about my life and living in the world but I don't expect to ever be 'healed' or 'recovered.' I think that I am always going to hurt. I am trying to use that hurt to do something good, helping kids that have been or are in danger of being in abusive situation.

I've found that things can change and, those days that I remember that and believe it, are pretty good.
 
Ste
"forget"

I tried to forget for 31 years, it just doesn't happen. Never will.

Instead I had to learn to live. And I enjoy that.

Dave
 
I was making light of what happened to me in comparison to what had happened to a friend of mine. Man 'o Man did the group come down on me. The therapist said that I had a typical response to what happened to me...not recognizing the abuse for what it was...ABUSE.

David
 
David,

guess you got a good t, to say these things, but as you say, we all tend to minimise it.

Maybe it is part of the conditioning of our minds through they years.

Abuse is psychologically damaging, and the only way of fixing it, is to identify all the issues we faced so long ago, and to unlearn a lot of learnt stuff.

I'll try the new tapes, and dump as many of the old one's as I can,

take care,

ste
 
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