Mind-crushing anxiety - does it go away?

Hello All,

I've got a question that I'm hoping for some thoughts on.

I started confronting my incest/abuse two years ago (it happened when I was 6-9, I am 32 now). I first began because I was so depressed and anxiety-ridden that I had to confront it. I'd literally hit bottom. So after talking to a therapist, I went home and confronted my abuser/sister (who is 7 years older than me). Things went pretty well.

Well, after not doing too much more work and no more therapy, the anxiety returned. Now I have it almost everyday. It usually flares up by about 4pm, but often I wake with it and have it throughout the day. Or sometimes I get a couple hours (coffee, newspaper) and then it starts.

Has anybody else been through this? Does it stop when you learn more about yourself and the abuse? Are anti-anxiety drugs a good idea?

Basically, it feels like my skull is being rained on (no, hailed on) from the inside out. And it makes it difficult to interact socially.

Does it help when you tell friends about the abuse? WIll doing so "release" this pressure, or is this a very long haul?

As you can probably tell, I'm pretty naive and new. I'd appreciate anything anyone could offer. Much thanks.

[ August 29, 2001: Message edited by: incalifornia ]

 

[Thad]

Hi, In, I'm new too, in fact this is my first day. I used to post to a room several years ago and then dropped out of it and working on my issues - I knew the issues were there and would feel twinges of feelings about it from time to time - instead of dealing with it I became more and more depressed and less able to do my work and things began to pile up - until today...actually I had a full post traumatic stress attack - with full physical sensations (skin crawling) teary - hardly able to act - not able to go to work - and I knew I had to reach out - found this site where an old friend has been coming -
My abuse was very early - 0-4or 5, not sure, and had no memory of it for 50 years but lots of symptoms - physical, relationship distrust, sexual identity confusion, self esteme, - all unrecognized until I pieced it together after 50 years - surprise - it wasn't just crazy me - early molest has several of its own problems - mostly physical memories instead of visual/aural/conceptual memories - hard to work at - I still have only a few clues (but clear to me that they are real)- not knowing the extent of it has been a problem -
but back to the point - for me its real and if I sublimate it - ignore it - I drift back to self defeating behavior - I suspect that it never goes away - and that I need to be in process with it on a regular basis so that its not sneaking up on me, like it has for the past couple years - or like today when I completely fell apart - (fortunately I figured out a major source of stressor, an abusive person I had to work with that I was trying to help, but his abuse just built up and built up until I got up this morning and couldn't function - I got myself away from this person - and I feel so much better - and I am almost thankful that I went through it since it woke me up to my avoidance slumber -
Soooo, I guess for me it's about staying present to its presence - its always there - like a bum leg - for which physical therapy can help you deal with it - but its still there - I think its better if I lean to accept it as a part of me - there isn't anybody left to hate - the perp is dead - the pain and harm that it caused in my life came from not knowing and not being present to its symptoms - because, sure enough they through me into self defeating behavior -
Does it get better - yea, for me it did - I went from totally being unaware of it - living my life like a drunk who lumbered clumsily and often hurtfully effecting others but not knowing it - to knowing my symptoms and having a chance to see them coming when I worked at it - That's WAY BETTER - now I get to face my depression - slumber is my biggest enemy -
Anyway - sometime I want to talk with some who had very early abuse and had little or no memory -
stick in there incal and thanks for the post - it got me started...

 

[blacken]

Hey incaliforia, thanks 4 the topic.
For me, anxiety comes and goes. 2 yrs ago, it was so bad I took off 12 weeks from work. I had PTSD going on and the aniety, flashbacks and overall dread was sensory & emotional overload. I felt trerrible. When I went back to work, It still took me months to function saticfactory. But the damn anxiety (fear of not being able to function,fear that someone will know, fear that I am losing my sanity, fear of fear, fear of my reactions, & more) was there still. Some days it seems to let me be, other days, Look out! So now, its back to therapy for me.Its time toget back to actively dealing with my past, and the present, so Hopefull I wont be so F___ked up in the future.

 

Hi, incal, and welcome! Thank you for your reply to my post about abuse and homosexuality. Our expereicens and reactions seem to be different, but yor insights are still vey helpful...thanks!
YES, the anxiety does go away as we work on our issues...at leat it did for me. It is not comnpletely gone and still rears it ugly head at times. The diefference for me today is that I usually rtecognize what is going on have tools to work through and get the anxiety.

I, too, suffered with PTSD and ultimately spent 3 1/2 weeks in in-patient treatment out in California. It was the best gift I ever gave myself! Really helped me a lot.

OI have foiund that the more I face and eal with mn issues and also reach out for support in doing so, the better I feel in general, and the healthier I become emotionally and physically. My guess is that you will have the same experience.

However, this does not mean that you will necessarily feel better right away. In fact, often as we begin to peel away the denial and other defenses we have used for years to supress the memeories and/or feelings, we actually feel worse for a while. The old feelings start to emerge, and they can be real painful and scary, etc.

Nevertheless, over time, I certainloy began to feel much better and for longer periods of time before another abuse-related issue would surface. I havce now been in recovery for about 14 years, and I am still dealing with some heavy stuff. I was oin a great deal of pain for weeks recently, but I allowed myself to just feel the feelings (lots of crying!), share stuff here, write a lot in my journal about what I was feeling, ewhy and any insights I was getting, etc. I now feel much better, but I am still struggling with some stuff.

I am glad you cam here. It took coiurage to do so and to share what is going on for you...good for you!

Keep hanging in there, and I hope you keep coming back here. It is a good place to find support,understanding and new insights and recovery tools from other survivors, as weell share your own experiences.

Good luck in your journey!

LanceC

 

[thunderbolt]

the closer i get to the abuse the more head problems ive got, every day around 2-5pm, im not sure about the rain but if it were a tooth id pull that fucker now, yesterday the pain got so bad around that same time, triggered by an argument became very intence, i had to isulate and beat my head on a wall, it seemed that the more pain i could inflict the less my head hurt, i sat and rested till it went away, i have been on anti-drugs and some still now, they help a lot, slow things down for rationalizing, see a counsilor or tharepist, some one who can help and you trust, the closer i get to it the more cripled i become my counsiler helps me stand back up,take it slow good luck...

 

Thanks everyone for your responses. I just found this site the other day and, man, it sure helps to hear other people going throught the same crap. The last two days have been better. And this morning I slept for 11 hours for the first time in about a year. I think that's a good sign. I've definitely got a lot of work to do, but it sure is nice to have some support!

 

[pondboy]

I have had the same experiences with anxiety and learned how to meditate. I can now put myself in a calm place and it helps to stay focused. let me know if you want some information about techniques. its' very simple and I"ve taught people how to do it over the phone. chuck ([email protected])

 

It gets better if you work at it. I don;t want to sound like I;m trying to be a shrink or something but you have to work at it and be honest about it. It;s always alot easier to hide from the anxiety and depression, those things hurt real bad. In stead of dealing with my abuse and anxiety I drank and slept around, those weren;t the real issues, those things just hid the real issues. Medications make you feel better for awhile but won;t cure anxiety or depression so be careful with perscriptions.
I use to think that therapy would make me forget the abuse. It doesn;t work that way but now I don;t have to think about it all the time. I learned how to tell 'self defeating behaviors' so I can try to avoid them.

There;s alot to therapy but its worth it and the anxiety and flashbacks will get better. Talking it out with a trusted friend or family member or your wife helps too. If youre married you probably trust your wife, go to her first, otherwise find another friend that you really trust to talk to and talk it through really thorough. That helps alot too. Find something that you;re good at and enjoy doing, that helps take your mind off it. Talk to us, we all help each other.