@BrokenMan42, Greetings and welcome! I am so sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here. I am sorry for the pain you have suffered.
I am new to the MS group too, as I am a survivor of childhood male sexual assault. I have spent a great deal of time reading posts and continue to read as many posts as I can. I am "thriving" meaning I am a wonderful place in my life. I have been in this sweet spot for a very long time. I was molested, sexually abused, raped, and manipulated from age 9 - 11. I want to be one among many who can extend a "helping hand" to encourage you, and hopefully contribute in some way that will pull you up to a higher plateau in your life.
Decades ago, there was not a chance I would write on a site or go public with my Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) story. I feared the fallout and likely repercussions of being rejected and ostracized. I knew going public could ruin my business, friendships, and yes, would cause serious turmoil among my siblings and family. I had a real concern about my reputation in our small community. Now, I am at very different place in my life. Within the next year I hope to have my story, my book published, and available to the public. I want to help other male survivors, like you.
I fully realize you are in a different place in your healing journey. That is okay, we all needed to start somewhere.
@BrokenMan42, dealing with the reality of what happened to you, the pain, trauma, and likely the shame you are feeling, is a very tough road to travel. As you well know, you must be be willing to "walk this out." However, you do not have to do this alone. Help can be found here that will offer you encouragement, support, and empathy whenever you need it. There is hope for you, just like everyone else here. Only those of us who have been sexually abused know what it is like to deal with the aftermath of sexual abuse, molestation, or rape.
Certainly, a really good therapist can help you; that is a must. I hope you have the love and support of family members and a close friend(s) to help you too. At any rate, you have help here who understand.
Again, I am so sorry for what happened to you, but I am thankful you made the decision to reach out. That tells me, and others here, you want to get better. You can, brother, you can. Like every man on this site, I struggled to deal with what happened to me. I never asked for the CSA to happen, I did not do anything to encourage it. It happened. I wanted to keep my dirty ugly secret locked away; and I did for a long time. Then I shared some of my secret with my wife. Then my therapist. Next I shared some details with a few family members. It is up to you when, and with whom, you share your story. You can share whatever you want here. No condemnation, and no one knows your real name or where you live. As you feel led, write about your experience and what you are feeling. There are many here who can relate to what you are going through and if you like, help you on your journey.
It has been a long journey for me to get to where I am today.
During the peak of lengthy major depression, due in part to the CSA,, I did not smile. I did not want to smile, because I could not see myself coming out of the darkness and despair. I was not productive in life. That was a long time ago. Today, I am so thankful for life and thriving. If I had not persevered, I would have never married, had children, seen my grandchildren, or known the tremendous joy they bring me. If I had not come out of the darkness, I would not be communicating with you, nor have this opportunity to share my life experiences with this group. i want to encourage you. There is always hope. There is plenty of light available, if we look for it, and remain there.
All the best to you.
Justin777
