mental rollercoaster

mental rollercoaster
T

tone

Registrant
Hello everybody

I need feedback on a personal issue i am struggling with or not at all (you'll understand).

For the past few weeks I have been feeling good mentally. That's the good part, however I don't really feel anything at all, as a matter of fact i really don't care about my abuse . Thinking about it makes me really impatient, a little like when you go shopping with your wife ,it's ok for about half an hour but then you just want out of there. I have been coming to the chat room quite often lately and i find that i am there more for the company than for my issues. I can still share my history or problems but i feel nothing for myself. I could go on but you get the jist.
Is this part of the progression , does this happen to most or not at all?
Do we reach a saturation point , does it level, or am I gonna crash after this?
I can deal with depression, have done so most of my life , but this is unchartered territory.
Thanks
 
Tone,

It seems to me that it's a good thing when the abuse memories don't bother me, but a bad thing when I'm numb to all feeling.

I was going through some kind of cycle, building up to completely overwrought, then switching to numb, over and over, faster and faster a couple months ago. I didn't really like either.

So, an even keel sounds nice, but numb doesn't.

Joe
 
Hi Tone,

I noticed the same thing happening to me when I first came to MS.

At first i was carrying around all of the angst that couldn't find release all these years. Then after finding out I wasn't alone, that I was supported and understood, yea, verily, that I was loved, then the pressure seemed to subside. MS has "in"verted me.

Because inside of all of the silence was a pressure cooker of guilt, shame, fear, dread etc. Once I realized I was no longer living in a solitary world, it seemed the blackness vanished. I had been alone in the dark, then a candle was lit, and suddenly I could see that I was in a familiar place. It became as if I had been there all along. Sorry for the allegory, but I really believe in what I am saying.

Tone, I am not sure how much silence you had to endure before coming to MS. [Joe's story makes sense because until recently he had lived in silence carrying this alone, hence the "numbness" cycle--correct me if I am reading this wrong, Joe. But even your, Joe, more recent posts seem to be full of fun and frivolity, very upbeat and ostensibly positive]

Maybe if you, tone, were re/suppressing your incidence of SA due to being scared silent, then MS.org became the cathartic voice that would restore your right to own your life again. I know that I am speaking about MY experience, but maybe there is some universality in it.

Maybe MS.org became the emotional/psychological/spiritual enema that was necessary for you to get to the next level of reclaiming your life.

Maybe it will be mostly smooth sailing from here on in

Maybe it may just well be...........

Ron
 
It IS ok to feel ok.

Sometimes I felt like I've tried too hard to dig and dig into issues until I had bloody fingers.

It's also ok to feel numb. Depending where we're at, being numb is the brain doing a self protective thing whether we want to or not - in other words, could be time to take a break or just look around and see how things are.

When I've been in the middle of one of my deep, black (w)hole depressions, I would want to feel something, anything to break me out of it.

I also ask myself, what's on top emotionally right now?

Again, I need to remind myself that it is completely ok to actually feel ok about myself and my life, imagine that.

jer

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we're all doing the best we can.
 
Please excuse me for interrupting, but I go numb when I'm shocked. Is that not knowing what to do with an emotion, or not knowing what emotion to feel or is shock an emotion?
 
i go numb when i'm on overload. sometimes by mind or subconcious is working on something i can't figure out yet so i zone out or go numb so i don't get more overloaded.
 
I think you are describing some pretty normal experiences for SA recovery.

I get numb, zone out for a while when I just get overloaded with stuff. Sometimes I feel pretty good just because my mind is taking a break.
 
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