James, JD & Howard:
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"To be true to ourselves"
Wow, what a statment. I wonder if men that weren't abused have as much trouble living that as I do.
James, from what I've observed I think many if not all of them do. Just for different reasons. Some by choice even it seems.
I call it live(ing) backwards, or evil. It takes a vast variety of forms in the total diversity of human beings, male & female.
Sometimes chosen, sometimes imposed upon us. All impelling us toward living backward, away from our true selves.
JMHOFWIW.
I agree, it's hard to be true to anyone else if your not being true to yourself.
James you are so right bro! Becuz if we aren't true to ourselves then we can't be showing our true selves to anyone else.
What a powerful thead this is going to be. So brother's yes lets try to learn to be "TRUE TO OURSELVES!" if nothing else just for one day.
James
Right brother. One day at a time!
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Awesome Victor, this really is a great step for everyone to take. It can be such a hard one, as I'm struggling with it myself. But, to focus on simply being true to yourself, being honest with yourself... gives you so much more to work with.
JD, being true to ourselves is an awesome great giant step--or staircase?--for anyone to take. Especially we male survivors who have been caught in & even lived on lies for so long. Indeed it is a struggle my friend but we can do it. Becuz you're right it does give us a lot to work with. It gives us ourselves, it give our true selves back to us.
So many of us use the lies to protect us, or to not deal with things that aren't our fault.
JD we were taught lies & must unlearn what we have learned, so that we can learn the truth that can set us free.
We were caught comfortable but fatal lies & now can escape only with a sometimes painful but healing truth.
We bought & sold the lies in order to survive, but we don't need them to survive anymore. We must
destroy them with the truth lest we buy & sell ourselves in a continual life of lies that is not live(ing) but evil, live spelled backwards.
Lets love ourselves enough to give ourselves the truth.
jd
JD for me that's what it's all about.
If I don't love myself I cannot be truthful about myself becuz of all the guilt, shame, self-hatred,
just plain not liking who I think I am.
Where this turns around is when I can remember & feel & know that who I think I am when I'm not loving myself is not my true self at all. That is just stinkin thinkin, taught by my perps, about a false self they tried to make me into. A lie.
If I love my true self I can be true to myself & give the truth to myself & to others.
Circular reasoning & feeling. Yes it probably is. But that's a vital cycle I want to be caught in, rather than the vicious cycle that has enslaved me most of my life.
Truth sets free. Love sets free.
Oh you guys got me going now!
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You all are so 'right on'!! Honesty is one of the keystones in my recovery and also the hardest to maintain.
Howard, honesty is a keystone in recovery becuz we were covered with lies as well as abuse. We got
so used to this blanket of lies, which was suffocating us yet seemed to be protecting us, that we became as the song says Comfortably Numb in the lies. Maintaining the honesty that unnumbs us, enables us to Breathe in the Air, frees us from the wrappings, is thus very difficult indeed.
If I can't be totally honest with myself, I can't be honest with anyone else. I need to face myself everyday of my life...I need to look myself eye-to-eye...I need to trust myself if no one else!!
Exactly & absolutely right on Howard!
Beginning with trusting myself has been hard for me, but to try to begin with trusting anyone else would be infinitely harder & I think unwise if not disastrous.
Becuz the more I trust myself, my Voice within, concerning myself, the more I can trust it concerning other people. Whether that means to trust them, or not, or to what degree.
I am the one I must face all day every day. I cannot afford to not be true to myself by trusting
others too much without really knowing myself & thus knowing them.
Damn I'm getting all philosophical & complex now. Even more than usual. It's your fault guys!
Total, complete honesty like "Liar, Liar" was held to for 24 hrs. I find that if I am not really honest, I put myself in danger of falling into situations that cripple my recovery. You are so right on about self- honesty!!!
Howard
Yes! Exactly!
Note that even when the Liar Liar had to tell the truth, the truth got him in a heap of trouble until he started being true to himself. The more he did that, the more, as he said, the truth set him free!
Like James said, to be that honest, starting with ourselves, for just one day...
...and one day at a time.
And as JD said, let's love ourselves that much.
We can do it. We're not such bad guys are we?
Thanks for sharing you guys. I too hope to hear from more people on this thread.
You are truly men of honor & truth!
Victor
