Memory recall validation concerns

Memory recall validation concerns

Ceremony

Member
TRIGGERS My healing journey started with opening Pandora's box of rape memories. They included visceral deep emotional reactions, physical manifestations, and purposefully recalling memories and reasons for what happened in my childhood.

Retrospection has often taken up my time, and some of that has been regards of the neglect of my mental and emotional health by either parent(separately = divorced) and many interactions with therapists or psychiatry. What gets me when I think retrospectively is how I research the thinking of psychiatry of that time to present. I'm finding some things that create concern for myself, and any survivor.

There have been posts from brothers here, who have made comments of interactions with their therapist who flat out denied the revelation of their client. How that therapist can live with their invalidation of such trauma is beyond comprehension. Survivor comprehension is likely different than the bias of analytical zeitgeist of psychology at various times.

Let me link this, one of others around the internet:
Memories of Childhood Abuse

Though I would describe that article as nuanced and careful, it still implies a careful review of any potential therapist for our therapy. The idea I take from it, though I may have various complexities of trauma, it's my job to make sure the therapist is up to date, aware of csa issues and the needs to heal. I consider that quite a burden for the client with complex ptsd, and other added concerns.

I recall the burden on me to find my therapist. I searched online for specific criteria, and found the best in my view were never in my insurance network! Why is that?! What awareness of the epidemic of csa is the insurance industries responsibility? Is it our job to push awareness, or ongoing therapy and insurance journals to update their breadth of training? We know humans can only do so much and at some point can ease into laissez-faire.

It's apparent to me, my suppression of rape, the molestation, and bullying is partly laissez-faire of my own creation. I could sense, or my subconscious could sense that stirring those memories would lead down a road of deep emotional impact and difficulties. Which I answer with a simple = Yup!

So, when I consider the broad picture of our advocacy to heal, our own search for therapy, our burdens complexity and the wall of vexing interference from the institutions meeting out services for us, I slump into my chair with reservations of our needs and progress? There's misinformation, news that implies powerful memes and intents that purportedly imply institutional concern. Such as arrests of sex stings, or the Executive Branch directly affects outcomes of such stings. One must recall there are 3 branches of government. Exec. Legis. and Judicial. That last takes the role to enforce laws, and does that role somewhat autonomously. With the recent exception of immigration. Which has shown to be misguided and puerile in regard to application of policy.

All that aside, the influences we face seem to undermine our progress if the institutions that serve us are let to slide while powers with policy initiatives sidetrack our means to heal. What a joke that such a realization has to be considered, that on top of complex ptsd for some, there are outside deviations from progress. Real, or imagined takes time to sort out. There's mounting evidence that role backs of the ACA could influence the troubles of our poorer survivors away from ongoing therapy. What too will happen to walk-in services if budgets are cut that support them. Need we be aware of worry? I don't yet know?

This concern stems from reviewing research first, and noting an ongoing display of misguided progress by the powers that run our lives. I watch those things, it's in my interest, it's in my children's futures interest. And whether this impedes my healing is up for debate. Why not give me your opinions and experiences so some of this can be worked out in a thoughtful discourse.

Thanks brothers.
 
I haven't read all of this yet, and I don't think many should... So, why am I posting this link? The Myth of Repressed Memory

Well, if that's a good question, tell me why? I want to protect the vulnerable among us, but I also want to get to the thinking of the past influences on our therapy. I think I've experienced some of it, and I don't like those factual parts of my life! There in that link are pages that describe false memories and implanted memories from therapists whose demands for memory recall of childhood sexual abuse were in vogue for some of that era (1980's-1990's). I lived through those decades, and had some unfortunate dealings with some therapists that was unrelated to csa. So, I suppose it's not valid to this discussion and I've no basis to bring myself into the thoughts I'm expressing here? Of do I? I'm a survivor, I was then, not realized to the acute nature of impact. I had no outlet when any of them occurred, and I had very low self esteem, very little will to step up for myself.

I did though, my story will show some efforts on my part to pick up the pieces, or push through toward goals. Messy, but part of my truth. Some successes in my past bring into question what potential was given up by hiding the rape, the molestation, and that dreaded bullying? Would I have ever had the strength back then to carry through in the manner I've finally chosen to do among the company of fellow survivors?

So many questions I don't really need answers to, and they're not blocking me. I'm not fixated on the answer to those, we know that the 'what ifs' are counter to healing. They don't make sense and acceptance of the here and now is vital to moving forward. So, this thread is in essence another form of me standing up for myself. I'm acknowledging a past the was dismissive as much as it was confused by Freudian and Jungian psychobabble!

I think the march forward has been cleared by many who brought this community and others to survivors. Here, clearing the air of the past, and bringing clarity about what current expectations and future expectations from psychotherapy are, makes sense.
 
Ceremony said:
I could sense, or my subconscious could sense that stirring those memories would lead down a road of deep emotional impact and difficulties. Which I answer with a simple = Yup!

Absolutely, Ceremony. My subconscious worked in overtime (and to a degree, still does) to protect me from those memories. Or denial, whatever you want to call it. And suppression certainly leads to deep emotional impact and difficulties, not to mention the monumental (albeit temporarily, we hope) impact/difficulties that occur once we begin to deal.

My heart hurts for those who are so emotionally shutdown, whether due to CSA like us, or physical/emotional/other childhood abuse, because I know how it was when I was like that, and what I've gone through/am going through now in my attempt to make it to the other side. I don't judge them, just as I don't myself, as everyone handles things in their own way. It just makes me sad to see it so much around me, especially when we tend to attract/associate with those who are similarly "wounded" as ourselves.
 
Back
Top