meeting ghost

meeting ghost
C

caointeoir

Registrant
so this is my first post. i'm a little worried. not sure if i really have something to contribute... i read a little through older posts and didn't really find answers. maybe i gave up too early. if i'm going against any board rules here i apologize in advance. i just don't really know what to do right now.

i ran into one of the guys that raped me. totally by chance. i had no idea. i was totally not prepared for this.

i'm not a victim of child abuse, this happened when i was 21, and they were strangers. connected to me being into drugs back then. so yeah, i blame my own stupidity.

we were both sorta gaping in shock. he was there with wife and kids. it's been almost a decade.

and now i have absolutely no idea how to deal. i thought i could handle it and that i was dealing. i got no idea what to do. part of me wants to talk to him. ask all those questions. another wants to run. hide. i'm just scared and i don't really understand why. he wasn't threatening me.

any hints? been there?

c~
 
C, this place is not exclusive to men abused as boys, it is for male survivors.

The only thing that comes to mind is a male rape crisis centre if you want to take that step.

Other guys may be able to give you better advice than me, but welcome,

ste
 
caointeoir,

Welcome to Male Survivor. You sure are starting out with a heavy post!

Your post doesn't go into detail and I certainly don't blame you for that. As you get more into the site and feel more comfortable posting, you will find that guys here will have more specific things to say to you.

One point to start with, however. If you were 21 at the time and high on drugs, that doesn't mean that others can just help themselves. You weren't stupid, you were raped. And a rape victim will certainly conclude from the experience that the world can be a very dangerous place for him. I'm not surprised at all that part of you wants to run and hide.

Much love,
Larry
 
also thanks to you for the welcome, larry.

is it a heavy post? i don't know.

i wasn't sure about the detail. not sure how much people actually want to know. i mean i don't know my way around here yet. i came to share anyway. just don't want to bother...

i got lost a little in my own feelings and thought maybe...

Originally posted by roadrunner:
If you were 21 at the time and high on drugs, that doesn't mean that others can just help themselves. You weren't stupid, you were raped.
Click to expand...
yeah i am telling myself that. sometimes i just can't help blaming myself. it's just hard when you're reminded of the stuff you did to yourself in addition to what others did. "if i hadn't, would they have, could i have prevented..." stuff like that. i hear that's how it goes.

one day i'll see.
 
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