Medicb4

Medicb4
L

Lloydy

Registrant
Tonight we've recieved the sad news that MedicB4, Scott, has taken his own life on Tuesday.

Scott's wife ends her message by saying "I'm so tired of the offenders winning over us, harming us, destroying our lives. I need to keep going, I just don't know how."

I'm sure that we all share and understand her feelings.

Please spare a thought or a prayer for her and their two young children at this tragic time.
 
I am trying to take deep breaths, the tears refuse to flow, my mind is spinning. Please send my sympathies to Scott's wife and children. I hope she has loved ones around her to help her through this terrible time and the challenges she will face.

She does need to keep going and the way how is to look into the innocence in her children's eyes. She needs to protect them and stop this cycle of pain.

I'm stunned. And saddened. And angry.
 
It cannot be understood. When last night I answer on private messages, there was a message from this man, to offer me support and 'embrace' for me speaking my history. I answer him to thank him so, and to hope, that we can help each other with it. And that message, it will never be read. I was capable I shall never help him as he gives me the help. I find it awful. My big regrets to his wife and children. I most of all regret, that they should transfer consequences of his decision. And my heart - with him who, should be, felt like so alone and despair to make it, notwithstanding who he should help him. This fully is terrible to me.

VN
 
Dammit this is happening too often. When will society wake up and realize that this crime against us is horrendous. They seem to be in denial. Every time I open a newspaper or see the news some other asshole has been arrested for molesting young people.

I cannot condone suicide because when a life is taken the creeps win and I cannot abide that. I grieve for Scott and his family. We cannot bring him back but we can make sure that we stay the course and are here for each other.
 
My prayers and sympathies to Scott's family at this difficult time.

It's difficult to know what to say at such a time. Perhaps one thing is that when we lose someone like this his life and struggle should be honored by trying even harder to win through ourselves. As Scott's wife says: "I am so tired of the offenders winning over us."

Larry
 
I thought he was getting through this, but we know that is never a sign.

Three in a week is far too many, and I am sad for this guys family, they must be in real grief,

ste
 
Four lives ruined in one go through CSA, when will this end?

The survivors that I have heard of that have taken their own lives now is into double figures and I suspect there are many, many more. When are our leaders and politicians going to see the light.

"Three in a week", one a year is one too many.

Kirk
"Instigate change, as it appears it wont come naturally in our cause. Sometimes it needs a little forcing".
 
I am so terribly sorry for this loss. My heart goes out to his wife and children. But I call on the Board of Directors and Moderators to come up with some kind of mechanism in which these matters can be discussed.

Recently, I alluded to self-harm in a post. Shortly after this I noticed that MedicB4 was also discussing feelings about self-harm. Instead of immediately offering him assistance, I was embarrassed if the truth be known. Embarrassed because we are not supposed to have these feelings. Nor are they to be discussed.

I have to be frank here. It would be a disservice to his memory were I to do otherwise. And forgive me if this puts me in trouble.

The other day when I apologized for alluding to self-harm in a post, I deeply regretted that I did it publicly. And that I somehow was making another member seem responsible. But shortly after posting that message, I CALLED A SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE. I got the number right here from this site.

So yes, one day I did not take action. I lived to embrace life again and even start a funny thread in the gay forum.

Somehow we must as a community find a way to be able to talk about self-harm, not in a threatening way, not in a triggering way (well, that's proably impossible--I'm triggered all over the place right now). But in some way that at least allows us to vent and maybe discuss our experiences in calling suicide hotlines or whatever.

Damn! I can't say what I think. I can't say what I feel right now.

I don't approve but believe me I understand. And that is the most awful thing I think any survivor can say.

I am so deeply sorry.

Got to go,

Jasper

P.S. Everyone who is disturbed by this, and who is even remotely thinking along these lines, try this number (in the U.S.):

1-800-273-TALK

They are good people. I talked to them on Monday. And heck--I may even call them again today. It doesn't matter who you call--just call dammit!
 
Jasper,

I was wondering much the same thing once I heard of Scott's death. It really hit me hard in the wake of other things that have happened here recently.

I too wonder if something can be done here about this problem. I take the point that the BoD and mods are not running a suicide crisis center here, and that this sort of thing is a lot different from just managing and focusing discussion among survivors of CSA. But I would like to ask if this can at least be looked at. Specifically:

  • Is the suicide warning properly worded? Does it give a message that can be misinterpreted?
  • Is there any way of establishing a kind of "safety net" here? I'm not sure what I mean by that. Certainly not any kind of formal counselling service, but just some way that someone in danger can be snagged before things get out of hand and helped to seek professional help. I ask because so many of us have very close personal friendships here, and might be more willing to speak to a friend here than to ring a hotline.
The guys at risk are our friends and brothers, so of course we want to do something - or see something done. But here are some points I think we all have to accept in this very sensitive and triggering area:

  • This is a can of worms and for all kinds of practical - not to mention legal - reasons it may not be possible to do anything more. A website cannot save the world from boyhood SA and its consequences.
  • It is not reasonable to ask the the BoD or mods to consult us or start a dialogue on this one. It they think things might require a fresh look, fine, but they are the trained professionals and are best equipped to handle such matters.
  • The BoD and mods already have a pile of pending issues to deal with: 3-4 major items that I know of, and I assume there are others.
  • It is not immediately clear to me how or if a discussion of points relevant to this issue can be pursued while maintaining the very important ban on threatening self-harm here.
Take care,
Larry
 
It is not immediately clear to me how or if a discussion of points relevant to this issue can be pursued while maintaining the very important ban on threatening self-harm here.
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Yes, Larry! That is the very predicament in which I find myself now. And I think your analysis of this situation is right on. It does indeed open an awful can of worms.

I only know for myself that this site is an integral part of my life. I can talk about things here that I can't talk about elsewhere. Not even in therapy. At least, I find I need to talk about it here first, kind of try it out, then I can maybe discuss it with my therapist.

So this place takes on a larger than life role in my life. When I made that stupid pronouncement about leaving, I was totally devastated the next day. To the point of self-harm. I thought I lost the only real group of people who understand me.

So when I called the suicide hotline on Monday, it was a counselor there who helped me see how ridiculous it was, in my case, to take my life instead of just saying, hey, I'm sorry, can I please stay.

But the reason I called the suicide hotline is because I made a promise to my doctor, my partner, my friends, to Larry, to my therapist, and to others that I WILL ALWAYS CALL SOMEONE WHEN I FEEL SUICIDAL.

And I guess that's the best we can do here. Make a deal with each other that we will call a suicide hotline when we feel that way.

God, this kills me so much right now. Because I know it sounds crazy but MedicB4 only started talking about self-harm after I mentioned it in my stupid "report the perps" thread.

Did he get the idea from me?

Maybe that sounds dumb. I know it's highly unlikely. But this is how devastating a suicide can be. So many people get hurt.

Reminder: Call 1-800-273-TALK in the U.S.

If you are in the U.K. please post the number there.

And please, if you are in Sweden, we need that number too.

God help us all. We will get through this. But I am so sorry for being afraid to speak to MedicB4 when he started expressing those feelings. Feelings that we shared. And that others here experience too.

Love you guys!

Jasper

P.S. Stay safe--please!!! Talk to someone--please!!
 
Jasper,

Big hugs little brother. What you said wasn't stupid - you were just in a bad patch anyway. These things happen. The important thing is to learn from the experience, integrate it in a positive way, and move on. That is how we learn.

Your thread on prosecution wasn't stupid either, and I can't see any reason why you should think it had anything to do with what happened to Scott. No one here is at fault. Please do believe that.

Take care,
Larry
 
So very sad to hear of Scott's suicide. Prayers will go up for his wife and children.

"Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we may be able to comfort those experiencing any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
 
I am filled with sadness that a life ended to early. I feel for his family and send them my prayers.

Jonathan
 
(((((Scott))))) - Rest well - you will be hurt no more...

My prayers and sympathies go out to his family

I honestly did'nt get a chance to know scott very well - but it angers me greatly when the perps win and take another away from us...

The Leaders of governments all over this world need to wake up and start realizing that this is no 'little problem' - scott's leaving this life has effected far more than just 1 person...
 
I feel sadness for Scott. I feel heartbreak and despair for his family...I know what it is like to lose a loved one to suicide. I feel guilt and shame over this man's decision to end his life, not that I would have been able to sway him one way or another.

I feel guilt because I let my fears prohibit me from ever responding to his posts or even reading most of them. Things happened here so many months ago, until I feel stupid continuing to be paranoid of others. It makes no sense to be afraid of the 'possibility' of being hurt, especially when there is the very real possibility I could say or do something to help a fellow brother on this site that is hurting or in pain. We are all brothers in this, together. Maybe no one else is as paranoid as I am, but I would urge each of you to step out of your own shadow of fear, and try to help each other so that this tragedy does not repeat itself.

I lost a friend at Christmas to suicide, also with 2 young children. His family is still trying to come to grips with the loss. Many of you know that I lost my own son to suicide in May to suicide. I agree totally with Mikey: "Dammit this is happening too often."

Please read Lloydy's post regarding suicide. Please talk yourself into waiting at least 24 hours before doing anything to harm yourself. Please get help if you feel this is your only option left in life. IT ISN'T! There is ALWAYS a tomorrow. There are people to talk to.

Remember as Mikey told us, "when a life is taken, the creeps win and I cannot abide by that." None of us can abide by that!

Know that Scott is no longer in pain. He is with God. At the same time know that his family is in extreme pain. My thoughts and prayers are with them.
 
I've copied Jaspers & Roadrunners posts and will start a new topic where we can discuss the problems associated with suicide, and leave this topic free.

Dave
 
Your thread on prosecution wasn't stupid either, and I can't see any reason why you should think it had anything to do with what happened to Scott.
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Larry,

I appreciate your saying that. In one thread, there I am saying I'm suicidal. And shortly after, MedicB4 is saying the same thing. Not that I triggered those feelings in him. Maybe more like I gave him permission to express them. But it's just all so crazy stupid. Monday, I was in such total despair that I couldn't see any way to go on. And what saved me? I called 1-800-273-TALK (Sorry if I keep posting that number--I just want guys like me to see it.)

Now it's Friday. My doctor called to arrange an apppointment with a psychiatrist, with an eye toward tweaking my meds to help with the depression. And I feel the love of all you guys around me. So by the grace of God, it is not Andy writing in or calling in to say that something awful happened to me.

Oh, God! I just didn't know what to say to him. When he started posting about suicidal feelings, I was afraid to reply, afraid that it would be breaking the rules. and that I had already broken them myself.

So in honor of MedicB4, I hope something can be done. It's a crazy world when I'm here posting this now. And he's no longer around to reply. And the only difference was maybe a telephone call.

I don't know. I do feel guilty. Why is that?

Take care,

Jasper
 
Guys, please stop posting in this thread, Scott's wife is a member here, and she will be reading this stuff.

Please be careful, and appreciate her grief,

ste
 
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