Me and the Wife, Part Three
lostcowboy
Registrant
The next off crew, refit and patrol went well. The wife to be didn't use up my bank account like happens to so many of the guys, so I went ahead and proposed marriage, and she accepted. But soon she was accusing me of fooling around when I went down for refit. Also when ever we fight, she would bring up the girl in the bar, sort of like a ultimate trump card to win the fight. I did six patrols on that sub, and then was transferred to a submarine tender. At first the tender was ok, right after I reported on board we went to the caribbean, it is very nice down there, but I started thinking about my dad who had recently passed away, I had always told dad about the places I went to. It got me depressed thinking about it, so I decided to get really drunk, drunk enough that I would not remember that my dad had passed away. The guys in my department were going to rent a room to party in, so I asked them if I could stay with them, they said yes, that was my mistake. The tender has a mixed crew on it, and I was not used to drinking heavy around girls. I made a fool of myself with one of the girls, I remember giving her a back-rub, the next thing I remember is power-pucking in the room, and the guys putting me in a cab, to be taken back to the tender. It took me a while to accept that I had made a fool of myself with this girl, I had no memory of it, and these guys are the type that pull pranks on you. So I went and apologized to her for what I knew not what I had done. That was the last time I went out with the guys drinking on the tender. I never told the wife about it. She would just use it as more ammunition to be used when we fight. The wife started driving me to work so she could have the car, and noticed that there was lots of women on the tender, so she started in accusing me of cheating on her again. This is now around 1990,we were still having sex two or three times a week, but one time I went limp right in the middle of having sex, not sure why it happen. It could have been due to one of three things, I was doing a lot of overtime for the navy, 12 to 16 hours a day, we had a lot of subs in port to take care of, or it could have been due to built up resentment due to her always accusing me of cheating, or it could have been due to the full hysterectomy that she had in 1983, she had not had any female hormones for the last seven years. I had tried to get her doctors proscribe them, but there had been a report come out that said the female hormones increased the risk of cancer, so they would not give her a prescription. As some of you know the male sex drive uses visual signals to determine who it is attracted to.
Before we had sex again, we had a big fight, what started it I don't know, but the end result was she dared me to see who could go with out sex the longest. By 1992 I was no longer mad at her, but it really didn't matter as I was no longer attracted to her. I still love her, but I guess its more like a mother son love now with no sexual attraction. I got out of the navy in 1992, you can read about why I got out here, about halfway down the page . When my command said I was getting out of the navy one way or another, only then did I tell my wife about my rape. To me it seemed that my wife sided with the navy that something that happened so long ago could not be affecting my performance in the navy. She also seemed more concerned with what we were going to do for money than me. So I got myself back together, and went off to truck driving school, got a job driving for the next two years, every time I came by the house she would clam that I was cheating on her, that's what all truck drivers did, but I wasn't. My back went out and I had to stop driving truck, I didn't have a job for about four months or so, and then got a job for a gas station as night clerk, I was robbed twice and met the gay guy that I had the affair with there. You can read about the affair here.
Now the wife finally had something to yell about, but I wasn't in the mood to hear it. I quit that job, and got another job driving truck cross country I would call once in a while to make sure she was ok, but all I got was screams about the affair. I stayed on the truck for about nine months, then came down with psoriasis, which in my case caused arthritis, I stayed working until the pain got so bad I could not unload the truck due to not being able to grip the bags tight enough to handle them. Only then did I admit defeat, and call the owner of the truck and say I had to go home and quit. It took about one and a half years to get on disability. At my lowest point, I was so depressed, I was looking at my life insurance policy that I had. I was thinking I was worth more dead than alive, the wife would be better of with me dead. Luckily about that time we got the letter with the date to see the social security disability judge. Well we won the case, but lost our house, so we moved back to Texas. That was in 1998, we have a old trailer house we live in, as far as the marriage goes things have stayed about the same if I go somewhere with out the wife and stay longer than she thinks I should she will accuse me of cheating. I never did regain any sexual attraction to my wife, I don't feel its a problem with me as I seem to be attracted to every pretty girl in town. I masturbate so I won't get too horny. But being that I am not attracted to the wife, I sort of wish I could just switch it off. The only other thing that has happened is the wife's physical health has been slowly deteriating. As some of you will remember I almost lost her in Dec of 2004, while she did recover, she did not come all the way back, she does not have all her balance, so when we go out I keep a hand on her. Also she is starting to have noticeable short term memory loss.
Well that is my life and marriage such as it is.
I have been wanting to get this down for a while, but had resisted as it is not really related to my rape and the problems aren't rape related but more due to the age difference between me and my wife.
But fairly recently I have gotten involved sort of with a married couple from my church, it turned out that both of them have been sexually abused also. I'll try to get the energy to write what little I understand about what is going on there soon.
Take care, and thanks for listening.
Clifford
Before we had sex again, we had a big fight, what started it I don't know, but the end result was she dared me to see who could go with out sex the longest. By 1992 I was no longer mad at her, but it really didn't matter as I was no longer attracted to her. I still love her, but I guess its more like a mother son love now with no sexual attraction. I got out of the navy in 1992, you can read about why I got out here, about halfway down the page . When my command said I was getting out of the navy one way or another, only then did I tell my wife about my rape. To me it seemed that my wife sided with the navy that something that happened so long ago could not be affecting my performance in the navy. She also seemed more concerned with what we were going to do for money than me. So I got myself back together, and went off to truck driving school, got a job driving for the next two years, every time I came by the house she would clam that I was cheating on her, that's what all truck drivers did, but I wasn't. My back went out and I had to stop driving truck, I didn't have a job for about four months or so, and then got a job for a gas station as night clerk, I was robbed twice and met the gay guy that I had the affair with there. You can read about the affair here.
Now the wife finally had something to yell about, but I wasn't in the mood to hear it. I quit that job, and got another job driving truck cross country I would call once in a while to make sure she was ok, but all I got was screams about the affair. I stayed on the truck for about nine months, then came down with psoriasis, which in my case caused arthritis, I stayed working until the pain got so bad I could not unload the truck due to not being able to grip the bags tight enough to handle them. Only then did I admit defeat, and call the owner of the truck and say I had to go home and quit. It took about one and a half years to get on disability. At my lowest point, I was so depressed, I was looking at my life insurance policy that I had. I was thinking I was worth more dead than alive, the wife would be better of with me dead. Luckily about that time we got the letter with the date to see the social security disability judge. Well we won the case, but lost our house, so we moved back to Texas. That was in 1998, we have a old trailer house we live in, as far as the marriage goes things have stayed about the same if I go somewhere with out the wife and stay longer than she thinks I should she will accuse me of cheating. I never did regain any sexual attraction to my wife, I don't feel its a problem with me as I seem to be attracted to every pretty girl in town. I masturbate so I won't get too horny. But being that I am not attracted to the wife, I sort of wish I could just switch it off. The only other thing that has happened is the wife's physical health has been slowly deteriating. As some of you will remember I almost lost her in Dec of 2004, while she did recover, she did not come all the way back, she does not have all her balance, so when we go out I keep a hand on her. Also she is starting to have noticeable short term memory loss.
Well that is my life and marriage such as it is.
I have been wanting to get this down for a while, but had resisted as it is not really related to my rape and the problems aren't rape related but more due to the age difference between me and my wife.
But fairly recently I have gotten involved sort of with a married couple from my church, it turned out that both of them have been sexually abused also. I'll try to get the energy to write what little I understand about what is going on there soon.
Take care, and thanks for listening.
Clifford
