maybe i dont deserve being here..

maybe i dont deserve being here..
M

marry

New Registrant
Hello!First of all,I dont speak english very well,so excuse if I write some things wrong . Im 22 and i live in spain... I read some of the stories I and I just want to say that im relly weak,because Im dealing with someting that can be compared with some of the other stories..I dont remeber very well when it happen,but I probably was during 2/3years, when I was 10-11 years. It happens some times,in the summer. I remember that my grandpa touch me unnapropriatly , when what makes me fell worst I that somehow I like it..besides that, nothing more happen (thank God..),but its very dificult to accept.. at the time,i think i was feeling diferent things..i dont know...Sometimes I ran out, others I just get closer to him.. Then I know that I forget everything ,and I lived a perfect life..( i dont know why i forget...its so strange..)..4 years ago, i start remembering and know I want to go to a therapist to solve this problem in my mind..
Im sorry being so weak and share my story. Anyway, im here to help ;) (sorry again for my bad english!)
 
Hello, Marry,

You DO deserve to be here, as much as anyone else. This is a great, safe place for you to talk about and work on all these issues that you have described, as well as working on them with a therapist. What you described as conflicting emotions is common amoung abused children, because it seemed wrong to us at the time but we were too young to understand really what was happening. It may have felt good, so that is another factor in the confusion for us.

Take your time here, talk as little or as much as you need about whatever you need to. Everyone here will help you as much as you need. And your English is muy bueno! - much better than my Spanish!
 
Hi Marry,

Welcome and yes you have found somewhere safe for you to come and deal with these issues. Although some of us have similar experiances, everybodies story is different. Hope you find help and friends here.

Dale
 
Thank you. Now Im sure that I will have much more reasons to smile in the future.. ;) I hope everybody fells the same!
 
Marry,

Welcome to Male Survivor! I'm glad you found us and I hope the site can help you.

Yes, you do belong here and don't worry about your English. It's easy to understand what you mean.

You raise a lot of issues and I will only touch on one here for the time being. You say you feel so bad because you liked what your grandfather was doing. But in fact you have done nothing to feel ashamed or bad about. We are all sexual beings, and when a boy's body is being touched in a sexual way it will very often respond by feeling pleasure, even if the boy feels confused and frightened about what is happening.

Also remember that you were a child and children usually trust their grandparents. You had every right to think you would be safe with him and to believe that whatever he did with you would be okay. He betrayed you, and it is NOT your fault that you didn't understand what was happening.

I hope you will keep talking here. It does help. Just get used to the site at your own pace, and participate as you become more comfortable here. And as I said, don't worry about the language difference.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hey,roadrunner.I suppose youre right,but sometimes its hard to believe..I think Im luck in some kind of way,but...Ok...I will live my life the best way I know... Im going to talk more often..It might help me a lot..

Love*
 
Marry,

You are here for reasons that are unfortunate and correctly NO ONE DESERVES to be here but we all are here and what we DO DESERVE is the right to heal, feel and live our lifes to the fullest we possibly can.

Fight the good fight

Pete
 
Welcome Marry,

As you can tell, there are a number of us who experience this site as a very helpful place to connect with, learn from , express ourselves, and receive validation for what we feel and experience. Please stay in touch and allow yourself to benefit from what is here for you.

Take care,

Barney
 
Marry,

Welcome! you belong here just as much as the rest of us. And keep posting as much as you like.

Love ya

Darrel
 
Marry,

In case you come to the site just to read sometimes, I want you to know we would be very glad to welcome you back and talk with you more. You do belong here, and you should not feel inadequate or weak about anything. One thing all survivors do when they come here is discover strength they had all along, but just didn't recognize.

Much love,
Larry
 
Welcome to here Marry.

First, do not worry on your English. There are now, and have been before, other non-English speakers here, and always it is enough to make their feelings and needs known. People here are very patient and kind with those non-native with English.

You deserve very much to be here. Anyone who has been through what we have, we deserve it. You deserve compassion and assistance in dealing with the past just so much as anyone else here.

What happened with your grandfather, I am sorry if you feel strange of it because 'somehow I like it'. Our bodies have different systems to them, some are voluntary, some are not. You do not get hiccups because you want them. Something cause them to happen as a reaction. Our bodies, in the private areas, they are very sensitive, and are designed to respond in certain ways to certain touch. It do not matter sometimes what is happening in our mind, our body responds. It do not make you bad or to have shame.

Welcome again here, I hope you can return and find what help you seek. This is a good place, filled with many good people.

Leosha
 
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