Mattheal, in memorium

Mattheal, in memorium
M

ModTeam

Moderator
Staff member
The Mod Team extends it's heart-felt sympathy to the friends and family of Matt (Mattheal). Matt passed away unexpectedly last week.

Matt was a good friend and brother to many here, and his loss is painfully felt. For the author of this post - on behalf of the entire mod team - my words simply fail. But Matt's words live on, here and forever, a touchstone - and speak to us all...


...................Kings

I come from the timeless land of Tut where boys are kings
Sand castles, monkey bars, slides, snow piles
Bicycle steeds and skinned knees
Armies of Tonka, Matchbox, and G.I. Joe
Patron of dinosaurs, bugs, grass, and dirt
And my kingdom prospered innocent and beautiful

But then the monsters came to Tut and attacked
Hidden, bared teeth and poisoned fangs
I fought with all I had, and stayed alive
And when the monster had his fill, he locked me in his lair
Alone in the dark with my silent screams
For twenty-five years

On the day I lost all hope
I saw myself - the cracked crown king
And found the key

I wandered for a while, false starts, unsure footing
Free from my cell, with faded thoughts of Tut
A constant fear of the monsters
And then I found you and the battlefield by the lair

A sea of boys, fire, an endless stream of nonsters
Brave warriors fighting, bloody and exhausted
Despite the chaos, you told me about the battle
Congratulated me for for for finding the key
And I was no longer alone

And I cried
For those still stuck in their cells
For your battles
For your scars

And now I join this crowd of kings
With its heavy scars and pierced armor
And stand beside you in battle
Holding a sword I never knew i had
The Land of Tut may be lost
But its kings shall rule again

...Mattheal, MaleSurvivor Poetry forum, July 20, 2013
 
Oh man...oh man..no...

I'm just stunned by this news. I just chatted with him not too long ago-one of many helpful chats we had.

This is a great loss. I'm honored to have interacted with him even in the difficult circumstances we face. I will miss his pragmatic presence and thoughtful expository poetry.


Tragedy. Sadness. Hope. Courage. Love. Triumph.

Human.

Will
 
This is very sad. I'm sorry about Matt. I didn't get to know him very well. I looked up his story, which tells a lot:

https://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=62072&Number=436450#Post436450

Maybe I shouldn't have posted this, but it seems like we need to know.

Puffer
 
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This is so sad to hear. I believe Matt is at peace. I remember how he said his wife was the only one is in his corner, she sounds like a wonderful woman and person. My thoughts are with her during this difficult time.

Kevin
 
So so sad. My heart goes out to his family and friends and the MS community. I will miss seeing his name here.
 
Matt-I'm so sad to hear this news, but know you are in a better place. May you now rest in peace!
 
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"
 
i first "met" Matt on these forums about the time he joined. i responded to one of his posts and soon we were PMing.

we discovered we had both applied to attend the WoR at Peebles, OH in Oct of 2013. both of us were glad that there would be at least one person that we "knew" there. i recognized him as soon as i set eyes on him. he had said that he was very tall and when i approached the tallest guy there, sure enough, he wore a name sticker that read "Matt 6'6." we were happy to find that we were both assigned to the same small group and i enjoyed getting to know him better and in person. the things we all shared in the group helped us bond and support one another.

i think everyone at the WoR would agree that he was one of the best-liked participants, was a natural leader, had a self-deprecating wit and a charismatic personality. though he said he was very nervous about being there, he was able to set others at ease. he was the true embodiment of the cliche,"gentle giant" - a big teddy bear with a wounded boy's heart, who was not afraid to give and accept hugs. he was intelligent, sensitive, empathetic, vulnerable and apparently fearless in taking chances to expose his hurts and humbly and gratefully receive affirmation and
encouragement. he was truly a memorable person and a warm and wonderful man who loved and appreciated his wife and son.

i last heard from him personally about 3 weeks ago - when he assured me that though he was experiencing a rough patch, he was OK and would pull through.

i was devastated to hear of his passing. he deserved to have had a longer time to recover. he had overcome so much already and was working hard to build a better life. i was privileged to have known him and to consider him my friend. i will miss him.

lee
 
Lee

Sorry for your loss of a friend. One thing Matt's untimely passing made me realize--at MS we bond in many ways because we share a common past--that none of wished we had lived nor we would wish it on anyone else. We are vulnerable and open our lives to each other. I only met Matt through our postings and thought life was looking up for him as he battled current difficulties.

I become sad to think we all try so hard to heal and have no guarantees how many days are left that we can live free of the abuse. Matt had great loves in his life--his wife and son.

Lee, you were a true friend to Matt and we all will remember his journey to heal. He is at peace and in a better place today.

Matt's family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kevin
 
Matt,
My fellow survivor, my brother-in-arms, my dear friend. There comes a time in every warriors journey where he lays down his sword, turns from the battle, and moves on a different path.

You have been a truly influential part of my own healing. Yours was such a grounded quality buttressed by deep wells of caring and compassion for the hardships of others. I will treasure the words that passed between us through all of your struggles and triumphs.

Those struggles are now at an end. You were always so instrumental in opening doors in my understanding and thought process. Now you have opened the biggest door of all. And moved beyond. Words cannot do justice to my sorrow at your passing. But, I rest easier knowing you are blazing that trail ahead of us all, Matt.

We bonded over boys with swords fighting for a worthy cause. Now you and that boy are free. I salute you, my brother. May your spirit soar onward and upward.

Love,
Todd
 
I just heard the bad news from Toddop and even though I didn't know the man I just thought that it would be appropriate for me to post something.

This was a very moving song by Elton John that he played at the funeral of Ryan White a teen I followed hoping he would make it. I would have sent the one he sung at the funeral but music has to be played outside a funeral background in order to remember someone close.

I think about the song every time I sit in Washington Square Park and look at all the pigeons flying around. I think about the day Ryan died and now I have to think about one of our own who has passed on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q16qceWAdd4

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
 
back in the day
we would laugh
and be silly

even though the pain
was still there
it was nice to know
for in those moments
the pain was gone

Matt i hope the pain is gone
but your family and friends
will feel your lose even more

Shine bright like
diamonds in the Sun
Remind us all
that we are
alive to live
a day in such light

gn and tc
 
ScottSmith said:
back in the day
we would laugh
and be silly

even though the pain
was still there
it was nice to know
for in those moments
the pain was gone

Matt i hope the pain is gone
but your family and friends
will feel your lose even more

Shine bright like
diamonds in the Sun
Remind us all
that we are
alive to live
a day in such light

gn and tc
Click to expand...
 
It is so very hard in these moments, to take up the challenge; to speak comfort to a people who are hurting. It is in these moments after all that we feel the weakest. But that is not true, we are not weak, never were.
If ever there is a man who has strength it is a male survivor. As these days progress it is tempting to see only futility, to feel only pain. But that is not a heritage for those who will follow. It is not a legacy we would desire to leave any of us.

It is a time to grieve, yes but not a time to fail. It is for us now to blow the trumpet louder still. To stoke the light to a white hot blaze; to tell with all the might in this earthly frame, we must be heard. It is a time for anger yes in its way, but not anger toward the fallen or the wounded. This murder happened years ago and the perpetrators are who is at fault. They are the ones who deserve our scorn and our anger.

As for this community, it is now that we see the reality of what we wrestle with. And it is now that we ought to draw closer as friends and brothers. When our feelings tell us to distance that is precisely the time to draw close. And when the voice of the bastard tells you that you are alone or that no one cares, then is the time to look him in the eye and call out that is a lie you son of a bitch knowing for certain there are 12000 men standing behind you with more coming every day because you are a part of this community
You are Male Survivors
 
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good perspective, NG!

thank you.

lee
 
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