Hello
OnceInnocent and all:
Please note that "forgiveness" is not something that you do for the perp; you do it for yourself (and God, who wants us to be "happy").
Harboring anger, rage, resentment or whatever negative emotion or thought process does not hurt the perpetrator, it hurts the survivor. Don't get me wrong, anger can and does often propel one to take positive action ("righteous" anger) and that is a good thing.
Consider this true story which I probably won't tell exactly right but the essence is this: The book/movie "Dead Man Walking" is about a man who murdered a woman and was sentenced to death. The father of the woman he murdered was present for the murderer's execution. The execution of his daughter's murderer did not release the girl's father from his anger and hatred for the murderer. He said to the author of the book, who was a nun who provided counselling for the murderer as well as for the woman's family, "now what do I do with this hate"?
I.e. the murderer's death did not release the woman's father from his hatred - it did not bring him peace.
The nun responded: Come let me help you. The presumption is the nun helped him to learn forgiveness - or release.
Hatred keeps us bound to the object of our hate. I know, I have been there.
Forgiveness is something we have to do daily. If I had the power, my preference would be for the perpetrators to be put in prison for their crimes - but forgiveness is to release me from the prison of my hate.
THAT is what Jesus means when He says "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."
It is a gift for the survivor, not the perpetrator. They don't "deserve" it - but, then again, neither do we (yes our sins are not as egregious but they are sins nonetheless.)
Peace to us all.
"Darkness won't drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hatred cannot drive out hatred; only love can do that." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.