Married Men Are Dogs--Okay, Not Really But....
Okay, I know that's not a fair statement. Most married men are not dogs. But for years, that's kind of how I felt. I couldn't believe that there were lots of married, supposedly "straight" men, who cheated on their wives with other men. Or at the very least, married "straight" men, who flirted with guys.
Lord knows, I've had supposedly "straight" men give me the once over--more than once. Some of them have even put the make on me at parties, when no one was looking. Geez, was that ever confusing. Part of me was sometimes flattered. Part of me was sometimes ticked off at them. It was very painful for me too. When I was younger, when I was vulnerable after the break-up of my first long-term gay relationship, I felt like a magnet for "straight" men in heterosexual relationships. And I wasn't even trying to dress "hot" or act "hot." I was just being me and suddenly I would be kissed, or groped. At least until the rest of the party drifted back into the room. Like I said, it was flattering. But it also felt like these guys saw gay men as playthings, that our feelings really didn't matter.
My straight friends, the ones who were hosting these get-togethers, even accused me of lying when I confided in them later. They couldn't believe that these "straight" men had any interest in little old me. So it was all very confusing. And a little bit uncomfortable. Kind of reminiscent of the married man who molested me when I was 17.
Plus I wondered how these "straight" men could live a lie? It made me recall those old movies from the days of segregation, in which "high yeller" black people sometimes tried to pass themselves off as white. If you're African American, you should be proud. If you like men, you're gay and you should be proud of it. So I thought back then, anyhow.
Please forgive me but that's how I thouight in those days. Since I began working on my sexual abuse issues, and since I've been in this forum, I know it's not as simple as I once thought. I know people are in different stages of their journey. I know married men here that I like and respect very much. Who am I to question how they llve their lives? So coming here has opened my eyes a lot. I will never ever see things in simple black-and-white, gay or straight terms again. That's a postive development, don't you think?
Of course, for me the real anger I feel towards married men is directed against the married "straight" man who molested me. He made me feel so dirty. He made me feel like a piece of meat. I felt like I was in bed with my father and that creeped me out. Thank God he's dead and he won't be hurting any other teenage boys.
I know it's silly to even think of that molester as a typical married man. That's like thinking that some married guy who goes out and rapes women is a typical married straight man. But I've been looking back over my life, and how the various sexual abuse issues affected me. And for what it's worth, I'd like to ask some of you married men a few questions. That is, if you feel comfortable sharing.
1) Do you like to flirt with gay guys, even if you have decided to remain faithful to your wife?
2) Do you know that there are some gay guys who go out of their way to flirt with you, just because they like a challenge? And like to see you blush? I'm not talking about me here. But I've known gay guys who boasted about being able to "turn" straight men. It seems silly. But have you ever experienced that?
I know these sound like stupid questions. But I'm just starting to come to terms with married men. And I would really like to get your perspective on these things. Like what bothers you about openly gay people? Or if you could be openly gay, what is it that you most want to do?
Okay...married men are not dogs. Married men who molest are dogs. So thanks for listening to my rant. And if you are married and have anything to share about how things are on "your side of the fence," I'd love to listen. Or if you were married in the past, how was it for you? I think it would help me a lot to hear from you. So please post anything at all that you feel comfortable sharing. Thanks in advance.
And I take it back...all the guys here are gems! Even the married guys!
Take Care,
Jasper
Lord knows, I've had supposedly "straight" men give me the once over--more than once. Some of them have even put the make on me at parties, when no one was looking. Geez, was that ever confusing. Part of me was sometimes flattered. Part of me was sometimes ticked off at them. It was very painful for me too. When I was younger, when I was vulnerable after the break-up of my first long-term gay relationship, I felt like a magnet for "straight" men in heterosexual relationships. And I wasn't even trying to dress "hot" or act "hot." I was just being me and suddenly I would be kissed, or groped. At least until the rest of the party drifted back into the room. Like I said, it was flattering. But it also felt like these guys saw gay men as playthings, that our feelings really didn't matter.
My straight friends, the ones who were hosting these get-togethers, even accused me of lying when I confided in them later. They couldn't believe that these "straight" men had any interest in little old me. So it was all very confusing. And a little bit uncomfortable. Kind of reminiscent of the married man who molested me when I was 17.
Plus I wondered how these "straight" men could live a lie? It made me recall those old movies from the days of segregation, in which "high yeller" black people sometimes tried to pass themselves off as white. If you're African American, you should be proud. If you like men, you're gay and you should be proud of it. So I thought back then, anyhow.
Please forgive me but that's how I thouight in those days. Since I began working on my sexual abuse issues, and since I've been in this forum, I know it's not as simple as I once thought. I know people are in different stages of their journey. I know married men here that I like and respect very much. Who am I to question how they llve their lives? So coming here has opened my eyes a lot. I will never ever see things in simple black-and-white, gay or straight terms again. That's a postive development, don't you think?
Of course, for me the real anger I feel towards married men is directed against the married "straight" man who molested me. He made me feel so dirty. He made me feel like a piece of meat. I felt like I was in bed with my father and that creeped me out. Thank God he's dead and he won't be hurting any other teenage boys.
I know it's silly to even think of that molester as a typical married man. That's like thinking that some married guy who goes out and rapes women is a typical married straight man. But I've been looking back over my life, and how the various sexual abuse issues affected me. And for what it's worth, I'd like to ask some of you married men a few questions. That is, if you feel comfortable sharing.
1) Do you like to flirt with gay guys, even if you have decided to remain faithful to your wife?
2) Do you know that there are some gay guys who go out of their way to flirt with you, just because they like a challenge? And like to see you blush? I'm not talking about me here. But I've known gay guys who boasted about being able to "turn" straight men. It seems silly. But have you ever experienced that?
I know these sound like stupid questions. But I'm just starting to come to terms with married men. And I would really like to get your perspective on these things. Like what bothers you about openly gay people? Or if you could be openly gay, what is it that you most want to do?
Okay...married men are not dogs. Married men who molest are dogs. So thanks for listening to my rant. And if you are married and have anything to share about how things are on "your side of the fence," I'd love to listen. Or if you were married in the past, how was it for you? I think it would help me a lot to hear from you. So please post anything at all that you feel comfortable sharing. Thanks in advance.
And I take it back...all the guys here are gems! Even the married guys!
Take Care,
Jasper
I'm afraid I would look just plain silly in leather. After living in a big city for many years (San Francisco), Andy and I have become simple country folk. Denim and sweats kind of guys. I guess the only "neighbors" we have to try and impress are black bears, deer, foxes, jack rabbits, hawks, barn owls, coyotes, and the occasonal moose. We are now that rural!