MarkM

MarkM
M

Mike Church

Registrant
My brothers I have some very painful news to pass on to you. PLease be careful reading it.

I received a personal mail from Eve his girlfriend and she said it was ok to post something.

Here is part of her mail to me.

I dont know how to start this letter, I know its going to be very difficult for you and the last thing I want is to bring more pain into your life. You have no idea how difficult this is to me too but even if you dont realise, youve become part of our lives and I owe you that. Mike, you have to be strong.


Mark died last week, November 23. It was very sudden, and I like to think he died in peace. We were in Winnipeg and he felt a strong pain in his heart. It happened very fast, he just collapsed. The doctors told me he didnt suffer; it was a massive acute heart attack. He died before the paramedics came in. He died in my arms.

He was so happy the days before, looking forward to meeting you and telling you the news. We made love some days before for the first time and he was so proud of it, he was finally feeling like a normal man, whatever that means.

It seems he had a congenital heart disease, probably a genetic condition or something. I really dont know I had no strength to go after that. He had a check-up some months ago and everything was ok, he was very healthy. He was not taking any medication, not even sleeping pills. He was feeling very good about himself.

I feel so bad I didnt talk to you before, but to tell you the truth I completely forgot everything about everybody else. It was his wish to donate his organs, and despite of his heart disease, the doctors could help some people with his organs. Im happy with that. He would be too. And its good to know that parts of him are still alive.


My brothers I weep for my young brother Mark and I know I will never forget him or the strength that he was showing to us all. I can never understand why God sees fit to take those that mean to be good and strive for what we all deserve. But I am eternally grateful that he touched my life however briefly.
 
I feel so alone and helpless now and I feel murderous. Because a decent young man dies while perps continue to practice their terrible craft. There really is no justice at all as far as I can see. Even my faith offers me no haven now. Why? Why?

I almost lost Al and now I have lost Mark. Shit Shit Shit Shit.
 
Thank you, Mikey, for taking on the hard task of sharing this sad news with the rest of us.

I am so sorry for this loss and the pain it is causing you. You have such a big heart, Mike, and you give your love so generously to us all.

Now I hope you can accept some of the love and support in return from me and the other guys here.

Though Mark is gone; we're not. We're here together with you. We still have each other. We still have what Mark brought to us through his personal struggles.

We still have life and hope. Hang in there, Mike.

I know it hurts like hell, to keep losing people over and over again. But I'm not gone. I'm here with you and here for you.

You make such a big difference in the lives of so many of us. Mark was like me, a lucky one, who got here and to to feel the warm love and support of a strong man like you.

((((((((MIKE)))))))))

Your loving brother,
 
Mikey, we have lost a brother. It really hurts to lose someone who was a brother in this fight for a better world and a safer one.

Mark knows all the answers now. He is healed of all his pain. Those like you and Eve who were especially close to Mark will hurt a lot. But, I believe that Mark will help you to heal from this loss.

Congenital heart conditions take a special test to find. It is too bad that it is not a normal part of our first physical. So many lives could be saved.

Please let Eve know that we are here for her. If there is something we can do for her I know we would all do whatever we can.

At least Mark knew that he had brothers who truly cared for him, that loved and respected him. Some people never know that on this side.

Bob
 
Sorry to hear about your loss Mike. A loss for all of us. He passed away a winner because he spoke about his abuse, it was not hidden in a dark corner, but revealed. And most importantly, he had caring, loving relationships; a girlfriend and many friends who cared about him, and who he cared for. That makes him a rich man in my books.
I have no doubt that he is in a better place. Peace, Andrew
 
Mike,
My heart goes out to you and to Eve. Tell her I'm very sorry. ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
 
Mike, Eve and others - Sorry for your loss. But glad that he had come among us and was a survivor!

Howard
 
Mikey,

It is a shock to read this. I know you must feel a lot of pain now. I had always hoped we would hear more from Mark when he felt like posting again. For myself, I will always remember the way he came here, at Eve's suggestion, and quickly gained strength. I think the connection he had with you was a great help to him. He would probably want you to continue being the same Mikey that helped him when the next confused guy comes through here.

Joe
 
Mikey... I'm so, so sorry that you must endure such a great loss. You are an amazing person, and the anger that you feel makes up an important part of you. I think I speak for everyone here (and I'm sure for Mark too) when I say that the anger you have when bad things happen to us helps us to feel validated in the anger that we have a hard time feeling for ourselves. Thank you for being such a rock here at MS, and for volunteering to share the bad news as well as the good.

With all my sympathy,
Sean
 
Mark was one the good guys, he tried so hard to be the man he wanted to be. I believe he always was 'that man' - his life as a boy just meant he didn't get to know that man fully.
Although Eve certainly knew Mark the man.

Many of us 'knew' Mark here and I know he communicated a great deal by PM's in the background in his eagerness to recover. He used to make me smile in his rush to get better, he knew that recovery is possible and that he had the desire to get there.
I think he did in his own way.

Mike, you were certainly special to Mark and Eve and this must be so sad for you, but you must hold your up proudly because you did so much more than expected.

It's a sad sad day, but I also feel proud that Mark felt strong enough to make the effort to heal, and that there are guys here making that possible.

Dave
 
I really do not know what to say. I read this post and left and then came back and read through again.

I regret I did not encourage Mark more. I regret that I did not get to know him better.

I remember his wonderful threads of pain and sorrow and moments of victory. I remember when he very first came here and I remember just wanting to take him and hold him and fix everything.

I remember being amazed that Eve was so wonderful in sticking by him and supporting him.

I still cannot fathom that he is gone.

Mickey, I am so sorry for your loss. And I am so sorry for Eve as well.

I do not know what else to say. May many people have a richer and fuller life because Mark lived.

BT
 
Mike,

I'm so very, very sorry. I really had great respect and admiration for Mark, especially his courage in talking about very painful things. His example is what finally led me to start posting. I regret not having had the chance to let him know. (I'm sure he does know now.)

Mike, I can only echo what the other brothers have said. You've been such a rock for us. Let us return some of that support and encouragement.

Tom
 
To all of You:
Thankyou for your kind words. It helps ease the pain and the void. He was so young and trying so hard and I know that he is in a better place. The pain is knowing that he and Eve will not have children and I will never meet him face to face and shake his hand and hug him.

Thanks again
 
This was truly a shock! Very sad.

I too remember Mark MM from his very first posts and from Eve's posts before him. I know he felt his deep pain so acutely, all the more so that Eve loved him so much. I remember the remarkable progress and bravery he showed in going so quickly into recovery. Altough he might not have seen his own progress as well, it was remarkable and brought a smile to my face to see.

I remember too, the remarkable devotion that Eve showed, they must truly be two unique, strong people.

Mark did us all proud in his efforts and I'm sure he would have done much more had he been given the time. Its sad to hear that he left this world so early.

Mike, you are a strong, kind, and brave soul. It shows so much in your willingness to get involved and to give such an honest damn about people. Think it hurts all that much more when someone is taken from you for that reason--just my humble opinion. Its a credit to your character though.

Eve, if you read this, I am very sorry for your loss. Your devotion to Mark was always an inspiration. Glad both of you passed this way!!!

Peace,

Aaron
 
I feel sadness, but mixed with joy. He is a great man. He is still with us! He is with us in spirit and strength. He will always be here and in our hearts.

I am sorry, my friend, for your personal loss, but grief shared is grief halved. Let me help with your burden.

Pax vobiscum, Mike. Rest in peace, my beloved brother, Mark. I will miss you.

Scot
 
I just wanted to thank everybody for your kind words about Mark and for all you help to him while he was using this site. I can assure you that coming to this site was the best thing it could have happened to him and I really believe it helped him to understand what he was going through.

Mark was a very brave soul who just didnt have time to build a happy life in this world. Gods choice I guess I know hes happier now and he would like to know everybody here is working hard to find the peace all of you deserve.

Thank you very much.

Eve
 
Wow...I don't know what to say. I just read quite a bit of his posts. I'm hardly on here and did not know Mark (so I hope I do not intrude), but was just so struck by what happened. From his posts, I can see his struggle. Indeed, it is something to which we can all relate, and it is disappointing when one of our comrades in the struggle falls.

To "newcanuck" (Eve?), I know you do not know me, but wanted to say that I am praying for you. I know it's little comfort (a best friend of mine from college died unexpectedly in a similar way just a few years ago--we were freshmen at the time), but please take comfort that you are not alone (if for whatever reason you need to vent to someone, send me a private message and I will do my best to reply).

Also, I am sure you meant so much to him. As an abused person, I know that the words of my girlfriend at the time (who was the first person I told about the abuse) were so helpful. I hope you realize how much of a blessing you have been. Please take comfort also that at least now he is resting and that he is still always with you. As tough as it seems, try to live on with your life as you know he would surely want you to.

God Bless to all those in mourning, and stay strong as I think Mark would want us all to.
 
Eve
thank you so much for coming here and sharing those thoughts, Mark was a lovely young man and your loss must be terrible.

Many survivors are lucky enough to have a loving partner, friend or family member who supports 100% without even trying, they do it from love.
We know how much that means to us, but we don't always tell that person. And we should every day.
I tknow Mark knew how much love and support he got from you, and I know he told you that as well.

That's a wonderful memory.

Dave
 
i really hate to hear about Mark, especially after this much time. i wondered why he quit emailing me. i guess he finally has peace with the gohsts that haunted his relationship and life. i am sorry for loss of such a good man. he will be missed...
 
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