Mark

[Greg56]

For some reason I'm in the middle of reminiscing of HS. In 9th grade I was assigned a locker next to a boy named Mark. He was a senior, basketball captain, very good looking and athletic. He had a girlfriend who shared his locker. We would see each other between most classes and became friends. He became somewhat of a "protector" of me.

One day I hadn't seen him or his girlfriend at the locker. Later that day I found out he had shot himself in the head. I was devastated. I had never seen him unhappy...but, that doesn't tell what his home life was like. I've never been able to understand why someone so popular would do that. But, I guess you never know.

Greg

 

[AuthenticMe]

The stuff we go through. My heart goes out to Mark and his family. Sorry you lost a protector, but does it feel good to know someone was there for you? When I was in my dark periods, I felt so alone. Then at some point I remembered Andre, a friend of mine from middle school who had lost his mother. We became close friends and because he had a (well-deserved) reputation for an eagerness to fight, no one really messed with me. He was incredibly kind and generous towards me always - when he was going to get in a fight, he would tell me to go home so I wouldn't get into trouble.

 

[Greg56]

I guess I should add that this wasn't the first of my friends to die. In elementary school, a good friend drowned. In 7th grade...Frankie was electrocuted in one of those electrical stations(I don't know the proper name). In 8th grade, my cousins, Ross and Roy (twins) had built a "dune buggy" out of an old Volkswagon. One day while racing it around...the car flipped. Roy was thrown free, Ross was pinned under the car when it exploded.

I hope no one minds about these posts. I'm not sure why I'm writing them.

Greg

 

[Shyshark]

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[Greg56]

Not at all shyshark, thanks for sharing...you've hijacked nothing. Although I've attempted it before...there must be angels looking out for me...I always got caught or come away without a scratch. It's tough to lose people who you've come to know and love this way.

Fortunately, I've not felt the need for me to do this again for quite some time. I've pretty much conquered the demons and put them in their place. I'm quite content with myself now.

 

[Shyshark]

Hi Greg ...

I've been uneasy about the response I had put up because it might be a bit upsetting to some guys ...
so I've taken it down.

Thnx

 

[C. E.]

I'm so sorry, Greg. I had two "big brothers" growing up. One was my molester. The other was my truest friend in the world - my protector. He killed himself, too. Surviving his suicide was a very difficult journey for me, and I wrote about here.

Like surviving childhood sexual abuse, I believe there is no recovery. These are not just wounds - they are amputations. You never regain what was lost. Like someone who loses a leg from an IED, it just doesn't come back. The stumps we are left with - whether they be the stumps of a truncated childhood or the stumps of lost friendships - they remain just stumps. They heal over, of course. And there can be peace. Even acceptance. But anything more is a mirage. Pinning hopes on a so-called recovery is the short path to hell .... at least that is what my journey has shown. I respect that your journey - or others here - may be different. I wish I could give you a hug, my friend. It sounds like you need one...

 

[KMCINVA]

Greg56

I am sorry to hear of Mark. We never know what is happening in one's life, what they have suffered or lived. As a survivor I know I never told anyone until later in life. There was a boy with me at times of the abuser. He died a few years after it ended. In my journey with the Church to disclose the abuse, I received confirmation is death was suicide. I had heard when young drugs or suicide. No one knew of his abuse nor did I tell when he died. It ate at me. His mother only learned of the abuse recently. I can imagine the guilt she lived with since his death.

You have a kind heart to remember a friend and someone who protected you. Like us, little can be done until we open up about the abuse to help us. At least I, put on a great charade, a charade was my life. Your friend Mark was in great pain but hid it well.

Your post reminds me of the importance of being kind to everyone and not to judge or assume anything about someone life, because we all have hidden emotions and truths.

I am sorry for the loss, because it must have impacted you.

Kevin

 

[KMCINVA]

This is a difficult topic for me--I have lived many dark days and had a try at it--fortunately saved by the quick response of others and the use of an old antidote. It is sometimes easier to see the end as the way out. The boy who was with me at times committed suicide a few years after the abuse ended.

Two videos which have been shared with me, and I do look at them when starting to feel down help keep in check.

The first is more inspirational and provokes thought

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVpB3Sfcw28

The second is one of the few survivors who has jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge. May be because his name is Kevin and it becomes personal. One sentence rings through my mind, he said all survivors said the same thing, "one millisecond after my hand left the rail it was an instant regret. I think of those words often and realize those that truly care and have not turned fro me would be sad and have regret they did not more. I think of those who have turned and know they would just pretend they did not have a negative impact on someone's life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcSUs9iZv-g