MaleSurvivor Guidelines

Not open for further replies.

C. E.

Staff member
Site Use Guidelines

First and foremost, adults (age 18 and up) who use the MS website must realize that this is a place that wishes to promote healing and not chaos. It is not a substitute for therapy and should not be used as a place to vent unprocessed emotions without regard to the effect doing so would have on others. It is a place where questions can be asked and stories shared for the benefit of all rather than reactions that serve to confuse, scare and rob the site of its safety. It is a place where people can take risks to explore issues that require the understanding and support of other brother survivors. It is a place founded and run by survivor volunteers who give of their time and energy to provide for men just like them and to protect the organization that makes it all a reality.

If you are currently in an unsafe situation or aware of someone at risk, we urge you to contact local law enforcement. MaleSurvivor does not provide these intervention services.

MaleSurvivor does not condone the posting of the full names or other personal information that can lead to the identification of other users or members of the public at large on the website. Posts that include this information will be removed by site management. Repeated violations of this policy may lead to suspension and/or termination of the user's posting privileges.

Site Management is responsible for the operation of the MaleSurvivor website within the guidelines posted herein. Moderators are volunteers who do their best to consult with one another to avoid responding subjectively to situations on the website. We ask for your patience and trust that the guiding principle followed is maintaining the safety of the site for all to use with respect and responsibility.

Because we are a moderated community, it is important that registered users be aware that ALL communications made on the MaleSurvivor website are filtered by the website for content and subject to review by site management personnel.

We monitor all forums to manage posts which contain:
  • Illegal statements
  • Threats of harm, including suicide threats (If you are contemplating suicide, we urge you to seek help immediately or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 )
  • Explicitly suggestive sexual content
  • Perpetrator behavior
  • Incendiary and disrespectful statements, including the singling out of any individual or group of people based upon race, religion, profession, gender, sexual identity, nationality, or political affiliation.
  • Political conversations or debates. This is NOT a political forum. We do understand, however, that sometimes subject matter of abuse crosses into a local or national political discussion and in those instances, we ask you refrain from generalizations or arguments that could inflame partisan sentiment.
In any case, in addition to the above, the moderator team reserves the right to act as it deems necessary to meet the interests of community safety and ensure the tenets of support and healing.


In some circumstances where users have been suspended from site participation they may be asked to have their therapist contact one of the MaleSurvivor mental health professionals prior to their return to the website.

Off Site Contact

MS believes that persons newly arrived here are often vulnerable to acting out or being occasionally targeted.

We have gone to great effort to monitor this site and to provide an environment which will welcome survivors, many of whom have serious trust issues. While we cannot guarantee complete safety here, we strongly recommend that you do not give out personal information or involve yourself with anyone you meet here by going off site until you have gotten to know them for at least three months based on communications on site. It is not appropriate to invite new persons to converse off site since we have no way to monitor off site activity. It is equally not appropriate to bring off site issues between persons to this board.

While we can't control anyone's off-site activities, it is our policy to discourage it and to urge anyone beginning such communication to proceed with caution. We want each of you to be safe and to use the site in the best way possible for your recovery.

We strongly recommend that you:
  • Use a display name on this site other than your legal name
  • Do not give your true legal name out to anyone who asks for it.
  • Do not give out your personal email address to anyone here.
  • Do not give anyone your home address, phone number or even the city you live in.
  • Someone who may appear well-meaning may ask you to email him your picture. We ask that you not do that.
Off Site Links in Posts and Signatures

Offsite links are allowed with some limitations. Generally, offsite links can be a regular and effective part of some forums such as the U.S. & World News forum and Books, Music & Films for Survivors forum due to the nature of those venues, and yet inappropriate for others such as Survivor Stories which should be a personal written composition. We encourage active writing for most of the content here; these pages ultimately comprise a rich compendium of the collective voices of survivors in their own words of shared experience and support. Offsite links are allowed in-so-far as they support that effort. Specifically:
  • Offsite links should not be used as a substitute for written posts but rather as an addendum to provide supporting material for a fully written post.
  • Offsite links cannot be used in any post in the Survivors Story forum.
  • Offsite links should not link to gratuitously violent or sexual content except as it directly relates to an appropriate and pertinent conversation or topic.
  • Offsite links should never contain explicitly sexual or violent material.
  • Offsite links should not be used to identify any person registered on this site, their family members or friends, or an abuser of anyone on the site including the poster's abuser.
  • Notwithstanding the above items in this section, offsite links may be removed at the sole discretion of the moderator team for any reason
Requests for Interviews/Survivors' stories for literary, artistic or journalistic purposes

This website is intended to promote healing and support by encouraging users to interact with one another and to give them a safe place to speak about things that can often be difficult to share.

From time to time, researchers, journalists, or other writers and artists may reach out to MaleSurvivor seeking people willing to take part in academic studies or some form of interview. While we believe that sharing our stories can be an empowering experience, it is just as important that no users of this website ever feel obliged, forced, or unduly pressured to speak to anyone they do not want to.

In order to protect the privacy and maintain the overall safety of users here on the website anyone looking for people to share their stories for off site use (i.e. academic studies or news stories) are asked not to contact individual users but, rather, contact site management. All such requests will be reviewed and posted in an appropriate public forum if warranted.

Issues of Concern:


If you feel a post is abusive or belongs in another forum, please report it to a moderator. If you receive a private message you believe is abusive or inappropriate, please contact an administrator and include a copy of the message/conversation. For the purpose of maintaining order within the forum do not respond publicly if something is triggering you. It is best for you to bring your concerns directly to a moderator or site administrator. Be advised that information affecting site administration or site safety will be shared with the administration and moderator team.

Interim moving or closing of posts will occur in order to allow moderators to decide how to respond to a perceived problem. We ask that temporary moves or closing of a thread be respected by suspending further discussion on that topic. Such action is done to allow us time to consider the problem and determine how to deal with it. If it is made permanent, we will state that it is and explain our reasons.


If you know you are posting triggering material in your posts please put in subject header Trigger Warning.

Please be mindful of the fact that when we react to something it is often due to being triggered into a memory of our own abuse and has little to do with what someone is posting. PLEASE TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS AND STEP BACK TO CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF. Send a message to a mod or the site administrator and get someone else's take on the issue before posting an emotional response to the post that triggered you. A suggested approach is to write your response with "I" statements and without saying "YOU." If you see yourself arguing or attacking another, you are reacting! Survivors come from all nationalities, faiths, sexual orientations and racial groups. Respect and compassion must be the cornerstone of how we respond to one another.


Private messages to the Site Administrator or the Web Oversight Committee about your concerns are appropriate. Please understand that actions are often based on information which cannot be shared publicly without harming other members on the site. Our decisions are often impossible to make without offending someone and therefore our primary goal is to promote healing and increase safety.

Please remember that:
  • Issues that moderators determine are beyond their purview will be sent to the Website Oversight Committee.
  • Moderators are here to keep posts and responses balanced and in keeping with Site Guidelines.
  • Removing posts is an action of last resort. If something that you think is objectionable is left on the board make your comments privately to Site Administration but respect a moderator team's decision not to remove the post
  • Closing discussion in a string of posts will result if we feel that it contains a potential trigger - PLEASE DO NOT CARRY THE DISCUSSION TO A NEW POST
Multiple Accounts

In the interest of keeping this site and its users safe from fraud, users establishing multiple accounts will not be allowed on the MaleSurvivor site. In cases where apparent multiple accounts appear, all such accounts will be blocked pending clarification of the situation. If this happens to you, please do not be offended or think that this means you have done something wrong or are under suspicion. All we are doing is verifying the situation for the sake of the security and safety of the website.

We understand that in some circumstances there will continue to be cases where entirely legitimate use of the site will still give an impression of use of multiple accounts, for example, when a survivor and his partner are using the same computer. If you are approached about this we would appreciate your support and assistance in clarifying the matter. We are anxious to work with all of you to maintain your ability to access the site as safely and freely as possible.


In regard to letter/email writing and other such campaigns, as worthy as they may be, it is important that this site follow some procedures to insure that this is the best tactic and energy efficient way to address that subject. Therefore, any posts calling for or implying a campaign (i.e. online activism, letter writing campaigns, phone calls, etc.) of any sort must have prior acceptance of the Site Administrator and/or Web Oversight Committee. Any such posting without prior clearance will be pulled and referred to the Site Management.

Posting of news stories about abuse issues

Postings of news stories must be posted in the US and World News Forum. Any copyright material (print or images) may not be posted without permission from the copyright holder.


It is our belief that sharing of art or photographs in the form of an avatar can be a validating, even healing experience for many in the MaleSurvivor community. Users are encouraged, if they wish, to produce and post their own avatar. This avatar may be, but is not necessarily limited to, a picture of themselves at any age, and must adhere to the following standards:
  • All individuals or characterizations depicted in an avatar must be fully clothed.
  • No political avatars
  • No use of a photo of someone other than the user, unless the photo is of a well-known, generally recognized public or historical figure (e.g. an avatar of George Washington would be okay; one of a high-school classmate would not)
  • No avatars likely to cause stress or anxiety (strobing images, tortured figures, etc.)
  • No avatars likely to give offense (e.g. Hitler, etc.)
  • No weapons
  • No portrayals of anything that is explicitly or implicitly sexual or violent
  • No pictures that suggest or depict addictions or addictive behavior
  • Nothing that would compromise or reveal your personal contact information
The moderators will retain sole review and discretion rights concerning avatars and may from time to time remove or ask a user to remove an avatar that in their opinion violates the above guidelines or is in any other way triggering or unhealthy to the welfare of our community.

At Risk Forum

The At Risk Forum is for survivors who have done - or feel they are at risk to do - inappropriate, harmful, or abusive behavior to others, have done so in their childhood or adolescence, or have acted out sexually through certain behaviors that may be causing shame. This is also for survivors who are experiencing uncomfortable or shameful feelings or thoughts of acting out sexually on another person.

Due to the sensitive nature of some of the discussions in At Risk, admission to post or read is by application to the moderator. You must be a paid member of MaleSurvivor (limited scholarship funds are available for those who cannot afford membership) and the person must let Webmaster Nathan LaChine r know why he wants access. Information shared within this forum is to remain confidential and is not to be shared with anyone outside of this forum.

Other important information and disclosures

Considering the real-time nature of the MS Discussion Board, it is impossible for moderators to immediately review messages or confirm the validity of information posted. Please remember that we at MaleSurvivor are not responsible for any messages posted. We do not warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. The messages express the views of the author of the message, not the views of MaleSurvivor or any entity associated with MaleSurvivor. Any user who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to contact a member of site administration immediately by PM. We have the ability to remove objectionable messages and we will make every effort to do so, within a reasonable time frame, if we determine that removal is necessary and according to the website guidelines.

You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use the MS Discussion Board to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually inappropriate, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise violates any law or regulation governed in your community. You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or you have permission from the copy right holder. Please note that advertisements, chain letters, pyramid schemes, and solicitations are inappropriate and not allowed on the MaleSurvivor website.

MaleSurvivor retains ownership of all content posted on the website and also reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to remove any message it determines is not in the interests of a healing community. You remain solely responsible for the content of your messages.

MaleSurvivor also reserves the right to reveal your identity array(or whatever information we know about you) in the event of a complaint or legal action arising from any message posted by you.


By accepting, you agree to follow these guidelines and any amendments posted in the Announcement's forum for your participation on this website and understand that there are consequences for not doing so.

Chat use Guidelines (which extend to the entire site including discussion forums)

Chat at MaleSurvivor is a privilege. All chat participants should adhere to the guidelines in order to keep the Chat environment safe and secure for all. Because of its dynamic interface, we are addressing chat as a separate topic but behavior consistent with these guidelines is expected in the discussion boards (fora) as well as conduct in private messages. This list is not all inclusive and may be modified and updated at any time by the administration without prior notice. Failure to adhere to the guidelines may result in temporary or permanent loss of registrant/membership privileges:
  • The tone in Chat and in the discussion forums must remain respectful to other's beliefs and opinions. It is expected that members will disagree in a respectful fashion.
  • Do not use the Chat Room service while under the influence of alcohol or illegal drugs
  • Ad hominem personal attacks and name calling are not permitted anywhere on the site. The definition of what constitutes a personal attack is within the judgment of the moderating team.
  • No slurs of any kind will be directed at any person, the MaleSurvivor organization or its agents are permitted anywhere on the site. The definition of what constitutes a slur is within the judgment of the moderating team.
  • Kindly respect the right of others to refuse to answer questions or interact if they choose not to do so, and refrain from unwanted and invasive questioning.
  • Personal information (i.e. Phone Numbers, E-Mail Addresses, Mailing Addresses, Locations, whether your own or someone else's) shall not be posted publicly. Please defer to the Site Use Guidelines themselves regarding exchange of private information policy.
  • Family and Friends may interact in the Main Lounge as long as all lounge participants are comfortable with them doing so but must move to the F&F room if requested to do so.
  • Public discussion of administrative and moderator actions is not allowed. If one disagrees with an action taken by a moderator or an agent of the MaleSurvivor organization, one may address the grievance as set forth in the Site Use Guidelines which state:
Private messages to the Site Administrator or the Web Oversight Committee about your concerns are appropriate. Please understand that actions are often based on information which cannot be shared publicly without harming other members on the site. Our decisions are often impossible to make without offending someone and therefore our primary goal is to promote healing and increase safety.

Because we are a moderated community, it is important that registered users be aware that ALL communications made on the MaleSurvivor website are filtered by the website for content and subject to review by site management personnel.

If you have any questions or concerns please message any moderator using the envelope icon above, or email
Not open for further replies.