MALE SURVIVORS AND PTSD

MALE SURVIVORS AND PTSD
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OKIE MIKE

Registrant
I think that most SA victoms have PTSD (Post Tramitic Stres Disorder ) in some form or another. I know that being a Victom of Sexual abuse has affected my life for almost 30 years
and has changed the way that I look at the world . I have trust issues with most people and I am a loner because of what happened to me .
I would like to know how has it affected the way that You look at the world .
 
hi there though it is always advisable to take the help of a good proffesional when it comes with dealing with the effect of sexual abuse i am not sure if ny experience can
In my case it has been very traumatic to say the least iam suffer from flashbacks insominia and bulimia and obesity relationship problems to say the least
I think depending upon the severity as well as the duration of the incidence as well as whom your prep
was th severity of yr trauma cold be the same
 
Michael,

PTSD shows up in me in the form of flashbacks, hypervigilance, fear of being touched, and dread of people moving around behind me.

My new T is taking the view that what counts is my whole situation as a survivor, as opposed to this or that symptom or syndrome. She doesn't even like to talk about PTSD with me; she think's it's too restricting.

I am too new to recovery to have made a lot of progress on the PTSD, but I can say that the flashbacks have decreased and I am not as fearful of "the world" as I once was. What I am finding is that as I make progress in general the specific areas are also becoming more bearable. I don't collapse emotionally and instantly when a flashback comes, for example. I am a bit better at holding myself together and accepting that this is not real.

I guess I would have to say that I feel that PTSD is something I will beat, just as I will prevail against depression and whatever other shit is clattering around between my ears. I feel that I can be positive about this and believe that I am still safe.

Hope this helps.

Much love,
Larry
 
Michael,

I read a paper that said PTSD is an established effect of abuse trauma.

I have been referred to a psyche doc about it, and he treats war vets.
Any trauma can cause it, including big operations to save life.

Docs dont understand it, mine doesnt, so I am getting referred,

ste
 
Michael,

My therapist tells me the way I describe things at times is like how special forces describe the world when dealing with their PTSD. Always vigilent, always aware of potential harm to myself or others.

When I teach I dissociate at times. Just go somewhere. So far it's been only for a second or two ... students think I just lost my train of thought or thinking of what next to say. In therapy or group support I dissociate when discussion are too painful ... and also when I start making progress ... like a mental block. Using techniques to stay grounded can be a big help.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Hey, Michael:

My PTSD just came to the forefront a couple of years ago, in the form of paralyzing test anxiety during medical school exams. It SUCKED. People assumed that the PTSD was related to my military background, but in my heart I knew that wasn't the case... I just could not figure out why I had it.

At the time when my therapist mentioned, off-hand, the possible correlation with childhood sexual abuse, (which wasn't even something I had considered at that point), it was like someone hit me over the head with a 2x4. I went into a deep tailspin for a week or two, and only was able to climb out with the help of my wife, family, friends, and clergy.

I eventually took a leave of absence from medical school and completed a year of therapy at an excellent center for anxiety disorders. The trauma isn't gone, per se, but I can deal with it now, and I am back in classes and passing exams.

It is odd, but I never had anxiety before medical school. Not in college, not in hostile zones with the Marines. Never. But the stress of school seemed to pull it all to the front, somehow. I still don't know why, actually, not that it really matters.

Now that I have started to deal with the PTSD, I dissociate less. I laugh (and mean it) more. I am a better husband. Of course, I don't think that I will never feel hypervigilant again... in fact, I am a new father and I fight being overprotective of my baby girl. But it is a lot better.

I wish you peace, man.
 
STE

Yeah. Maybe we need more docs who DO understand it, because they have been there.

I was pissed off at a lot of people/professionals for not understanding, and then I thought to myself -- would I really WISH this on someone, just so they could understand it?

(That said, people who don't understand it ought to, more often than not, shut their traps and leave this kind of stuff to the people who do!)

Good luck with your referral, I hope you get a compassionate and skilled caregiver.
 
Kurt,

when I see my doc the weird thing is this.
What if I was 11yo talking to you?
You would be denying what I tell you!

I told my doc that meds make me panic and other stuff.

She says, Oh the meds are to stop that!
I say, if you read the notes carefully, it says a side effect is to heighten those feelings.
Wow, she says, you are right, so we think of a higher dose!

The last time I saw her, I said, I have got things wrong that you cannot diagnose.
She says like what?
I said PTSD, DID, etc., so she just said, yes, I will send you to someone who can do it.

Nah, docs should spot these signs, it should not be up to me to self diagnose myself.
I am not even saying that I have these things, I am not a doctor, but I cannot just carry on the way this thing goes.

If I go back to the 10/11yo boy who sat in front of the doctor on so many occasions, being diagnosed with everything except what was happening then how frightening was that.

The difference then was, he could not even speak of what happened, but my parents knew, so how did they not have a way of fixing him!

Kurt, it startled me to think that abuse was more significant than military stuff.
Is it not because you were a child, unable to fight back!

The trauma I faced as a child was so significant, it taught me to fight adults who could not understand him, he did not want to do it, and each adult he fought never thought bad about him doing it, he taught them to think how they can hurt kids.

I stood up to a teacher in class after he swiped me sideways on my head, nobody would take this teacher on, but he snapped stood up and wiped the floor with him. I was a hero to all the kids.

The same teacher took me to one side after school, and thinking I am going to be whacked 'again',NO, he listened and thanked me for standing up for myself.

The hour I spent with him in his study taught us both a valuable lesson in life, that it is right to stand up and voice concern.

He could have just whacked me, like he used to do, but no, he listened, and it changed both him and myself.

ste
 
Ste,

Your post - as so many times bro - gets me to thinking of so many important things.

I remember dreading going to the doctor, though I went a lot due to my asthma and the primitive state of knowledge on asthma at that time - I was at the doc's three times a week sometimes.

But still I was terrified each time, and the reason was I was afraid he would figure me out. He would see something about me and know what was happening. And hands on my face...? Oh my God.

Much love,
Larry
 
Okie Mike,

PTSD and me.
Four years, three months ago, the memories of what happened to me began to surface. At first, it was only quick 'glimpses', accompanied by severe emotional/physical reactions. It became worse and worse, to the point where I sincerely thought I was loosing my mind, unable to cope with it all.
After six months, I became so distraught that I allowed myself to be committed to the hospital.
I subsequently lost my 9 year job, 16 year career. My medical benefits were terminated, and I was cut loose, unemployed and uninsured, to try and pick-up the pieces of my life, or what remained of it.
PTSD CONFIRMED the danger that I felt in Life. It branded the pain and misery of what happened, into my Heart and Soul. It is one thing to 'Know' that bad things happened to people. It is quite another to be forced to acknowledge that such things happened to yourself.
I am hypervigilant. I cannot stand to be touched, and take great pains to avoid any sort of 'crowd', where people are in close proximity to me. I have completely withdrawn from society, and no longer enjoy any of the 'Outside' activities that I once practiced.
I haven't slept in 4 years, three months, w/o horrible anxiety prior to sleep, then obscene nightmares once I finally slept.

I have no answers to your torment. I wish I could share something that would help you with your own demons.

For me, the final straw was cast when my PDoc said to me, "Maybe you are IMAGINING not sleeping?"

I am sick and tired of JUSTIFYING my feelings/reactions, for what happened to me.

I don't know what I hoped to accomplish by sharing this with you (all).

Just another person's misery in trying to cope with the real, horrible, violent world...

Whicker
 
Painful patterns, like PTSD, are all symptoms of painful memories stuck in our energy system, along with its emotional energy, be it pain, fear or anger. They make us, act out when we are triggered, or as a regular release mechanism that a body acquires over the years, when it is unable to release the excess stored energy, consciously.

Now that we know better, we can do better; by assisting our body in empty itself thru conscious release of this pent up emotional energy stuck within our physical body as well our mental body. We can take up meditative practices that help us deal with our past and heal are mental make up and emotional response patterns.

And as Larry said, the best way is to not energize PTSD and other fear laden patterns, by focusing on them too much. Rather we should focus your energies on healing our self, as our past becomes clearer and clearer of its past emotional baggage we are able to act in a way that is rooted in our present, and not a memory of the past. That way, we can live creatively, by living acutely tuned to our own inner intelligence that then guides our each and every choice. It is like living out our dreams in the present, and creating a future with that passion.
 
Whicker got it right here,

"I am sick and tired of JUSTIFYING my feelings/reactions, for what happened to me".

Yes, I walk around so laid back in life, my doc says thing are OK, I tell her that I dont sleep or eat, I tell her that I misjudge speed of traffic, and it is like normal to her.

PTSD, is about two things, one emotional, two body stress, the strssors need to be released.

I had to find release for some of these stressors as my body could not take much more so I did my own work through meditation and relaxation techniques.

This is an issue to ponder.
Unlike other people I become more vulnerable in society, why?

If I was involved in another traumatic instance, I would not respond normally to it, my body would deny it because it cannot respond to further trauma.

This means that I would not react to danger, but that is a learned experience from childhood, I would meet the danger head on, without regard to my own safety.

I hope I am making sense here, but I dont seem to make sense to docs etc., maybe they need teaching, I think so, what do you think???

ste

BTW the TV is on in the background showing commercials saying "have you had an accident claim this" Whoa that makes me weep!
 
Just picking up on something that Whicker very rightly stresses:

For me, the final straw was cast when my PDoc said to me, "Maybe you are IMAGINING not sleeping?"
Click to expand...
Excuse me, but how exactly does one "imagine" that one is not sleeping Doc? Dream about it?

This would piss me off no end Whicker. I have been so lucky with doctors, Ts and so on: no one has said anything to invalidate my feelings or ask me to turn everything I think on its head. I have been gently LED to see things in a different way - and that has been good of course. I can feel that I have reached this conclusion myself and not had it rammed down my throat.

I don't thing any of us need to justify our feelings. They belong to us and sure, we have to deal with them and ask some of the "Why" questions concerning them. That's the only way to move forward.

But there's a thin line between that and discovering you are being judged. I have made a lot of progress in the last year, and I know that would not have been possible without help that guided me rather than judging me. I did enough of that myself, and for years.

Much love,
Larry
 
Link to excellent PTSD resource

https://www.ncptsd.va.gov/

Dave
 
I dreamt that I was up at 3.30am after going to bed at midnight.
This was the same dream I had all last week, excepthing Sunday when I dreamt that I slept in till 10 am. :eek:

My doc takes no notice when I tell her all these things. Heres another box of pills to take.
After "self" diagnosis she is now getting me referred!

Maybe my whole life is a dream, one person in the World has validated my experiences,

ste
 
I have trouble figuring out what was caused by the abuse and what is just me. Since I was abused at such an early age, it's difficult to tell. I also don't know how PTSD affects me exactly, although I have been diagnosed as having it, and am being treated for it. One thing that I find very interesting is that I have only been diagnosed as bi-polar for five years, and I am an old guy. I asked my t why I would be bi-polar now if I wasn't all of those years. She said that sometimes, if you're predisposed to being bi-polar a traumatic life experience could push you over the edge (my words, not hers). The PTSD happened as a result of my recovering my memories and having flashbacks, so I guess that would be the trauma that she was talking about. Other than that, I am absolutely frozen in a crowd of new people. There is no way I can start a conversation. If I try, I say really stupid stuff, so I don't try any more. If someone talks to me, I'm fine and can carry on a conversation as though nothing had ever been wrong, but I simply cannot make the first move. I have never understood that. If it's a situation that I have set up, or if I'm the host or in charge, etc.,I'm okay, but just a room full of people and I'm alone? Forget it.

Bobby
 
Mike,

Just within the last 4 - 5 months I have been told that I suffer from PTSD. I was seeing two therapists (I would later choose one to be my long term therapist) and both told me that I was showing symptoms of PTSD. It seems a rather informal diagnosis, the knowledge of my CSA combined with the symptoms I experienced, but it felt appropriate.

Right now my therapist and I are working on my social anxiety. I feel extremely uncomfortable around strangers and large crowds. There are two reasons for this. First, because of the physical/emotional abuse my parents committed against me, I am afraid to anger people because my instinct tells me they will physically hit me. Second, because of the emotional/sexual abuse commited against me by my perp, I am afraid to anger people out of fear of being humiliated by them.

As a result, I too am a loner. It's so terribly hard for me to say hi to people and not be afraid to embarrass myself or be judged by them. It leaves me feeling isolated and that turns into depression, which triggers flashbacks. To say the least, it sucks, but I am glad I have recognized it and I am working on taking control of it. It's lonely to think I am struggling with this alone, so it comforts me to know that other people are struggling with similar issues and than others have overcome it.
 
Thank all of you for telling me how that you
feel .Because I seem to be liveing the sane night mare . as the rest of you .
I just wish that I could find a way yo function
with out feeling so dam crapy . My wife (#3) says that I am like a hurmit because I prefer to just be left alone .
 
" I feel extremely uncomfortable around strangers and large crowds. There are two reasons for this. First, because of the physical/emotional abuse my parents committed against me, I am afraid to anger people because my instinct tells me they will physically hit me. Second, because of the emotional/sexual abuse commited against me by my perp, I am afraid to anger people out of fear of being humiliated by them." - BISU

Wow, this is so true but never had such a clear insight to it, thanks, I have also realise that each time I hold back from saying my truth, I am withdrawing from my own, for which I have to later make double efforts to get back..
 
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