Mad at God

Mad at God
Y

yungdoc

Registrant
I wish I didn't believe in God. Then I wouldn't feel so betrayed by him. Where was God when I was 6 and my father was sexually abusing me? Was I not innocent enough? Did he take the day off? If so, where was he when I was 12? Hadn't he seen how it had taken a toll on my insides, and I was quickly spiralling into a depression that lasts till this day? Despite this, God has blessed me with a lot of stuff. I have a pretty nice car, a nice degree on my wall, and beautiful women to share time with. But I don't want stuff, I WANT MY PEACE OF MIND BACK!!! And any way I try to rationalize it (the Devil brings evil and God only brings good), I don't care! If God is so damn all-knowing and all-powerful, where was he when I NEEDED him? And I know that I need him now, but I'm too pissed off to actually pray anymore. I cannot physically bring myself to do it. I don't even know why I'm writing this, but God, if you're reading this message board, I'm pissed at you. I don't think you held up your end of the bargain, and I don't know when I'm going to get over it.
 
Yungdoc,
I know how you feel. It seems like God would rush in to protect the innocent. Unfortunately, with original sin came free will and mankind is responsible for mankind. He did hear your prayer, because you are at this site. I still have a lot of bad stuff to work out, but I am regularly going to a website where people truly care about me and offer the most insightful and beautiful advice my soul could ever hear. God doesn't swoop down and change the events of our lives, he is there for us to lean on so we can get through the bad stuff. It is like the story "footprints in the sand". God did not forsake you during those bad times when there were only one set of footprints. The footprints were his as he carried you through the crisis. Place your anger towards the perp. As one person on this site said to me," Your perp worked hard for the blame...let him keep it!"
Good luck and God bless you!
BC
 
i'm with you doc !
 
lol at the quote, it really did make me smile. problem is, it's so hard to be that angry at my father! it's weird callin my dad a perp, i know i shouldn't protect the abuser, but i do. and i beat myself up for it every day. but the older i get, and the more of a man i become, the more i realize how MESSED UP what he did to me was. and I do get flashes of anger, but it's not just anger, it's rage. And I quickly suppress it, because I'm afraid of what I might do if I ever acted on even a little bit of that rage. I was home for the summer and my father (a.k.a perp-man) goes down w/ a heart attack in teh summer heat. who was the first one there w/ the bayer? me. who calls 911 and runs down the street to flag down the ambulance? me. and i beat myself up for that as well. why was I there for my father when he was at his weakest, but when I was at my weakest, he abused me? what an asshole. part of me hopes there's a special circle of hell for him, the other part would hate to see my father suffer like that. I'm so torn up inside, and it depresses me.
 
Why were you there for him? because unlike the monster of a "man" your father is, you are a real man who would rather do what is right inspite of the personal turmoil it causes. That, my friend, is called streghth of character. Watching your father die is not going to bring back your youth or what he took! That is something you will have to work through in others ways, hopefully with a therapist. But what a thing to have over your father. He used his power to take advantage of you where you took your power and used it for good. Maybe it would be therapudic to just whisper in his ear," I choose to help those in need and less fortunate, not abuse them. Are you sure I am your son?" Or at least put an ending like that in your mind. Be proud you are better than him, and embrace the fact that you are a far better person than he could ever dream of!
Good luck
BC
 
My abuse helped lead me to compassion. I was abused by a seminarian who was my Scout leader, but the real lure was the "religious" aspects which I sought for mysef by going to the seminary for Mass etc. I said "no" to being and abuser and "yes" to becoming a priest and serving on a reservation, in Africa and Jamaica, and with street people in Alaska.It's also royally screwed up my life, and I have PSTD.

God gives us freedom, and with that terrible freedom we live--freedom to do tremendous evil (as has been done to us) or to do good. God, to me, is like a parent who teaches thier child how to drive, and then the day come where the parent isn't in the front seat telling the child what to do, but gives the keys to the car to the chilld and hopes they do what is right. They know some kids will drive drunk, others show off speeding, but most will do the right thing. It's the freedom God gives us which allows us to become adults rather than robots blindly following what we're programmed to do, or children always being watched over. It also means there will be Auschwitz, sexual abuse, and so many other evils.

Yungdoc, you did the right thing---rather than return harming the weak for having been harmed as the weak, you did the right thing, the human, compassionate thing. It is what seperates you from the abusers, the power hungry, the vengeful, and narcicists.

We're programmed at birth to be selfish to survive--and we all know we do live in a Darwinian universe where the weak are killed and eaten. But paradoxically we're most human when we choose to go beyond our selfish interests and Darwinian tendancies to be selfless, compassionate and caring. I know you hurt for helping your Dad, but you'd probably feel a whole lot worse had you sat there and done nothing until he died. He too much from you, but didn't take what is best n your,; you desire and willingness to do the right thing, the human and humane thing.It is what seperates you from the abusive.


Halibut
 
When trouble comes, be it from men or satan, and it drives us from God, satan has won. he is going to die an eternal death, and in his anger he wants to take as many with him as he can. if you cannot forgive and heal this anger, satan has won in your life.

You must realize our whole reason for being in the flesh right now is to be tested. God must sort through his children to determine which are steadfast enough to deserve entry into the new heaven age. if you fail your test here, how can he count on you for an eternity? we dont want to have to live through another rebellion and go through all of this all over again, because someone that doesnt love God slips through. How strong are you? will you cling to God no matter what comes? that is what we are here to find out. that is the reason we are in the flesh now.

i hope, because i feel you pain, and i pray that you will find it in your heart to heal. I hope you understand that it isnt God you should be angry with, but those that hurt you. we are all hurt at times in the flesh. it is the nature of the flesh, and it isnt God. it is the world, and the ways of it.
 
We all feel your pain and understand where you come from. Hang in there and keep talking. That is the best thing you can do. Keep challenging God and his teachings to understand life more fully. I TRY..

Dan
 
Yeah, where was he when we all freaked out looking for him to come and wipe our tears and make our misery history.

God gave us all free will, some of the ppl think they can do really bad stuff, then become a "born again" Christian, like nothing really happened.

Sorry, bad ppl, if you have hurt someone so bad, you have to repent for what you did, and none of us should have to repent for things we never did.

I never abused anybody, but I was abused, but I live my life somewhat outside the World we see today. I followed Gods commandments so no little kid is grieving from knowing me.

People who use free will on earth to do the most heinous acts on kids, will fall into the fires of Hell, even if they renounce what they do, because they have used evil on the innocent in life.

Maybe you cannot get back a lot of your childhood, but dont take it out on yourself, and the little guy who fought so hard for what he has got.

How it would change all our lives if we could all be in the same room together, just seeing each other, I am sure a lot of the hurt would diminish.

I remember in chat talking to a younger member here, and he said his foster dad wanted to hug him.

He said, NO way!
So, I said what if it was me, and he said yeah, that would be cool.
I asked why?
And he said, because you are ste.

What a compliment to me who never had kids, to have gained so much trust with this kid, but hey, I hope and pray that I helped him,

ste
 
ste you did a hell of a lot more for him than god ever did. somebody please tell me whats god good for!!? he cant help us in any tangible way ,but he gives us freewill to do great harm ,and who really knows if the perps are gonna pay after they die? if god says ok i made them now i'm just gonna sit back and see what they do ,then god has no control over anything that happens .
 
Shadow,

One point where you and I absolutely agree is in rejecting the idea that the doctrine of free will takes us anywhere with our questions. When you realize you've now been raped too many times to count, you sort of DO get the idea that the abuser can do whatever he wants.

For a kid the question is just "Why isn't God protecting me?" As Shadow stresses on another thread, the theology of free will is meaningless to a child. For me as an adult, free will misses the point because the issue isn't whether or not we are free to make our own decisions, however evil. Clearly we ARE free. The problem is why God would set things up like this in the first place, knowing that the result would be so much harm to the children that religion claims are so special.

The whole free-will argument gets upset by nothing more complex than the point Yungdoc makes - in all of five words:

Was I not innocent enough?
Click to expand...
Much love,
Larry
 
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