Lying
Lying
- Thread starterbuddah
- Start date
I have the feeling esp. when dealing with I am with a woman in a relationship. Most of it stems from my insecurity with myself. It is hard to admit that at times and others it is plain as day. Most often I have learned to either disregard those types of notions, or to truly investigate whether a lie has been told at all. I most often go with the former and have learned to "go with the flow" in that regard.
In fact I have a friend that comes up with such wild stories that I feel he must be lying. I listen but always remain vigilant inside knowing I am quite possibly hearing a lie.
I am sorry. I don't have a straight forward answer to help you out.
In fact I have a friend that comes up with such wild stories that I feel he must be lying. I listen but always remain vigilant inside knowing I am quite possibly hearing a lie.
I am sorry. I don't have a straight forward answer to help you out.
Buddah - It takes me a long time to develop new friendships. I don't work in the same company as most of the people that I socialise with, however there are instances when I will be at social events with their co-workers. I find it very difficult in those situations to fully relax & just enjoy the situation. I still don't believe that people want to know me just for me - my subconsciousness still warns me that anyone being nice to me has an ulterior motive. I'm working on it now - the fact that I know what I'm doing makes it easier to cope with.
It's the same when it comes to believing that anyone really loves me, although I know that they do. I had a relapse over the holiday and at the worst point managed to look at my Christmas cards. I realised that I had many that were rountine compliments of the season, but in among them were those with more personalised comments. Some of those people new of my situation & commented on events to look forward to in 2004, i.e. holidays/ gigs / births. What was strange was that there seemed to encouragement from some of my co-workers who obviously realised that I wasn't myself (but they didn't know why). I believe that these people care and that I should trust them to a reasonable level.
What I need to do is learn to take people at face value again - if they hurt me or betray my trust (without just cause), then they have just lost the best friend they could ever have.
Don't know if this helps you at all Buddah, but I am trying to look at it now as a ratio of number of people that have let me down in my life v number that have not. I only include the people that have been close one way or another & don't include those who would be classed as associates.
It could be that we once made a judgement about someone that was wrong (perp)& we now cannot fully trust our own judgement about anyone else.
Good look ... Rik
It's the same when it comes to believing that anyone really loves me, although I know that they do. I had a relapse over the holiday and at the worst point managed to look at my Christmas cards. I realised that I had many that were rountine compliments of the season, but in among them were those with more personalised comments. Some of those people new of my situation & commented on events to look forward to in 2004, i.e. holidays/ gigs / births. What was strange was that there seemed to encouragement from some of my co-workers who obviously realised that I wasn't myself (but they didn't know why). I believe that these people care and that I should trust them to a reasonable level.
What I need to do is learn to take people at face value again - if they hurt me or betray my trust (without just cause), then they have just lost the best friend they could ever have.
Don't know if this helps you at all Buddah, but I am trying to look at it now as a ratio of number of people that have let me down in my life v number that have not. I only include the people that have been close one way or another & don't include those who would be classed as associates.
It could be that we once made a judgement about someone that was wrong (perp)& we now cannot fully trust our own judgement about anyone else.
Good look ... Rik
Budah, I have a really hard time with lying. I try and let my guard down, but if someone messes up and I catch them in a tiny lie that really isn't important, I never forget it... SO when I'm really needing to trust them, I don't!! This is something that I've known for along time, I guess I just never related it to the abuse till now.
I'm realizing how connected I am to so many other men who've been dealing with similar issues from their past. I guess we all need to let our guard down a little more often.
hope this helps
I'm realizing how connected I am to so many other men who've been dealing with similar issues from their past. I guess we all need to let our guard down a little more often.
hope this helps
Yes, I feel that way often. Once we have been betrayed, it is hard to believe it is true again. And often, we have been betrayed more then once, by more then one person. Sometime we have even been betrayed by other survivors. Yes, it is something, I think, that it is hard to fully believe someone again. I hope that some day we can feel easier to trust, but it is not through our fault that we can't now.
leosha
leosha
I find it to be true for myself, I'm always thinking that people are lying, once our trust is broken it is hard to rebuild, and I think we can never full trust again, until the trust that is broken is rebuilt. I also think it is in a way, a defense mechanism, not letting us close enough to people to be hurt as badly as we have been.
Sadly, I have found myself lying, not for noble reasons, but to protect myself from the truth, to deny what really happened to me. I have hurt people by this lying, and I am truly sorry for that, but I wish people could sometimes understand.
scott
Sadly, I have found myself lying, not for noble reasons, but to protect myself from the truth, to deny what really happened to me. I have hurt people by this lying, and I am truly sorry for that, but I wish people could sometimes understand.
scott