low self esteem

low self esteem
D

darp123

Registrant
My H and I have been married for 17 yrs and we have 2 beautiful daughters. I found out 9 mo. ago that my H had an affair (with a SA survivor) and that he had been SA almost nightly for 7 yrs. by his older brother. He has been going to a therapist for about 7 months now. The flashbacks and nightmares have somewhat subsided and he seems to be doing a little bit better. My question is that he has such low self-esteem and tells me all the time what a loser he is, what a terrible person he is and EVERYTHING he says about himself is negative. I tell him all the time what his good qualities are but he doesnt think he has any. I wanted to see if anyone had some ideas to what I can do to help him feel better about himself.
Thank you,
Darp
 
Darp;

Yeh I do actually have a suggestion. Get him to come here and read and join as a guest. This has been done woth others of us. He has to know he is not alone and that it was never is fault ever for the SA.
 
Mike has all the best ideas ! ;)

The one thing that turned me around more than anything was the reality that I wasn't alone.
Ok, I knew for 'ever' that children were sexually abused, but there was some block in my mind that kept me from making the connection with them and me.

I thought I was a sick freak who joined in willingly, and 'they' were poor souls who'd been abused by dirty old men.

The truth is different, the perps are the sick freaks and we've all been abused.

Tell him you've been here and read some things, sometimes the 'power of suggestion' is a great way to encourage someone to do something.
If you 'tease' him with bits of information that you know will relate to him he might get curious.

But I also have to say that it's unlikely you'll ever push him into doing anything, us survivors seem to only do it when we're ready to it. Unfortunately.

But show him you care, don't pass judgement ( however hard that might be ) and he'll begin to trust you and himself and see he's not a "sick freak"

Dave
 
Thank you for your suggestion that my H come here and read. I have done that but he doesn't feel he can do that right now. He says he gets enough right now from going to Therapy and he has started going to group therapy twice. Maybe he will come here in the future.
Thanks again,
Darp
 
Welcome to you, and to your husband when he is able to come here. It is something I still struggle of also. People tell me anything as compliment, anything at all nice at me, and I am repulsed by it, just horror to think that is what they think, like how can they think I can be good like that? I hope that the therapy helps him, and I hope that he is able to come here in the future. This is good place.

leosha
 
leosha,

My guy too, seems to hate being complimented. He has even become angry with me many times for complimenting him, while at other times he seems to glow at my esteem of him. I never know when it will be "safe" for me to say something nice to him and when it will put him off or anger him. Still, it is my nature to be complimentary when the thought/feeling occurs to me and my compliments are always genuine/heartfelt, so most of the time I just share those positive thoughts with him and leave his response up to him.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top