Love vs the unknown
Hello to all the MS with wives or significant other,
The truth has been out now for a while. My MS states he is not gay. He says he wants help. He says he does not want a divorce. Even though it has been tough to face and endure, I chose to stay and love and encourage him through this process. I do not want to dwell on the past. However, we both have work to do. I don’t want to make any more mistakes between us.
since the internet and his cell were the ways he was acting out, I cut those items out. It is not with the intent to control him. He is a grown man. However,I wanted to feel safe. Also important to note that he agreed to those two items being cut off when “it” was discovered. When I discovered the issue, he claimed he had only been looking at it for a few months. So with time and a little counseling, I gradually added back with content restrictions, etc. He promised me he would let me know if he would open up his account with email. So he didn’t “know” his email pw so he says. I every now and the would check his phone for anything that might suggest contrary to what we agreed upon.
When “it” was discovered he claimed that he did not have an “issue with porn”. I doubted it because it just doesn’t all of a sudden appear.
since I have found this site, I have come to better understand certain aspects of how the sexual trauma manifests itself. Just prior to finding this site a few weeks ago, I discovered that he did have his email on his phone. He claims that he just got it opened up. In looking through his email, I discovered he had been on Craig’s list as far back as 2015. I asked him about it and he said he didn’t “remember “. Anyhow, he continues to state that he is not gay. He accepts responsibility for it. He does want help and reiterated he does not want a divorce and is not gay. He has the option to do in patient to work through his trauma. He is a vet and it is vet related. He said he is concerned about in patient treatment because of the stigma from being admitted into a psych unit. He said it would be all over his medical record, etc. I have explained to him it is not his fault that his male sexual assault happened and the things he has done are acting out. I let him know it is just to help him process his trauma. I asked him if he beat himself up about all of it and he said yes. Then he honestly shared fears.
Honestly, if in fact he is gay, so be it. Let’s just get a divorce. He says no.
The latest discovery today is that I know when he activated his email( it wasn’t recent) and I also saw on his phone that he downloaded a gay chat site back to the date when we bought the phone. He says he has not used it and does not know where it came from. Uh ok??? So some gremlin opened up the App Store and downloaded it?? I don’t think so.
It has taken a lot for me to stay. It is very scary for me. I do love him. I want to trust him. I don’t want to keep reliving the garbage. How can I better help him and help myself? The pain is real.
Any suggestions? I feel like I just want to be alone for a few days.
The truth has been out now for a while. My MS states he is not gay. He says he wants help. He says he does not want a divorce. Even though it has been tough to face and endure, I chose to stay and love and encourage him through this process. I do not want to dwell on the past. However, we both have work to do. I don’t want to make any more mistakes between us.
since the internet and his cell were the ways he was acting out, I cut those items out. It is not with the intent to control him. He is a grown man. However,I wanted to feel safe. Also important to note that he agreed to those two items being cut off when “it” was discovered. When I discovered the issue, he claimed he had only been looking at it for a few months. So with time and a little counseling, I gradually added back with content restrictions, etc. He promised me he would let me know if he would open up his account with email. So he didn’t “know” his email pw so he says. I every now and the would check his phone for anything that might suggest contrary to what we agreed upon.
When “it” was discovered he claimed that he did not have an “issue with porn”. I doubted it because it just doesn’t all of a sudden appear.
since I have found this site, I have come to better understand certain aspects of how the sexual trauma manifests itself. Just prior to finding this site a few weeks ago, I discovered that he did have his email on his phone. He claims that he just got it opened up. In looking through his email, I discovered he had been on Craig’s list as far back as 2015. I asked him about it and he said he didn’t “remember “. Anyhow, he continues to state that he is not gay. He accepts responsibility for it. He does want help and reiterated he does not want a divorce and is not gay. He has the option to do in patient to work through his trauma. He is a vet and it is vet related. He said he is concerned about in patient treatment because of the stigma from being admitted into a psych unit. He said it would be all over his medical record, etc. I have explained to him it is not his fault that his male sexual assault happened and the things he has done are acting out. I let him know it is just to help him process his trauma. I asked him if he beat himself up about all of it and he said yes. Then he honestly shared fears.
Honestly, if in fact he is gay, so be it. Let’s just get a divorce. He says no.
The latest discovery today is that I know when he activated his email( it wasn’t recent) and I also saw on his phone that he downloaded a gay chat site back to the date when we bought the phone. He says he has not used it and does not know where it came from. Uh ok??? So some gremlin opened up the App Store and downloaded it?? I don’t think so.
It has taken a lot for me to stay. It is very scary for me. I do love him. I want to trust him. I don’t want to keep reliving the garbage. How can I better help him and help myself? The pain is real.
Any suggestions? I feel like I just want to be alone for a few days.