Lost my mind. Did I get it back? (TRIGGERS!)

[crisispoint]

Well, this has been a weekend from Hell.

Before anyone can take this the wrong way, I was dealing with a lot of stuff, some, admittedly, from the site, but a lot from elsewhere, and the stress cooked off a lot of anxiety. This in turn set off what can be charitably called a full-blown psychotic episode.

Obviously, I still have a way to go in recovery. But where to begin again? And am I beginning again, or do I keep on going from where I am?

I'm stable right now, but I'm wondering am I insane. Am I just faking a semblance of sanity ot am I truly hanging on to it?

Ah, I'm also dealing with resurging depression. Such fun, eh?

I'll quit complaining and just sign off for now. Thank you for those who helped me and dealt with the truly out-of-it stuff (you know who you are!) and for those who may feel that they were the root cause, again, you weren't, so don't feel badly. It just happened.

Peace and love,

Scot

 

[TeeJayUU]

Scot,

I am sorry your weekend was so rough! I am proud of you for hanging in through it all I personally do not think you are "starting again", but we keep going FORWARD from where we are! Two steps forward and one back, and sometimes two back and one forward. However, when you add and subtract all of those steps, you are heading in the right direction, my friend!

Scot, you just keep working! We are all here for you and will support you!

Take care of yourself, Hang in there!

Peace!

TJ

 

[Lloydy]

Scot
we're allowed to be a bit crazy, hell - we have good reason to be a bit crazy !

But the good news is - the craziness gets better !

Over the last month my wife and I have been going through some family shit that would try the patience of a saint, my course is coming to the end of its term and I've got to catch up, my job has changed dramatically - and I don't like it, and everything seems to be against us.

A few years ago I would have been truly crazy by now, I'd have been in total denial of everything going on around me and leaving it all to others ( my wife ) and I'd have been zoning out with fantasy and acting out, possibly drink and drugs as well.

Now I'm dealing with it, maybe not as well as I'd like, but doing ok.
And the reason is that all the things I learned along the way through healing myself, work for other stuff as well.
I respect myself now. I believe that my judgement and views are fairly sound, and that other people DO respect them - maybe they don't agree, but the respect where I'm coming from. Maybe they always did - who knows ?
But if I didn't recognise myself as being reasonably sorted now, I would still be believing that I was the f******g useless idiot that nobody cared about that I once thought I was.

Scot, you've come a long way and this stuff IS working for you. You don't have to start again because all you've done is slip sideways a bit, you ain't gone back !

Dave

 

Scot,

Well IMHO, if you were circling trees and talking to them or running down the streets yelling "Toto where are you?", I might think you were insane.

My Pdoc told me when I asked him the same thing is that mental illness is not necessarily insanity. And in the case of people like me with the PTSD and other equally wonderful conditions, we are definately not insane.

You know how I've been lately. Feeling insane I realize is just because my emotions are so out of control.

But I haven't really lost touch with the world outside of my own mind, so I guess we can safely say I'm not insane. And nor are you.

Me? I'm just simple nuts right now.

Peace,

Marc