Lost It Someone's Comment Sent Me Over
I was at an event and someone was talking. He was a graduate of Chaminade HS in Long Island, a Catholic school. I had a cousin who went there. He mentioned, and I was not aware of it, the president was forced to step down in 2011 over sexual abuse allegations that were just made public. The guy was an alum and was irate that anyone could accuse someone at Chaminade of doing such a thing, because abuse did not happen there. He called the accuser a liar and said now a second person is coming forward with an allegation 50 years ago. He said it must be a lie. I stood there, seething and others joined in with him saying no one keeps it a secret that long. I could not take it and I asked do you know what your statements of the accuser being a liar does to the accuser? They looked at me like who the hell are you. They said how would you know. I just said I am a survivor and I lived with people in recent years that have said the same thing. I told them I had been to the Diocese and parish and they know of the abuse. I said those that who did not believe and told others stories nearly killed me, it pushed me to the edge. I said you do not know the pain and it is because of how you act that makes many keep it a secret. They feel guilty and ashamed, as though it is there fault. I said what you said could kill a survivor who has kept this painful abuse a secret and I said they have no reason to make it up. It eats at the survivor for a lifetime. A few stares some in disbelief. In a way I am glad I only knew a few of the people and they stood by me.
I realized, but not 100% sure, someone from the old neighborhood where I lived recently during the divorce was there and they looked at me uncomfortably. They just said they did not know and I am not sure what that meant. I know their faces are so familiar but I cannot put a name to them. I wanted to go over to them after everything settled but they seemed to disappear. I felt bad because I did not want those that have told stories to be hurt when others hear the truth.
I do not know why I said anything but I was mad. I later spoke with my friend and she said that I am tired of the lies and hurt people caused me and other survivors. She said she was proud of me for speaking up. I felt like a kid, I felt good. I was also a bit depressed that my outburst would get back to those that hurt me, but then maybe these people are not from the neighborhood. She told me it was my story and others should not lie or distort my story to protect themselves. She is right but I feel bad. She said the couple may not be who I think they are. She is right. She said I still carry a feeling of guilt over the abuse and that is why I care what others think. She said what is important is what I know and what I think.
I am so sick and tired of institutions controlling people. Alum not believing and saying they had to be lying. I read about it this morning and the priest has been stripped of performing priestly duties and the school said the accusations are creditable. I wish I knew that yesterday because that was not said. I am still troubled.
I realized, but not 100% sure, someone from the old neighborhood where I lived recently during the divorce was there and they looked at me uncomfortably. They just said they did not know and I am not sure what that meant. I know their faces are so familiar but I cannot put a name to them. I wanted to go over to them after everything settled but they seemed to disappear. I felt bad because I did not want those that have told stories to be hurt when others hear the truth.
I do not know why I said anything but I was mad. I later spoke with my friend and she said that I am tired of the lies and hurt people caused me and other survivors. She said she was proud of me for speaking up. I felt like a kid, I felt good. I was also a bit depressed that my outburst would get back to those that hurt me, but then maybe these people are not from the neighborhood. She told me it was my story and others should not lie or distort my story to protect themselves. She is right but I feel bad. She said the couple may not be who I think they are. She is right. She said I still carry a feeling of guilt over the abuse and that is why I care what others think. She said what is important is what I know and what I think.
I am so sick and tired of institutions controlling people. Alum not believing and saying they had to be lying. I read about it this morning and the priest has been stripped of performing priestly duties and the school said the accusations are creditable. I wish I knew that yesterday because that was not said. I am still troubled.
