lost and scared

[FlyWM]

I saw my therapist yesterday, he made me say my abusers names, and that scared me. But that is just a part of it.

Last Sunday one of my abusers attacked me, at work no less. I work at a museum, and I sit where I can be seen from the admission area, I saw him, didn't think he saw me, I went back into the back hall to compose myself, no big deal right? Well when I turned around he was there, he shoved me up against the wall grabbed me, you know where, and started saying some vulgar things to me, then he hit me a few times, of course not in the face or anywhere where it would be visible, he hit my in the stomach and groin, and kicked me in the back. I am too scared to go to the police, too scared to even tell my boss and let the security where I work know.

I guess it didn't do too much damage, just scared me, so I feel lost and scared. Maybe I should tell my boss, maybe I should inform the police, maybe I should just forget it, I don't know what to do or think. I wish I had the guts to tell someone, I told my therapist I saw him, but I didn't tell him what he did to me, I guess I was scared he would try to pressure me into going to the police and getting and restraining order, he has talked about it before.

I just don't know what to think or do, I wish I could cry, I wish I could just fall apart for awhile, but I don't have that luxury. I have DID, and I have barely been myself all week, I have lost all week, I have lost the courage I thought I had regained, I have lost myself, I don't even know who I am since it happened.

After it happened, it was the first time I have ever cut myself at work, cutting is a not so good way I have of coping, I have never fallen apart so much to do it at work before, I nearly had to get stitches for a couple of the damn cuts. I haven't been able to eat more than a couple of bites since it happened, I have been in a total daze, I just can't handle this stuff.

On top of all that, I get an e-mail from a friend saying he never trusted me, that he thinks I am a sick psychotic freak, and I don't even know what I did to bring this on, this guy isn't vindictive and doesn't hold grudges, so I don't know what I could possibly have done to bring this on, maybe on of my damn 'others' did something, I can't even trust myself anymore, or trust in who I am.

I don't know what to do or think, I am just so lost and so very scared, what if this sick f*ck comes after me again? I don't know what to do or think, I am just totally lost. What should I do? Should I talk to my boss and let security at work know? I know I can't talk to the police, I don't have the courage to bring up things and tell them anything. I just wish I could craw into a hole and disappear for awhile, but that isn't an option.

I have clenched my jaw so hard I can barely even open my mouth today, maybe I should call and tell my therapist what happened, maybe I should talk to him, maybe I should just take the week to compose myself.

Sorry to rant here, but I had to tell someone, had to get some feedback, had to let it out. I am just so lost and scared. Do you think I should tell my therapist? Do you think I should tell my boss? Do you think I should tell my mom? I don't know who to tell or what to do, any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

May peace find you all.

scott

 

[RICK57]

Scott - do you have Security cameras? You may have some film that could stop this Sick **** once and for all! It's your choice though.

Supporting you whatever happens....Rik

 

[crisispoint]

Scott,

I'm so sorry it happened to you, my friend.

The first thing you need to do is to make yourself safe. If you can, call the police, right now, right this very second, and have assault charges taken on him. The sexual crap doesn't have to be mentioned, but the beating should be. Perhaps this will be enough to put the fear of God back into the @$$hole.

Have yoy reported him before? Does he have a history? If so, take out a restraining order. When properly used, this little piece of paper can be aa big nuisance to these morons, and can get them to leave you alone.

By all means, alert security that this person has assaulted you and needs to be kept out. If you have a cellphone, carry it conspicuously when you leave work and have 911 in your speedialer, if it isn't already.

The other stuff with your "friend" can be dealt with at another time. This, I'm sorry to say, takes precidence, because I'm concerned about your welfare. If this guy is starting to feel "courageous" again, it could be bad.

If you need me, PM me, my friend. I care about you.

Peace and love,

Scot

 

Scott,

I understand your fear here. But you need to report it. You cannot allow him to control you this way anymore.

As for the possibility of the "other" doing something that pissed of your friend, it is possible. But does he know about the DID? Perhaps he thought is was you.

Marc

 

[FlyWM]

When I posted this the other day I fell apart, I couldn't stop crying I was so sick, but after awhile I felt better for telling someone the truth.

I told my mom about it, and she got angry at me for not "kicking him in the nuts," as she put it. It kinda hurt that she didn't understand, and that she asked me "why would he do something like that?" Like I know what was going through that sicko's head, anyway, enough of a rant about it.

This morning I talked to the police, and we are going to be getting a "Personel Protection Order" against this guy, so he can't come near me again. And if he does, he goes directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200 corny I know, but hey, had to do it.

I am in a little bit of a better place after talking to the police, and I'm going to try to call my therapist this afternoon and tell him. Wish me luck, thank you guys who responded, and thank you for the support you gave, and advice.

Take care.

scott

 

[BT]

Scott, good luck and congratulations on taking the step to talk to the police.

Sometimes taking the steps to protect and keep ourselves safe are the hardest ones to take. I still don't understand exactly why, but I do understand it is a big deal, and shows how much courage and fortitude you are developing.

And while I know i shoudn't vent like this I am going to anyway, (sorry), I am personally with your mom on the kick in the balls thing, and even moreso, if the guy doesn't leave you alone, well, I will just say this, if you ever need help let me know.
Brent.