loosing it...

[Raphael]

Someone suggested that I come here when i feel the urge for sex with other men. it is soooo bad. why do i have to feel this way??? why? why? Why something that happened in my childhood has to have such a powerful effect on me NOW??? I am so much older now, I feel I should be able to behave in a way that I feel happy about.

I am in a hotel for the weekend with my wife and children and I fell like I want to suck the dick of every men I see. It's sickening, I feel! I asked someone to help with something in my room and the fanbtasy in my head says "try to suck his dick. jump on him." Why do I have this internal voice that I don't like? Who is it speaking inside my head? Sometimes I feel I will go crazy. there seems not to be a moment of tranquility, as if I am about to do something bad at any moment...

it's too much. sometimes i feel that i can't bear this anymore... sometimes i wish i would just die and not live in a way that makes me feel ashamed of myself.

i hate my brother for having abused me. if he only knew how much i suffer. but i keep it all inside and keep on being the GOOD BOY!! I am such a loser!

 

[dwf]

Hello Raphael,

I am glad you found the courage to come here and write about what is happening to you.

I am sorry for the reason that brought you here, but this is a very good place for people like us, men who were sexually abused, to begin to recover.

My experience is that once I began to let the secret thoughts out into the open with people I could trust, those thoughts immediately began to lose their power.

I hope that this will happen for you too.

Yes, I also had a difficult time believing that what happened to me so many years ago could still affect me so strongly.

But after reading and seeing how sexual abuse had affected so many other men in similar ways, I had to begin to believe.

Strange as it seems, there was also a great deal of relief in that admission also.

You are not alone anymore. Many of us have felt the despair, the sorrow and the pain that you are experiencing.

And many of us have found ways to overcome the damage of the sexual abuse. I feel sure that the same can happen for you.

I hope you will continue to come here and read and write and discover that you truly are not alone in this and that there is hope.

My heart goes out to you. Please be gentle with yourself. You have suffered enough.

Welcome again to MS,

 

[Brayton]

You are not a loser.

You have a very difficult problem to deal with. I believe that it can be dealt with. I've read the stories of men who have survived the extraordinary abuse that you experienced.

Come here for support as often as you need it. You will find it here.

Welcome. I'm glad you've made it here.