looking for support...

[molepa]

Hello everyone.

I'm molepa. I am a 33 yr old mom of 2. I am myself a surv*vor of s*xual ab*se at the hands of my br*ther. But recently, I found out that he was also ab*sed by my oldest s*ster when he was very young. I don't know if he knows about it. I haven't talked to him about it. In fact, only recently, I sent him a letter confronting him regarding his behavior towards me when I was a child. I just really don't know what to do. I'm in so much emotional pa*n right now. I can't bring myself to talk to him, but I'm feeling like I've totally lost him. He's now married, but involved in affa*rs, p*rnography, and innappropiate things on the internet. His wife has confided these things to me, but he thinks I don't know about them. So he thinks everything is fine. I am so worried about him... that he will lose his wife, and everything he has. He's already in debt financially because of his s*xual add*ction.

Does anyone here understand what I'm going thru? Or have any advice?? Should I call him, and tell him about what I know? Should I just let him go?? Should I let my older s*ster tell him herself (if she ever would)? Should I tell him I know what's going on in his personal life.. and that I'm worried? I'm afraid some woman's husband will find out he's having an affa*r with his wife, and come sh**t him. Or, that he might end up back in pr*son for his behavior. I don't want anything b*d to happen to him. I want to see him recover. Right now, he just seems *ngry... I don't even know if he knows that he's been ab*sed when he was young. (other than the physical ab*se from my f*ther and m*ther).

So... I'm asking for help... if anyone has any. Thank you so much for your support.

Yours sincerely,
molepa

 

[Marc]

I'm molepa. I am a 33 yr old mom of 2. I am myself a surv*vor of s*xual ab*se...

Hi Mom! Congratulations on being a mom and also identifying yourself as a survivor! That is no small accomplishment.

I think that you will find many people here who are very understanding.

For my input, yes speak to your brother but not at the expense of your own happiness. If you would speak with him, maybe show him this site. Let him know that he is not alone. It happens to others as well and it is learned behavior that can be unlearned or at least overcome. Men I think have the WORST learned coping mechanisms. We often think that, "Get over it, it happened so long ago." and "This isn't because of the sexual or emotional abuse that I suffered as a child.". Indeed as someone who constantly struggles with this; even after I've recognized what it has done, I still struggle with these sub-concious messages in every waking moment of unannounced re-traumatization. It's me, I control who I am." When in fact it is actually the abuse that controls me. Hell, I often even re-traumatize myself just because it is so damn familiar! I believe that women, by mere virtue of their sex, have much more support through the initial traumatizations. Not every woman, but much more than men. Look at you! You've sought out our site! Would he have?

Keep in mind that acknowledging the abuse is only the start. It is however a start. He needs to see that he doesn't need to remain in the patterns of behavior that he forged for himself. Don't ask him to change himself, instead ask him, "What is going to bring you more happiness?"

Welcome to the site molepa!