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[anne]

Hello,I have beem married for 16 years. We have a family. My husband has only within the last 3 years of our marriage confided the whole truth concerning his abuse as a child.He hinted about it many times ,however had never really addressed it head on. The times I had tried to talk to him he would clam up. As it turns out the abuse covered many years and to make matters worse, when he went to ask for help ;he was not helped as a child, so the abuse continued. The abuse was sexual, mental, Physical.My heart aches whenever I see him in pain.Which is very often lately.He never sleeps well anymore.too many night mares.He has engaged in destrustructive behavior.He is seeing a therapist for help and has since ceased his destructive behavior. We as a couple are taking things very slow and try to deal with things on a one day at a time basis.Sometimes we have good days ,sometimes not.But I feel as long as we try there is always hope.I love this man very much.I am in this for the long haul,he is the father of my children, my best friend,my lover, you name it.
I am looking for any information I can find that will help me be the best support I can be for him.This is hard work.But taht is what real love is...work. If there are any wives out there that have walked this path before and have some practical advise or ideas,I would greatly appreciate that.Thank you for giving me this opportunity to find more help.This is one of the few forum places I have found for loved ones and family member of male survivors.

 

[Mark C]

AMS, I am a male survivor of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I too am married and have worked on my own recovery from this abuse. I can tell you it will be a difficult road ahead but healing is possible! I spent more than three years in therapy and although I am doing much, much better today, I am still working on issues regarding my relationship with my wife but this too has improved and I know the worst is behind us.

I would like to recommend some books for you and him....there are many great books on these issues which can be found on this website listed on the NOMSV bookstore...you can purchase them on-line if you wish or you will find them at any of the larger bookstores near you. If you go to the top of the page and click on directory, then click on bookstore you will see just some of the many books available on these issues. The following books I have read and found very helpful.

for YOU:

"Allies in Healing; When the Person You Love was Abused as a Child, Support Book" written by Laura Davis

For HIM (you can read this too, it might help explain how he has been acting/reacting...coping/not coping)

"Abused Boys; the Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse" by Mic Hunter

and "Victims No Longer" by Mike Lew

All three of these authors are also presenting workshops at the upcoming NOMSV conference titled "Healing the Sexual Victimization of Boys and Men" It is to be held in late October in New York City....click on conferences above...then click on 2001 Conference for more info...you can pull workshop discriptions on more than 80 different classes(click on conference program) which will be offered at this international conference. My wife and I attended the last NOMSV conference in Vancouver and it was great. We attended a workshop for partners...it was tremondous! It really helped us out.

On Saturday AM October 27th, Workshop # C10 is for partners only "For Survivors Partners; An Experiential Workshop".

On Sunday, October 28th workshop EF12...this is a 3 hour workshop and the one to which I was refering above...this workshop is for couples only..it is given by a Randy Fitzgerald Marinez.

People come from all over the world to attend this conference...I know it is not a very easy thing to plan...but I thought you should know...just in case you are able to attend. I hope this helps.