looking for connections that r not there

looking for connections that r not there
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
looking for connections that r not there

the abuse has made me constantly look for connections that are not there - going back again and again to the same people searching in vain for some glimmer of recognition in a way that i wish i had - a way that i wish i were loved - or like or wish in a way i could connect -
whether romantically - emotionally - intellectually -

and yet it seems that the physical - is the only

"evidence" of this - yet i am afraid to act out in this way - although i have a number of times to disastrous results - (my heart is torn out)

yet even then - it is not love - it is just feeling good??? or numbed??

someday i hope to connect with a special someone
but now - i just got my friends -

and that's good enough for me!!!!:-)


hi guys ! have a good weekend :-)
 
Mark,

I think that we're all looking for that connection. For me, it was a physical thing and an emotional thing. But the physical thing ended horribly and emotional ties aren't too easy to give, as I've gotten my teeth kicked in on that, metaphorically speaking.

It doesn't mean I'm stopping the looking though... :)

I just have to find people that are healthy.

Peace and love, Mark,

Scot :D
 
scot - yes - it is a physical and emotional thing with me too -

i am looking for healthy people - i have to be healthy as well to find that -

i am trying to somehow be balanced - and middle
calm center to have that and these realisations

somehow i hope will help me be realistic about what to expect about my romantic relationships as well

be healthy in them - i so want them but somehow
i end up defenseless in them -

the old tapes play that i am not a member of the

but a submissive servant in them - not really deserving of something better -

i am trying for that - but i am so afraid of alienation -

and yet a really developed in terms of being and emotional being -

it is just so frustrating -

peace and love to you scot and thanks for your response -

it helps -

mark
 
Mark,

Part of the whole "abuse" thing, which frustrates me to no end, is that it affects how and why we respond to people. Not that I want to get into the "sex" thing, but in purely physical relationships, I tend to be the passive one as well. It was drilled into me VERY early that I was to please. Not the other way round.

The responses you talk about are familar to me. And, unfortunately for guys like us, it will take TIME to undo them. Not that being responsive is a bad thing, but subliminating our needs and wants to other people at our expense is. You are worth so much more than that, Mark.

You know, we've communicated for a while now, and I think I see a lot of myself in you. The effort is hard, very hard, but teaching yourself to be good to you as well as others is worth it. I haven't reached there yet, but I'm trying.

You will, too, Mark. And when you do, and you find that right person, the one you can share with, trust completely, andall that, it will be wonderful.

I think it will happen.

Peace and love, my brother. I'm always here for you.

Scot
 
Hey Commander,

Connections. Ah, the good ones are such a wonderful thing. The bad ones, well, I think we all know a thing or two about them. A connection, a real connection, is something that we desire and deserve. At the same time has been something that, I at least, have pushed away from. The bad ones were easier and more familiar, thus the ones I tended to have.

The emotional connections are so much more rewarding than the physical ones. But, that need is also present. I'm looking for the emotional connections, the physical ones will follow when it is right. I have learned what I want and really need. I won't settle for less. I have set my boundaries and sticking by them.

i just got my friends -

and that's good enough for me!!!!:-)
Click to expand...
Just? They are more just, they are your friends. Friends are worth their weight in gold and more. Surround yourself with as many good friends as you can.

Have a nice weekend,
Bill

P.S.: I am having a good weekend and I am enjoying it.
 
Hi,
Connections? I have been scared to death of connections. I have avoided connecting to others, for I thought all people would eventually hurt me. I am moving on from that thought methodology.
I am currently trying reaching out to a very dpecial friend of mine. I have discovered I have no idea of how to do it. I am fumbling, and I am always in fear of screwing it up and losing her from my life. But, at least I am attempting to find someone to fill the empty space in my heart.
Casey
 
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