Looking for advice
fusionoflove
Registrant
Well brothers, I've got a question for you. My recovery is going well, really well, but there's something that's been nagging me of late, my last relationship.
I'm 25 and am still in love with my last girlfriend. I pushed her away because of my sa. I didn't realize it at the time, but I realize it now. I told her that I thought sex was meaningless and that I didn't believe in love. I guess I was crying out. What I wanted to say was that sex was made meaningless by my perpertrator, but that sex with her was whole and complete. As far as the love, I felt that I could love her, but that she couldn't love me. That I was unlovable.
She eventually broke up with me. The biggest reason is that she needed to finish college. She did ask me to move with her, but I declined. Of course, when she did break up with me she stated the reasons above for our split, plus my heavy drinking and use of drugs.
Through all that I've been going through, she's stuck by me. She doesn't know the reason for my therapy, but she knows that I'm going. We exchange about 2 emails a month. She's mentioned that she has a new boyfriend, but only mentioned it briefly. I think that she does really care about me and still loves me. Why else would she still stay in touch?
I guess my question is, do you think that I should tell her about my sa? My biggest reason for not telling her is that I think she'll have one more reason to not want to get back with me or even stay as a close friend of mine. I think she's playing the field right now, seeing what's out there as far as other guys go. I don't want to jeopardize any potential future, but there's a part of me that wants to secure it. God, I love her so much. Sexually, emotionally, intellectually. What do I do?
Any of your insights would be helpful.
Take it easy.
Fusion.
By the way, she lives 2,000 miles away. So I can't just go around the block to talk to her. More importantly, I can say that I love her without any hesitation. My sa can never touch that. My sa may have screwed with my head, but it can never touch my true feelings and emotions for her.
I'm 25 and am still in love with my last girlfriend. I pushed her away because of my sa. I didn't realize it at the time, but I realize it now. I told her that I thought sex was meaningless and that I didn't believe in love. I guess I was crying out. What I wanted to say was that sex was made meaningless by my perpertrator, but that sex with her was whole and complete. As far as the love, I felt that I could love her, but that she couldn't love me. That I was unlovable.
She eventually broke up with me. The biggest reason is that she needed to finish college. She did ask me to move with her, but I declined. Of course, when she did break up with me she stated the reasons above for our split, plus my heavy drinking and use of drugs.
Through all that I've been going through, she's stuck by me. She doesn't know the reason for my therapy, but she knows that I'm going. We exchange about 2 emails a month. She's mentioned that she has a new boyfriend, but only mentioned it briefly. I think that she does really care about me and still loves me. Why else would she still stay in touch?
I guess my question is, do you think that I should tell her about my sa? My biggest reason for not telling her is that I think she'll have one more reason to not want to get back with me or even stay as a close friend of mine. I think she's playing the field right now, seeing what's out there as far as other guys go. I don't want to jeopardize any potential future, but there's a part of me that wants to secure it. God, I love her so much. Sexually, emotionally, intellectually. What do I do?
Any of your insights would be helpful.
Take it easy.
Fusion.
By the way, she lives 2,000 miles away. So I can't just go around the block to talk to her. More importantly, I can say that I love her without any hesitation. My sa can never touch that. My sa may have screwed with my head, but it can never touch my true feelings and emotions for her.