long vent about not fighting his battle
*******this post contains TRIGGERS***********
about religion and idiots.
My boyfriend has to work most Sunday afternoons, so he usually goes to church without the kids, and then right to work. He joined there not long ago (mostly to get out of the same church as his parents) so only a few folks really know him or our family there.
A few weeks ago someone else in our family went with him to church and took the kids. He walked in with the kids and then kissed them goodbye because he was going up front to sing, and they were going to sit with everyone else. NOSEY BITCH IN THE CHOIR came up to him and said, "Who are those girls, and what are you doing with them? Are you a pedophile or something?"
My sweet good-natured peaceful reverent boyfriend just said, "Excuse me, no, those are my children." And she said, "No, really, whose kids are they?" And he said, "They're my children" and didn't say anything more, and has just sort of avoided her since. He didn't mention this to the choir director or anyone else there, because "it's church and I don't want to make a big deal."
HELLO, said I. It's CHURCH, that's why you should make a big deal. These are the people who can't find the REAL pedophiles, this is supposed to be YOUR faith community and place of peace, you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable there, especially in the choir where you give so much of your time.
Did I mention I am the more volatile one?
So next I said, "Can I meet her?" He said No, he doesn't want to bring it to church, if we run into her in town he'll point her out.
I am going to drop it. It's not my church, it's not my fight. I just wish I had the chance to put this woman in her place. When I was in college, so many of my guy friends were afraid to be around my kids or work with kids-- women in my neighborhood always want to know why my OWN BROTHER takes care of my kids! Then you have a bunch of second grade teachers wondering why they don't get many fathers volunteering to go on trips or be class parents. Why don't we let our young men be uncles and godfathers and big brothers without treating them like deviants, and then see if they have an easier time being dads? Why don't we respect loving, involved fatherhood where it exists?
In general I have a deep respect for my boyfriend's ability to choose his battles and keep other people's negative nonsense at a distance. In this case I do too. But I also get frustrated with this at times-- because I know that this is the sort of negative nonsense that he's NOT really keeping at a distance and there is no father in the world who wouldn't want to blast some prying idiot for calling him a pedophile--survivor or not. And since I don't really think we'll run into her in town I'm just going to have to be frustrated.
about religion and idiots.
My boyfriend has to work most Sunday afternoons, so he usually goes to church without the kids, and then right to work. He joined there not long ago (mostly to get out of the same church as his parents) so only a few folks really know him or our family there.
A few weeks ago someone else in our family went with him to church and took the kids. He walked in with the kids and then kissed them goodbye because he was going up front to sing, and they were going to sit with everyone else. NOSEY BITCH IN THE CHOIR came up to him and said, "Who are those girls, and what are you doing with them? Are you a pedophile or something?"
My sweet good-natured peaceful reverent boyfriend just said, "Excuse me, no, those are my children." And she said, "No, really, whose kids are they?" And he said, "They're my children" and didn't say anything more, and has just sort of avoided her since. He didn't mention this to the choir director or anyone else there, because "it's church and I don't want to make a big deal."HELLO, said I. It's CHURCH, that's why you should make a big deal. These are the people who can't find the REAL pedophiles, this is supposed to be YOUR faith community and place of peace, you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable there, especially in the choir where you give so much of your time.
Did I mention I am the more volatile one?
So next I said, "Can I meet her?" He said No, he doesn't want to bring it to church, if we run into her in town he'll point her out.I am going to drop it. It's not my church, it's not my fight. I just wish I had the chance to put this woman in her place. When I was in college, so many of my guy friends were afraid to be around my kids or work with kids-- women in my neighborhood always want to know why my OWN BROTHER takes care of my kids! Then you have a bunch of second grade teachers wondering why they don't get many fathers volunteering to go on trips or be class parents. Why don't we let our young men be uncles and godfathers and big brothers without treating them like deviants, and then see if they have an easier time being dads?
Why don't we respect loving, involved fatherhood where it exists?In general I have a deep respect for my boyfriend's ability to choose his battles and keep other people's negative nonsense at a distance. In this case I do too. But I also get frustrated with this at times-- because I know that this is the sort of negative nonsense that he's NOT really keeping at a distance and there is no father in the world who wouldn't want to blast some prying idiot for calling him a pedophile--survivor or not. And since I don't really think we'll run into her in town I'm just going to have to be frustrated.
), but because I don't think it makes sense for me to put a lot of energy into this anymore. This woman only has as much power over me as I give her, and I've used too many words already.