lonely, tired, and disappointed...

Solace2k

Registrant
Hi

At the moment i have no where else to go with this. I feel so disappointed in my friend, who i was hoping to have as a "support" or "ally".

We had a "conversation" about things, today....i've been actively changing the way i approach people, and i think he likes where i'm going and wants to get there too....however, lately, when i talk to him, about anything, (even something really trivial) he becomes totally triggered....and i become a target. His aggression and hostility were so strong towards me , that i litterally had to stand a fair distance away. He's words are sharp as spears, and though i was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, in some cases for a while....the trust i am building with in myself, told me this was unwarranted abuse, and for the first time in my 17 year relationship with this guy, i felt rage....i felt anger build in my body, i noticed i was pacing quite a bit....finally doing the wise thing and just leaving...all within the span of a few minutes. I tried to speak it....but decided the verbal sparring that would ensue wasn't worth it.

I've been thinking about that interaction for most of the day......there is no "potential" loss.....it's a definte loss. He's been a great friend and probably will be to a certain extent....i can't really say that about men, because most of the abuse i've suffered at the hands of males has been very violent, so i have a harder time opening up to them....though lately some of the male medical professionals, and survivors i've encountered lately have deeply surprised me, with their kindness, tenderness, and compassion.

Tony
 
hi tony, good move walking away stuff said in the heat of the moment can make a bad situation worse its best to let things cool off then calmly ask him whats going on perhaps he has had something happen to him recently that has him acting out of sorts, try not to blow up 17 years worth of friendship rashly its worth a convo to see whats going on. bb
 

manipulated

Moderator
Staff member
It may be he is dealing or even remembering things in his past that were buried very deep and your progress and discussions are dredging that up. Do you have a therapist? Have you discussed it with them? it is impossible for us to tell you what is going on- another thought is as victims we often become people pleasers - often to the point where we stay in very unhealthy relationships with other wounded persons .

Whatever it is as BB says it is worth at least an attempt to find out before you walk on the closest make friend you have after all those years.
 
most of the abuse i've suffered at the hands of males has been very violent
Hello Tony,
I can identify with this because my experiences matches it very closely. As far as your friend is concerned it is impossible to know what they may have going on upstairs. I mean it is not like an X-Men comic book where there are people running around that can look inside someone’s mind and see what they are thinking. The world would be much simpler if that were the case but unfortunately there is a stark difference between reality and fiction.

Take it from someone that does not have but one, friends are very valuable and under the right conditions one of the best things in life. What was offered to you as advice is worth considering; trying to talk to them when they are calm to find out what is wrong is certainly worth the effort. I mean you don’t want someone to be your friend for so long to just evaporate away. Especially If there is a way to avoid that. You ultimately must decide what to do regarding this because you are the one living it. It is my hope that you and your friend can find a resolution to this because everyone here needs all the friends they can get. Good luck to you and I hope this situation works itself out to you for the best.

With Deep Respect,

Jrperky010101
 
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Solace2k

Registrant
HI,
I guess i sort of insinuated i was ending the friendship. I'm not. My frustration got the better of me.... Initially , he looked like someone i could trust on a deeper level....alas, i discovered, although he is not a survivor of sexual abuse, he still has many triggers of past events that trouble him...and he has begun to talk about them, and explain some of his actions/words.... However, as someone who has suffered abuse of many types including emotional.....it just isn't "ok" anymore to treat me like that. That's where my loss comes in..... I do really appreciate the feedback. So i just wanted to be clear that i'm not throwing the friendship away....rather i am coming to terms with it's limitations in the present, understanding he may "grow" with me into the future...or he may not....

I am in the midst of pulling together support....but that support will dry up for the month of Aug, as EVERYONE involved seems to be taking a "holiday" or "break". And the whole event with my friend has opened up this huge box of rage....

Anyways, i just wanted to clarify....to thank all of you for taking the time to write. My heart dictates faster than i can type...

Tony
 
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