Loneliness!

Stefan Romir

Registrant
Once more, I'm stuck in what is guaranteed to be a rest-of-life experience...that of loneliness! For very strong reasons...I can't leave my home, can't have anybody come into my home and I live alone. That makes for an often terrible period of loneliness, just as I feel it, now. Friends just pretend to be friends and, unless they need help from me, I never hear from them. Family are the same, frankly. Nobody ever picks up a phone and asks me how I am. I do it for them, even when they've been through quite small things, themselves. What happened to friendship and friends? The overnight silence is pretty awful, also. I'm just pouring out my heart, here. Every night, I desperately want to put my head on that pillow, over there, and just escape from this wretched state of mind. I have several mental health disorders, including clinical depression. Obviously, that makes things worse.

I'll stop, there. If you've read the above, thanks, for that.
 

Photoman

Registrant
I can relate to everything you said above. And when you say 'rest of life experience' of loneliness it even hits me even more. Not only do I have no friends, my family all live out of my state and rarely bother to pick up the phone and call. I'm sure they are busy with their lives but in my situation, I lost my wife a year ago and now I feel what you describe as rest of life loneliness. I even joined a Church thinking that would help fill some of the gap of not having friends but even there, I feel so alone. No one ever asks how I'm doing, if I'm okay. I lost a daughter 3 years ago and the other two boys are out doing their own thing so a call from them is rare, never a visit. Now I sit in this empty house all alone and the nights last for what seem to be forever.
So Stefan, yes, I understand you and how you feel. I wish you happiness in some way. At least we have these folks here to talk to even though it's not as good as face to face relationships and friendships. I'm glad I've got more behind me than ahead because living like this sucks. Stay strong my friend and I'll try to do the same.
 
@Stefan Romir @Photoman While my heart breaks hearing your stories, I can relate because I had a somewhat similar period in the wilderness like that for my 30’s. I honestly cannot say how I was able to get out of it.

You may not see it, but you guys are so strong and resilient and brave. I am sending much love, good vibes and respect your way and wish you peace this day, and every day. Stay safe and strong my brothers..
 

Stefan Romir

Registrant
Photoman & Charley.

Thanks, for your responses, guys. I sometimes wonder whether or not there is some Divine plan, in all of this loneliness - it could be the preparation for something great (yeah, right), or the isolation punishment for doing something bad in a previous life...who can say? Every move towards improvement of my situation seems to have this suspicious "thing" that means I can't utilise that move towards it; that's the angering part. I seem to be a solid block of obstructive phobias, aversions and preferences that, taken together, mean that I cannot get out of my current situation. They can't all be that much of a blockage! There must be a weak spot, in them, or between them.

Thanks, again, guys.
 

EnTr

Registrant
I sometimes wonder whether or not there is some Divine plan, in all of this loneliness -
I must say, I am a loner since my whole life but I feel quite comfortable with this. Except co-workers, I tend to live my free time alone.
If you wonder why there's something forcing you to loneliness, and you search "up in the sky", I will try to tell you what I discovered in my studies, despite this will possibly disappoint the firm religious believers.
Most of us know the dailiy horoscope on newspapers "Libra will have a good weekend" is totally bullshit, as it pretends 1 out of 12 people in the whole world (as we have 12 zodiac signs) will have a nice weekend. Simply not possible.
I studied Astrology in books and observed the life of famous people, and I understood, all planets, signs and houses have influence on a person, his behaviour, his attitude, his life.
Many people do not believe that, including me years ago. When I acknowledged that Moon = woman in Astrology, and the Moon revolution cycle around the Earth i more or less 29 days = the ideal menstrual cycle of women is 29 days, I started questioning this "science".

I am a loner because of some planetary placements.
This may be the case for you too.

I am not an Astologer, nor do I make readings or so. I simply understood that some of my charachteristics are due to my birth chart.
You can simply look for an online website making a reading of your birth date, location and time. Not all will be correct but you can get an idea of this.
I also encourage you NOT to disclose your birth chart / date and time on here and anywhere, as it may reveal your weaknesses and stenghts. So people could harm you more easily. Do not send your data to anyone including me, etc.

I learned Astrology way before knowing consciously about my abuses.
I did find some placements that may recall sexual abuse, involving the planets Pluto and Saturn. However, I still have to figure out this and I will make it part of my healing process... hopefully.

What I mean here is : some people are loners by nature. I changed my mindset and understood I am OK if I am alone, so I do not run after constant social life only because "I am expected to do this". I study books, research... do useful things when I am alone. Better use of my time.
I am OK with forums, internet, as they are a source of social contact but you are still "alone" in your physical area, and you can avoid the net for days if you feel you need to stay quiet.

Last thing, Saturn transits over personal planets may bring depression (or worsen it, if you already are depressed). It is now transiting Aquarius, maybe it's a source of bad mood for you.
 
Family are the same, frankly. Nobody ever picks up a phone and asks me how I am. I do it for them,
This is a tough one for me and true in pretty much all the cases with my friends. I have to indicate the call i never have them especially family just call to chat and catch up, other than my mother and that is a different issue for me.

I am in a relationship however not have that outside contact with family and friends is difficult so i understand how you feel loneliness and it does suck. I am someone who also gets in to my “dark” place where i just want get very down, don‘t want to leave the house, dont want ot go do things and just want to lay on the couch or in bed all day.

However i also do enjoy times of being alone so i can just focus on me and what i want to do. Maybe you are similar in that you have depression as i also have and have had for pretty much all my life so that can make things worse. Then there is also the part of me that wants my alone time and it is not caused or worsened by depression it just time for me to i guess have inner peace. During these times i do enjoy doing things like reading a book, playing a video game or just being outside. Maybe there is something around you that you could get involved in to get out the house and possibly meet others. I know this is a lot easier to say than do believe me i had to push myself to do these things. Something i recently found was a campground not to far away where i will go on the weekends at times just to get out and i have meet others there. The nice things if i want to be around others there it is easy to do and if i just want to be alone that is also easy to do but i am out in nature.

Just know it not just you who have these struggles and feelings and there you can also find support here. This has also been a place where i have made some new friends even a couple that chat with several times a week and it is always CSA related it also about everyday things like happenings and hobbies and life.
 

Honeeecombs

Registrant
Hey Stefan,

I can relate to this on so many levels. Some days I feel trapped in my apartment because of the depression and control of the people who have controlled my life for so long.

It started with little things after I got out of college. My dad going through my trash, telling myself that I shouldn't be sleeping during the day while I was working night shift, and then calling myself whenever I had a friend over to my apartment.

Slowly but surely I ended up losing alot of my independence from when I was in college and became the scared little boy that hated going to his babysitters.

The body keeps the score in that sense. It will protect you when you are in an enviornment where you feel you are surrounding by abuse/abusers - but in the same sense the results may not be what you want. The fight or flight method - which many of us with PTSD from our childhood go into flight - can cause us to become docile and feel like we can't go anywhere.

Stefan, you are doing the right steps by coming here and speaking up about what is going on in your life. I wish I had done the same sooner. I think alot of what helped myself was having to go through physical ailments that caused mental ailments due to emotional and bodily triggers. Over the past two years; it's been a long difficult journey - but I am finally choosing myself over my abuse and abusers.

When you can do that; you will finally break free.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs
 
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