Locker-room Sex

Locker-room Sex
S

Sean Simms

Registrant
Over the past few months I've been bothered by this old man at the local gym who is quite a pain in the ass. He's very immature and I've always felt that he was some kind of pervert just waiting to offend.

A couple of months ago he finally asked me if I wanted to jackoff in the sauna with him. I told him no and not to bring it up again but I was to afraid to contact security. I feel it was my fault for even engaging him in a conversation when my intution told me not to.

Ever since I've avoided the sauna. Yesterday, I said enough is a enough. I can't let this creep prevent me from enjoying my life. I went to security and they said they'd kick him out. I feel guilty, though. When I left I wanted to go back and apologize to him. He's been there for twenty years and it's a second home to him. Although he doesn't go there to work out, he just hangs out in the locker room and watches people strip. He seems like a harmless guy so I guess that's why he gets away with it.

Luckily, I didn't talk to him and felt relieved after leaving the gym. Has anyone run into similar problems? I need all the support I can get so I can avoid this guy if I ever see him again. I don't like feeling sorry for a creep.

Thanks,
Sean
 
Hi Sean

You have been sexually harassed, and reporting him was just the right thing to do. If he had stolen your wallet you would have reported him without feeling guilty, same goes for sexual harassment. This guy was stealing your space, breaking your boundaries. You have every right to talk to anyone in the gym and in return they have no rights to make sexual demands.

I understand that you should feel guilty, one of the perps that abused me was caught and I was asked if I wanted to press charges (I was 13 at the time), I said yes and he was put into custody. I have been living with the guilt of getting that man arrested until I came to recovery and talked about it. Today I know I did the right thing, so did you.

Just think for a second that what happened to you happened instead to a close friend of yours, would you condemn your friend for reporting the guy or would you be on your friend's side? Your inner child is your friend, stay on his side.

Your intuition told you not to respond to him but you did, I hate myself when I do that, and then I remind myself that my defenses are sometimes strong, sometimes weak and I know why. At least you had an intuition, so something is working within you, that's a good sign.

Take care and well done
Heart
 
Sean,

I don't go to a gym, so I don't have the same kind of experience. But I am glad that you were able to go to security. You protected your own emotional health, and you just might have protected any child that could be there. I know that young kids don't get there by themselves, but they could be there with a parent and get out of sight just long enough to suffer terribly from someone like that.

You don't need to be sorry at all, at least in my book, for doing what you did. You should be congratulated.

Congrats,

Joe
 
Sean, thank you for breaking the silence about that guy. He clearly has a problem and I am amazed that he has not been reported before. I swim at a YMCA. The folks there would quickly note his behavior and revoke his membership.

I am sorry that such a thing happened to you. We just never know when someone will trigger something in us.

Take care, and again thanks.

Bob
 
Sean,
I think you did the right thing, especially since the guy is apparently just there to troll for sex. Good job!

Jeff
 
I feel it was my fault for even engaging him in a conversation when my intution told me not to.

Ever since I've avoided the sauna. Yesterday, I said enough is a enough. I can't let this creep prevent me from enjoying my life. I went to security and they said they'd kick him out. I feel guilty, though.
Click to expand...
Isn't it strange, that no matter the type of sexual abuse, we are all left feeling responsible and guilty in some way? It is, quite honestly, the saddest symptom of this entire thing.

Sean, you did the right thing. I know that a part of you truly knows that, despite what the fearful or guilty parts might be saying. Furthermore, no one should ever feel responsible for being abused because they didn't trust their intuition. It can serve as a reminder that you have an innate intelligence that you can rely on in the future, but it in no way makes it your fault for someone else's inappropriate behavior.

For some reason, this story seems to embody everything that SA seems to do to us. It creates self-doubt and self-blame. It robs us of things that we enjoy because we avoid them out of fear. And then, the final insult, it makes us feel guilty when we assert our boundaries or get the abuser in trouble.

I'm really glad that you stood up for yourself Sean. And any time that we stand up for ourselves in the face of fear and abuse, we are standing up for all of our fellow survivors as well.
 
Good for you Sean. And the thanks on behalf of the next person this guy was going to harass. You saved him a big hassle.

And who knows, maybe your reporting him will lead him to get some help.
 
yeah - happened to me as a freshman in college -
some man who had a gym membership to the college gym kept on masterbating behind me when i would change after swimming excercises - i was a trembling mess - i reported him too - but i didn't go back after i reported him -
 
Thanks,
I just saw this guy on campus today. They appearently haven't found him yet to offically trespass him. Again I wanted to talk to him. He was having such a nice conversation with one of the secretaries. Then I came here and read everyone's posts. What I fool I was for thinking it was my fault. My mom (my abuser) was the same way. Everyone thought she was so great. But they weren't forced to sleep with her at age 10 or 11 either. So how could they have known it was all a facade?

Yes, abusers do make us feel guilty. We feel incapable of doing anything about their abuse.
 
Sean
You did EXACTLY the right thing, and feel proud of what you did.

The guy is a perv'

Dave
 
Sean,

Lloydy has it right in so few words. The guy is a perv! You were right to not talk to him, to turn him in. No guilt, none at all.

Leosha
 
Right on Sean!

A would-be harassment victim instead turning in a perp. That is great!

Kenn
 
I was dreading this moment. I talked to the security officals and the said they won't kick him off campus. It's my word against his. I saw him in the locker-room today. He was joking with a young guy about "frisking" him. I wanted to go over and punch his face in. This guy's such a creep.

Sean Simms
 
Grrrrrr! Typical fricking cop attitude. Males can't be or feel threatened.

Jerks!

Marc
 
Sean
so complain again, the security guys will get the message eventually.

But I daresay that the rumours about this guy will eventually surface and do the rounds of the gym.
And someone will surely challenge him face to face in the locker room when it's full of people.
I bet he wont show his face there again if something like that happens?

Dave
 
I have never been a member of a gym or health club or ever gone to one and was not able to take part in high school sports because I felt too vulnerable in locker rooms.

Even the possibility of avoiding the locker room and going home to shower and change doesn't alleviate the fear I feel. Just the thought of being there has and does trigger anxiety/panic attacks. This is for reasons I do not care to remember.

Yes, you and everyone here, please keep on breaking the silence. These and all other places should be safe places for children and adults.
 
I am a regular member of a Gym and feel totally comfortable there. When I joined I sure as hell did not. Sean if it happened to me I would report it to the Manager of the Gym immediately and expect a strong response from him/her. As has been said this guy is trolling for sex or is so god damned immature he may be retarded. Whtever the case it is you that has been disrupted and not him. Tell it like it is always.

It is you who is important in this.
 
I was in the sauna at my gym once and these two guys started to engage in lewd behavior. I loudly told them to knock it off or I was going to report them. They were stunned. I didnt see either of them around the gym for quite awhile after that.

Then, I recently noticed that sort of thing was going on again. I complained to the general manager and now he and the maintenance people make regular tours through locker rooms, saunas and shower area.
 
Daniel,
You were brave because I don't think I could have done that and I think it was a good thing you did by speaking up. Reporting to the manager is a good thing as well.

Once in a fitness center, I had a guy do sexual things to me (and of course my reaction is that I freeze just like I did when I was a kid). Anyway, I wrote an anonymous letter to the fitness center telling them I was going to expose their place to the media if they didn't change some things. Things included taking extra doors off of a "hot tub area", improving the lighting in the place and having employees come through the area more frequently. There might have been other things but I don't remember now. Within days of getting the letter, I saw that the fitness center was doing all that I had asked. And it stopped the activity from happening again.

Don
 
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