Lloydy's 9/12 Post re "Brain & Genitals" in MS Forum
This is in response to the post that Lloydy made on September 12th about the connection between the brain and the genitalia and how SA short circuits it when a man makes love to his partner. Lloydy wants to know how to avoid the short circuit and said that he never talks to his wife during love-making because talking reminds him of the SA.
Lloydy,
First, I'm not and expert or even an amateur in this area but as I read your post and everyone's responses I had an idea which you might decide is worth trying. It is a kind of desensitization (I think). Set aside some private time with your wife to be spent fully clothed on the couch in any room except the bedroom. If your SA is associated with a particular room that has a parallel in your house, for example the SA occurred in the bathroom, then don't plan your private time for that room. I'm imagining the living room or family room. You can turn the lights down low or not, play soft music or not, turn the tv on low or not. The atmosphere is up to you and your wife to agree on together, with you getting the last word. Then while the two of you are sitting together on the couch, start talking to your wife about sex. Ask her what she likes, and tell her what you like. Tell her all the things about her that you love. In other words, this is the time you are practicing love talk. Try to be aware of your whole body, during this time, not just your genitals. Practice love-talking as long as you feel comfortable, then stop. Then try love-talking on the couch another time. Hopefully, you will remain comfortable for a longer period of time. When you get really comfortable with it, add making out (if you haven't already). When making out and love-talking get good and comfortable, move the whole process into your bedroom. Start out the first time lying down and love-talking with your clothes on and then, session by session, one piece of clothing at a time, gradually move from love-talking, to love-talking and making out, etc. and then to love-talking and love-making. Only move ahead to the next step when you feel very comfortable with the current step.
I don't know if this will work, but given enough patience and enough time I think it has a good chance of working at least enough to improve you and your loved one's sexual relationship. Let me know if you think it's worth trying.
Mary
Lloydy,
First, I'm not and expert or even an amateur in this area but as I read your post and everyone's responses I had an idea which you might decide is worth trying. It is a kind of desensitization (I think). Set aside some private time with your wife to be spent fully clothed on the couch in any room except the bedroom. If your SA is associated with a particular room that has a parallel in your house, for example the SA occurred in the bathroom, then don't plan your private time for that room. I'm imagining the living room or family room. You can turn the lights down low or not, play soft music or not, turn the tv on low or not. The atmosphere is up to you and your wife to agree on together, with you getting the last word. Then while the two of you are sitting together on the couch, start talking to your wife about sex. Ask her what she likes, and tell her what you like. Tell her all the things about her that you love. In other words, this is the time you are practicing love talk. Try to be aware of your whole body, during this time, not just your genitals. Practice love-talking as long as you feel comfortable, then stop. Then try love-talking on the couch another time. Hopefully, you will remain comfortable for a longer period of time. When you get really comfortable with it, add making out (if you haven't already). When making out and love-talking get good and comfortable, move the whole process into your bedroom. Start out the first time lying down and love-talking with your clothes on and then, session by session, one piece of clothing at a time, gradually move from love-talking, to love-talking and making out, etc. and then to love-talking and love-making. Only move ahead to the next step when you feel very comfortable with the current step.
I don't know if this will work, but given enough patience and enough time I think it has a good chance of working at least enough to improve you and your loved one's sexual relationship. Let me know if you think it's worth trying.
Mary
