Living with parents...
I don't really know why I'm posting this here, I guess I don't like the sound of my own voice as I whine to my friends, most of whom I haven't seen in ages, about my parents. Besides, most of my friends are working and paying rent...it just doesn't feel fare to whine and bitch to them about my mom.
But I have to vent somewhere, or else I'll end up venting in some other, less productive way.
Yesterday I asked my mom if I could move my computer into the sowing room, because it would be easier then having to move the huge pieces of furniture around my room. She seemed to think it was a really good idea. So I started re-routing my internet line into the sowing room, and then my dad completely flipped out. He said it was because he had no idea why I was doing that, because we had already planned on moving all this furniture around. He only became more confused, I'm guessing, as he only responded by saying "But we already planned to move the furniture...I thought that was what we were going to do...now we're doing something different!!!" and then he stormed off and started slamming things around.
Then, later that night, once I had everything set up, I switched the big screen on in the room next to the sowing room, so I could watch a little TV while studying and sending off resumes, etc. I then went up stairs, and into my moms room, to see if how much the noise carries into her room, because I don't want to wake her up at night. My asked what I was doing, and so I explained. THEN, she completely ignored and skirted around the fact that I was showing concern, and got really upset about the fact that I had turned on the TV. She said "You said you were just going to work in that room, we never discussed you using the TV." We have never discussed me using the TV, it's never been an issue. After trying to extract an explanation that made sense to me, she finally explains "Well, that's our space, and now it's becoming your room...we thought you were just going to work in there, but now your watching TV..." This doesn't make sense to me. I'm working with the TV on, and relaxing, all in one. Why is this such a mind bender. Yes, I am living in that room, as much as I live in the basement, and in the house. And I think know what's probably going to happen, now...they're going to want to figure out the exact terms and references of my "living space" and "working space", and they are going to try and get me to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will abide exactly by what we've hashed out, so that everything is predictable and certain. Of course, such certainty never applies to their own, ever changing whims. Perhaps I'll turn on the wrong light, or drink a cup of coffee, when coffee should only be consumed in my bedroom. There is no way for me to know when I'm infringing on this space of theirs, they are not beholden to the same requirements of absolute certainty as I am.
As well, what amazed me was how my mom completely side stepped the fact I was actually being thoughtful, and considerate. I'm writing this primarily so I don't forgot this particular observation. Because she has always done this. So often I've tried to be kind, considerate and thoughtful, and my parent completely side step it, take zero notice, and focus on some ridiculously small detail, and make that little detail out to be some devastating atrocity. Every act of kindness is always side stepped, and something, something that I had no way of foreseeing or knowing about, ends up deeply upsetting them. I mean, the TV is just eight feet away. I've watched it before. Man, I'm telling you guys, this is really, really confusing. I feel destabilized as I write this...because I have no way of knowing which thing is going to trip her off, what if I kick my feet up on her ornate, hand painted chair? Eating or drinking something? Turning a light on? I have know way of knowing what they might perceive as me supposedly trying to turn it into my own room.
Now I just feel unwelcome. I feel like maybe I shouldn't be upstairs, in the kitchen, because maybe that will be seen as me infringing on their space up there. I pointed this out to my mom, but of course, she responded "no, being upstairs is just fine." But what if I watch TV upstairs. What if I watch TV while doing homework? What if I use the computer upstairs while cooking breakfast (I already know this gives my dad a nervous breakdown, because he looms quietly in the door, behind me, muttering to himself, every time I do. Yes, he just mutters quietly, nervously, he has never actually asked me to not use his computer, he hasn't so much as removed my profile)
I don't know, my parents are a bit creepy. I hate to say it, but this is really how I feel. I feel creeped out, and wierded out by them. Confused, too. They act more like mentally disturbed teenagers then adults. Like teenagers who have never been properly socialized, yet these problems are ONLY with me and my brother, and of course, my dad has major problems with his (German) side of the family, and I don't even talk to those people. The German side of the family is not even family to me, they're just a very dysfunctional group of narcissists, asperger's, and sociopaths who I happen to be biologically related to.
It's so frustrating to deal with such passive aggressive, and dismissive, and painfully awkward people, because it's so hard for me to put my finger on why they disturb me so much...but that's just it, they are extremely repressed, and passive aggressive, to the point where the tension is unbearable, and their resulting behavior is awkward to the point of being creepy and totally inconsistent with what they say, and expect from me. My god, their denial is so profound, that if you mention something upsetting, they'll literally faze out...they go into what looks like a fugue state, like their hypnotized...they just stare blankly at the wall, and star muttering to themselves, or mutter some weird song quietly to themselves.
Is it just me, are parents, on average like mine? Are they all deeply repressed, in denial (as in dissociative), passive aggressive, continuously invalidating, and almost intentionally inconsistent and unpredictable...but all in the nicest possible way, so to speak?
But I have to vent somewhere, or else I'll end up venting in some other, less productive way.
Yesterday I asked my mom if I could move my computer into the sowing room, because it would be easier then having to move the huge pieces of furniture around my room. She seemed to think it was a really good idea. So I started re-routing my internet line into the sowing room, and then my dad completely flipped out. He said it was because he had no idea why I was doing that, because we had already planned on moving all this furniture around. He only became more confused, I'm guessing, as he only responded by saying "But we already planned to move the furniture...I thought that was what we were going to do...now we're doing something different!!!" and then he stormed off and started slamming things around.
Then, later that night, once I had everything set up, I switched the big screen on in the room next to the sowing room, so I could watch a little TV while studying and sending off resumes, etc. I then went up stairs, and into my moms room, to see if how much the noise carries into her room, because I don't want to wake her up at night. My asked what I was doing, and so I explained. THEN, she completely ignored and skirted around the fact that I was showing concern, and got really upset about the fact that I had turned on the TV. She said "You said you were just going to work in that room, we never discussed you using the TV." We have never discussed me using the TV, it's never been an issue. After trying to extract an explanation that made sense to me, she finally explains "Well, that's our space, and now it's becoming your room...we thought you were just going to work in there, but now your watching TV..." This doesn't make sense to me. I'm working with the TV on, and relaxing, all in one. Why is this such a mind bender. Yes, I am living in that room, as much as I live in the basement, and in the house. And I think know what's probably going to happen, now...they're going to want to figure out the exact terms and references of my "living space" and "working space", and they are going to try and get me to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will abide exactly by what we've hashed out, so that everything is predictable and certain. Of course, such certainty never applies to their own, ever changing whims. Perhaps I'll turn on the wrong light, or drink a cup of coffee, when coffee should only be consumed in my bedroom. There is no way for me to know when I'm infringing on this space of theirs, they are not beholden to the same requirements of absolute certainty as I am.
As well, what amazed me was how my mom completely side stepped the fact I was actually being thoughtful, and considerate. I'm writing this primarily so I don't forgot this particular observation. Because she has always done this. So often I've tried to be kind, considerate and thoughtful, and my parent completely side step it, take zero notice, and focus on some ridiculously small detail, and make that little detail out to be some devastating atrocity. Every act of kindness is always side stepped, and something, something that I had no way of foreseeing or knowing about, ends up deeply upsetting them. I mean, the TV is just eight feet away. I've watched it before. Man, I'm telling you guys, this is really, really confusing. I feel destabilized as I write this...because I have no way of knowing which thing is going to trip her off, what if I kick my feet up on her ornate, hand painted chair? Eating or drinking something? Turning a light on? I have know way of knowing what they might perceive as me supposedly trying to turn it into my own room.
Now I just feel unwelcome. I feel like maybe I shouldn't be upstairs, in the kitchen, because maybe that will be seen as me infringing on their space up there. I pointed this out to my mom, but of course, she responded "no, being upstairs is just fine." But what if I watch TV upstairs. What if I watch TV while doing homework? What if I use the computer upstairs while cooking breakfast (I already know this gives my dad a nervous breakdown, because he looms quietly in the door, behind me, muttering to himself, every time I do. Yes, he just mutters quietly, nervously, he has never actually asked me to not use his computer, he hasn't so much as removed my profile)
I don't know, my parents are a bit creepy. I hate to say it, but this is really how I feel. I feel creeped out, and wierded out by them. Confused, too. They act more like mentally disturbed teenagers then adults. Like teenagers who have never been properly socialized, yet these problems are ONLY with me and my brother, and of course, my dad has major problems with his (German) side of the family, and I don't even talk to those people. The German side of the family is not even family to me, they're just a very dysfunctional group of narcissists, asperger's, and sociopaths who I happen to be biologically related to.
It's so frustrating to deal with such passive aggressive, and dismissive, and painfully awkward people, because it's so hard for me to put my finger on why they disturb me so much...but that's just it, they are extremely repressed, and passive aggressive, to the point where the tension is unbearable, and their resulting behavior is awkward to the point of being creepy and totally inconsistent with what they say, and expect from me. My god, their denial is so profound, that if you mention something upsetting, they'll literally faze out...they go into what looks like a fugue state, like their hypnotized...they just stare blankly at the wall, and star muttering to themselves, or mutter some weird song quietly to themselves.
Is it just me, are parents, on average like mine? Are they all deeply repressed, in denial (as in dissociative), passive aggressive, continuously invalidating, and almost intentionally inconsistent and unpredictable...but all in the nicest possible way, so to speak?