Living Nightmare ***Trigger Warnings***

By August of 1981 the school recommended me to go to special Ed classes, so by October they found the worst class to put me in.

I had trouble learning cause of the trauma, and abuse, the school put me in a classroom where all 10 of the students were on their way to a detention center.

When asked who were the students, I was mortified to hear, the boy who raped me earlier in the year was already there.

For about 2 years I had to be in the same room as my rapist, what kind of sense did that make?

To make matters worse the teacher would threaten to send me to a center for people who were mentally challenged, so I had nobody to go to.

Everyday after school one of the boys would wait for me, and they beat me down.

On one occasion I turned to go downstairs and one of them pushed me in the corner of the stairwell, where he got me physically on the floor, and while students were walking by, he would kick me in the ribs, or jump on my back and continue to punch my kidneys. I barely got back on my feet and was crawling to the class I was in, when the teacher opened the door and said "Oh look, little Kenny wants to play." Then slammed the door in my face.

If by some chance I got out, without an incident, my rapist would chase me in the field in front of the school, and tackle me and begin punching me in the back.

Once I got home, if I looked like I was beat up, my stepfather would continue the abuse there by either slapping me in the face so hard, I'd get dizzy and fall on the floor, or he'd punch me in the stomach do hard that I would defecate myself.

For those years I still wonder how the hell I got out alive, and sane, I still don't know.

The teachers would talk about me, throwing their hands up in the air, and then one day I realized that I could trust some people.

It was the last day of school, when a huge car pulled up, and a teacher asked for help, I ran to help her bring some things to her classroom, she was having a end of the year party. After we brought everything upstairs, she asked me who I had the last hour, I had gone mainstream at that time, and only had 2 classes in special Ed, I told her who I had, and on the last hour, two of her students came and got me, I was invited to the party.

Me, the one everyone gave up on, and this teacher who I never met before thought of me, was kind to me.

About 10 years later, I was working for a cable station, and we had to videotape someone at one of the elementary schools.

We walked down the hall, past a open door, I moved quickly cause the crew I was with were always making me do all the dirty jobs, like set up, tear down. I no sooner got by that door, when the exact same teacher walked into the hallway, calling me young man, and putting her arm around my shoulders introduced me to her class saying "I hope all you boys and girls grow up to be like this wonderful young man."

I understood that I made a difference in this teacher's life, and she made a difference in mine, through all the hell I had to go through the physical abuse, raped, molested, bullied someone saw beneath that.

Home life was bad cause after I was raped, my step father forced me to touch him, I was really screwed up. So screwed up I needed to have someone in my corner.

Those first years were the absolute worst.

The years that followed changed my life forever, it wasn't the best, but I certainly had some outlets, to explore.


Staff member
I am so sorry the teacher became complicit in your abuse. Perhaps unknowingly in the physical abuse but certainly complicit in the mental and emotional abuse. You show great insight into the aftermath effects of the perpetrators crimes against you and TREMENDOUS strength and perserverance in overcoming.

Sorry I am so late in saying: Welcome to Male Survivor. YOU ARE NO LONGER ALONE!



I'm sorry to hear your story. I had no experiences in school as bad as yours, but I do remember those teachers who simply wrote me off as a loser, kicking me into detention until I finally figured out it was simpler to skip.

could any of them ever be bothered to try to figure out why a kid like me, who was smart enough to pass all the exams without attending classes, was always behaving so strangely?

No. Easier just to react with hostility and minimize the amount of time they had to deal with me. Were they just lazy, incompetent, mean? Take your pick.

Take care of yourself.