"Liking it" and what is abuse? TTT

[reality2k4]

The difference between the male and female bodies are pretty obvious.

A question arose here from Roadrunner aks Larry, and it is on of the frequent things that come up in chat.

It is pretty humiliating for a boy to have an erction while being abused, and it must have huge pychological impact!

The body of a male responds to touch, and in a young male, then it does not take much to arouse him. Senses of touch or other sexual exploitation seem common in experiences faced by boys.

A male has to 'perform', and maybe the 'perform' links his mind back to an abusive situation in life, and it reminds him of past events when he 'performed' in a position of coercion.

He cannot get past the fact that he did 'perform', and he cannot relate these past issues as abuse, as he physically responded to an abusive situation.

He runs this through his mind, and the answer keeps coming up, that somehow he was party to the abuse.

I am not stealing Larrys thread, I just wanted to get things a little clearer in my mind.

An abusive situation is where a child is made to perform and indecent act, but he is not old enough to perceive what sex is really about, so the guilt, anger, humiliation and all the other thousand things start to hit him.

They hit him hard, because somehow he is pigeonholing himself as 'wanting it', and this is how abusers thrive so much on taking boys' lives away.

Some of these boys have to live a life of silence, some told the authorities of which I did, with little consequence, but the ones who hide in total silence must beat themselves senseless with all this guilt "Which Never Was Yours".

It is very powerful to come here and be able to discuss these issues, even if they are so hideous in their nature, but it is an important first step in healing.

It is a big issue with me because I had nowhere to turn in life, and had to trust my own mind to get me through life, and it is not easy, as many can testify to.

I just hope this place stays a safe haven to those who have nowhere to turn, or are looking for the answers that nobody in life could furnish.

There is definitely a great deal of good to be derived from just sharing anothers hurt, and relating to it withoug invalidating their own hurt.

I spent a life of silence and invalidation coupled with all the guilt, shame, humiliation, etc., but we all need to find our own inner self, and it is only by thoughts of encouragement that we get that positive influence in either ourselves, or the positive purpose we can influence on others,

ste

 

some told the authorities of which I did, with little consequence

Hello ste,

I think it takes tremendous courage to tell the authorities. I am so sorry that nothing happened in your case. Would you recommend this course of action to others? That is, if the perpetrator is still alive, still a threat to other children?

Also, I think it must be terrible to have to live with the confusion that comes about from feeling "betrayed" by your body in the form of sexual response. Of course, the child isn't really being betrayed by his body but maybe it feels that way. I don't know. I still don't understand how I could have blocked those memories. But everyone handles things differently.

Some people cope by developing DID. Others like me cope by blocking the painful memories and focusing on only the positive events that may have happened that day. Or around the time of the incident. In other words, a lot of my happiest memories are just tiny snippets. It's like my subconscious played film editor and censored out the bad stuff. Does that make sense?

But because my abuse started when I was so little (9 months old), I don't even have some memories in the usual sense. Instead, I suffer from "body terror." Which is kind of how it must feel to a baby to be toyed with sexually one moment and nearly suffocated the next. This is what I believe my older brother did and why I constantly turned blue as a child. So now, as an adult, the body memories of that time are truly terrifying, especially because I have no words to describe them. This all happened before I had the words to think. Do you know what I mean?

Sorry, if I am rambling. I just agree with you very much. No boy, no man, should ever feel ashamed for what happened. The perpetrator is the one who should feel ashamed.

Do you agree?

Take care,

Jasper

P.S. I wish my brother were alive so I could confront him. My brother the Catholic deacon says he would report our brother if he wasn't dead. Now that would be something, don't you think?

 

[reality2k4]

Jasper,

when this happened to me, my mind blocked my memory, and I could not truly identify him.
I could not go through all of the books of photographs as a ten yo, and think there were thousands of monsters out there.

I just wanted to clean myself up from this filth, and the other thing is, that if I did make a positive identification, then would my dad kill him, and yes he would.

This is how they manipulate a kid into keeping quiet and not telling to protect his family.

It becomes pretty steep after that, because he has to at that point carry the burden of guilt that was never his own.

I felt guilt for not being able to identify the abuser, and I felt guilty sitting in school thinking I could have nailed him and got him off the streets.

I felt guilty because I never rcsognised him to stop further abuse, and I felt others could be abused by him, and took his guilt into my mind.

I wanted him to be jailed, but I had to protect my father because somehow I thought was a killer, he was a killer of people, and he never cared who he killed.

If I look back as an adult, then I would say that it was a case of almost losing my childhood to an adult, who he may have trusted.

I just want Ste to be ste, and not have so much hurt in him, cos it is too much,

ste

 

[Leosha]

Ste,

The abuse from my sport coach as I was growing up, I did not 'respond' physically, probably because he was always violent, and there was usually terror of some sort involved.

However, the inappropriate touch from my mother DID cause reaction, and I think that causes me more shame then the rest. I am not sure what events caused my sexual dysfunction now, but I'm sure it was a combination of things.

Leosha