LifesADream -- One year later

[cant_remember]

It's been a year since we lost Bryan. I think about him all the time.

Back in January, when I was in my ill-fated relationship, while driving from Phoenix to Monument Valley, we drove through Prescott. I told her the story of Bryan and how we lost him, and started crying as I told her.

I can't help but think that the small crack I opened in the door to my knowledge of male survivors beyond myself was one of the reasons she pushed me away. But I am a stronger person having known Bryan and mourned his unnecessary passing.

Now, as I type this, I am ashamed to say that I realize that I have forgotten his last name. Can someone remind me by PM? We can't forget those we love.

I'll miss you forever, Bryan.

Cant

 

[pufferfish]

I still think of Bryan.

I've done a lot of reading since then and his passing seems to fit the description of someone subjected to a certain kind of abuse. I don't know whether I should mention it publicly.

This is a sensitive time of year for me because the summer camp where I was abused began in June.

Puffer

 

[traveler]

yes, i too have thought of him often - and still miss him.
such a loss.

 

[OCN]

To me i have always been and still are intrigued with his nickname. And especially when Bryan died..

Cause some years before i found out about my abuse i had a phase in which i was reading a book about dreams and Jungian psychology and together with some other elements created the idea to me that everything is a dream. Not long after i fully embraced the idea that everything is a dream, there was some kind of flash before my eyes which lasted for about 20 minutes and 3 days after that had happened i completely lost it all.. didn't know who i was or what i should be doing with life.
Still the idea somehow intrigued me, but i tried to stay away from the idea.

So when i found out about Bryan and his story, while i was struggling with letting go of my attachment of dreams.. i don't know what it was.. there was something in the confusion i read in Bryan's posts.. i couldn't reach out, but i felt the pain. I felt connected to him because of his nickname.. pretty ackward i guess, but it didn't matter much to me. Untill he passed away..

In a way i've tried to see his death in a positive light, as a sign that i should move on and wake up. But at the same time it doesn't do justice to Bryan's legacy. He was no nickname! So that's confusing for me. Death has been a major issue in my life already, so seeing someone pass away i felt connected to.. and so yes.. i miss you Bryan!

@ Puffer: i can't tell what's the best thing to do. I wish Bryan would've known it for himself, since i know his struggle with not knowing what had happened.. Perhaps first share your thoughts with someone close to him? I can understand it's something you'd like to share!

 

[pufferfish]

Yes

From our point of view LAD's death was very tragic. Many of us had discovered that he was very good at relating to people and that he could, even though he was not yet 30, reach out to most types and ages of people. He would have made a great counselor or therapist. He was starting to talk about returning to university to achieve qualification.

I had only recently started to get to know him. I had an intensely busy few months with some music efforts. Then LAD and I started conversing about some of the things he and I were concerned about. I can post some of these conversations if I find some with a general interest. Then, especially at the last, I found I was projecting myself strongly into LAD. I saw indications that he had experienced MK-Ultra abuse, which I also had, but in lesser amounts. I could say more but I don't think it would be wise at this point. I may say more about this after a few days or weeks.

His online name, as already mentioned, was Life's-A-Dream. This somehow got shortened to LAD. That name seemed to catch on in whirlwind.

He had one of the most intriguing avatars we had experienced here. Below is a short viewing album about LAD.

(Images removed by Modteam)


Puffer

 

[cosmos]

Bryan Thomas White aka Life's a Dream

11/09/1983-05/20/2013

R.I.P. brother


I'm still greatly sad at his early passing.

Chris

 

[MG5555]

That last picture is actually of Bryan's youngest brother. And I couldn't tell you who the 3rd one down is, but it's not Bryan.
I was wondering, can anyone here help me find the post from the night/early morning that Bryan passed? I found it on his computer the morning of his passing but was too heart broke to really read it and would like the opportunity to read through it again.
I believe its title had something to do with "Am I in love with my Dad" or something to that effect.

If you can get back to me on here I would greatly appreciate it. I miss my cousin.

[img:center]https://scontent-a-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/t31.0-8/980870_10151628101278446_234933916_o.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9[/img]
I found this the day he passed written on the sidewalk a little ways away from his apartment.. and recognized it as his handwriting immediately. He must've written it sometime in the day or night before he left us.

Ok, I have to stop now. Let me know if you can help with finding the original post. Thank you in advance and thank you for being so respectful of my cousins memory.