Lifes Shit

[Mark S]

How can life be this shit? I feel as though I'm on an emotional rolercoaster. One minute I'm up, the next I feel as though life has shit on me enough and I can't wait till it's over.

Is it the physical pain I'm in, (I've got a brain disorder that causes pain and the Dr's can't control it), Is it, that the woman I love, (she called me her soulmate) left me, or is it the repeated rapes/abuse that a male nurse put me through whilst I was in hospital paralysed?

I'm really trying to be positive, going to college, so I can try to help people that have been through this same shit. But is it worth it when I can't even help myself? I see a therapist and I'm on anti depressants.

Where do we go from here? How do we ever 'get over' this shit? there's so many questions and no bloody answers.

 

[New to this]

Life's shit is what greases the wheels on our roller coasters.
When our roller coaster stops, the world looks at us and thinks were fine and having fun, and since nobody gets in line for this ride, we get to go around again.
If we sit quietly and smile, we go around again, and again....
Its time to kick and scream.

 

[RJD]

Hi Mark S
I'm not sure if you are wanting a response, but here goes. You've been very clear
here about your anger, and it is a rightious anger. Expressing that anger that is in
me has been very healing for me. I've had to do it over and over again "to get the
poison out." It has sometimes been more about needing to express it than
my needing someone to hear it. Eventually I needed someone to hear it, and
validate it. I needed a witness to my pain, so I didn't have to sit alone in my
suffering. This is a safe place where you can do that, because we know your pain
and you are not alone. Have you ever been in a "flesh and blood" men's survivor
support group? I have been both in a 12-step group focused specifically on the
abuse issues (S.I.A.) as well as a support group for men in recovery. While not
specifically for sa, I have met other survivors there too. This second group is
called New Warriors (MANKIND PROJECT) and is also an international organization.
This is a place where I did my blood and guts work I have described in another post
(my thesis.) Doing this with intent has helped me to not dump it on those I love.
It has leaked out in ways I was not even aware of and a support group helped give
me the loving supportive feedback I needed. When I moved to go to school I could
connect with loving supportive brothers in my new city. That was the advantage of
the international scope of this organization.
--------- be gentle with yourself
--------------- RJD