Life & Wanting to let go

[andrew76]

Starting to feel really low with everything going on in my life.Just got back from the hospital where I was given something with radioactive material in it and now having to let it take hold in my body then I have to return back to the hospital later on this afternoon.I am so tired of fighting just wanting to let go of everything and just say the hell with life in general.Wife and I still have not been able to get back down to the root of our marraige problem and meanwhile I feel so much more close to someone else in my life and want to be part if not entirely with this person for the rest of my life and hers even with the both of us having cancer.

Anyone heard the song by Guns & Roses knocking on heavens door this is the way I have felt lately.Emotionally and physically I am drained and having to relive some parts of the abuse by going back into the hospital alone without anyone to help me through,my wife left to go to pennslyvania and I am down here in Florida so I am dealing with all this alone last night I came home and just broke down I just can't handle it anymore,feeling so clouded and no way out.Not trying to worry anyone just feelings going through me right now and it is helping somewhat to get these down in written form to help me get through.Will keep in touch have to go back to the hospital tommorrow as well another round of tests with radiation neck today,lungs tommorrow what joy and fun.

 

[Curtis St. John]

Damn, hang in there.

 

[Grobut]

I dont know what to tell you really, if i told you the usuall "life's worth it" blah blah, i'd be a hypocrite, because i've wondered the same thing every day of my life, and besides, thouse are just empty words, they dont really help.

But yeah, it really does help to put it on paper (or screen as the case might be), tried keeping a journal? you know, put all thouse thoughts down on paper, so you can make some sence of it, its worked for me before.

 

[RICK57]

Andrew - I know the song well!

The words may say one thing:

It's getting dark; too dark to see.

But listen to the guitar - it's full of life - it reminds me of that indominatable spirit that runs through us all.

The lyrics to this song have been an emotional release for me at times, but as the song builds I feel the strength of the underlying music - iy does not lie down!

For me, 'It's getting dark' is the personal feeling that comes with depression.

'Too dark to see' - was the feeling of isolation and the inability to recognise the support that was always around me.

I haven't handed my badge over - I still need it & I'm going to damned well polish it every day.

Best wishes ...Rik