Letting go.

Letting go.
1.5 years ago, I made a choice to let go of the anger and rage I grew up with. I didn't know how to let it go, but I became willing. This anger no longer serves me.

I've struggled this past time. Big set backs. Still very angry, honestly. But I feel cracks developing in my shield of anger. And frankly, that makes me feel a little scared. This anger has held me solid for so long, it shielded me from further possible danger.

I've lived a very lonely life as a result. I'm 42. I can't continue living a lonely life. I know my time is limited. I so need to experience the best that life has to offer - friendship, love, companionship, fun, joy, connection, empathy, caring, sadness, and heart ache. I want all of it. I need all of it.

I guess I'm writing erratically on MS now. I can see how my posts have been hyperbolic; one member asked me if I was bi-polar, or had been diagnosed. No, I'm not bi-polar, but I have become aware of how I use my writing to manipulate others into giving me attention I really don't want to have.

Please accept my apologies. At times, I have acted like a drama queen. It was a tactic I used growing up - trying to get empathy from others. But over the last few years, I've developed a dissatisfaction for that kind of attention. I really would like to have fun with other people, and have a real connection.

1.5 years ago, I made a decision to let go of anger, without knowing how to do it. Now, I see a bit of this path I'm on. I look at my expressed desires and I see a fundamental change. It's painful, because I will have to let go of all this stress and tension that's held me and my identity together for so long. It's all I've ever known, and I don't know what else to be.

I find myself admiring that I am eager to see what is beautiful in other people, and when I do see it, feeling flustered and embarrassed that I don't know how to effectively approach said people. I'm baffled. Up until this point in my life, my only approach has been to people I've been sexually attracted to; all others were ignored, to be blunt.

I'm still very frustrated - I don't know how to make friends! Meanwhile, my earnest attempts at reconciling with my anger continue; I've taken up the "loving kindness" meditation again in this past couple weeks. And after just 4 days of doing it on the morning train commute, a pronounced change in my awareness of my thoughts, and having power in guiding where my thoughts go.

Do I want to think about negative things, or do I want to look for the beauty? The wisdom of the ages seems to be beckoning to me once again 'we become what we think'.

I don't know what further steps to take. I still struggle, almost on a daily basis, with anger, but, to be honest, its far less than what it was 6 months ago. I still carry a lot of anger, and I still want to let it go. All of it.

I want to let it go. If ever there was a worthy prayer that I could ask, it is to have this anger lifted from me.
 
Magellan,

Your progress may have been in fits and starts, but PROGRESS it is! Willingness is the key, and you've already got that. The rest will follow.

You certainly can count on my prayer buddy.

Be well.

Jude
 
Hello, Magellan,

To be honest, I've read many of your previous posts, especially when you have written about not knowing how to make friends. Recently, I've unraveled deep unresolved feelings inside of me and I've also found out, that I know nothing about friendships, nothing about making friends and know nothing about being a good friend... This hurts especially when I see most of the people around me and they make new friends without effort and also they they "naturally" know how to behave in a friendship. But probably, it is because their trust wasn't betrayed in a way it was betrayed during my abuse. And since the time my abuse I was very afraid of other people, I stopped spending time and playing with kids, so probably I missed an important lesson in life - developing friendships and learning how to be social...

There is a lot of anger in me, too... I also feel, that I want to experience the nice parts of life as you want and I'm starting to see how destructive my anger is. It probably would be good to let go of it for me as well...

I also didn't get much of positive attention from my family or peers, so I also adapted a lot of "destructive" ways of getting attention. I used to be a very negative person, I always had bad mood and by doing that I hoped to attract pity from others. What a failing strategy... I want to turn this around and develop healthy ways of connecting with people around me.

I am very happy that you have decided to let go of your anger. And also that you are are aware of your need to connect with people around you. I hope, that you will be guided so you will know which steps to take next.

I wish you all the best, Magellan

Andy
 
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