letter to my mom

[shadowkid]

i know you just want to forget about the part of your life that included me ,but you won't get off that easy ,i deserve more than that ,i am worth more than that .i remember when you were a real mother ,have you forgotten ? i remember sleeping on your lap ,crying on your shoulder when dad wouldnt pay any attention to me except to tell me i was a little wuusy mamas boy.then jimmy died in a accident ,and i watched you just fade away,i watched you hold his picture and just cry ,for hours ,for days ,i heard dad telling you at night that it was my fault did you think i couldnt hear? i never heard you say he was wrong.then the drinking started and you didnt even cry anymore ,when i just stopped talking for a year did you even notice? you think because you weren't there that my abuse has nothing to do with you ,you were in jail ,good excuse! but you got out i didnt .i been fighting alone all this time ,why didnt you get me out of foster care? i was your son ,didnt that mean anything ?you never once tried to find me ,you let me believe everything was my fault ,
i won't upset you with the details of my abuse but i am sending a copy of the hospital report,think about your 11year old son if you have the guts to read it. after 10 years i came to you expecting to see my mother instead i found a stranger who was upset by the fact that i might screw up the new life you built while i was slowly dying in a place so alone you cant even imagine. dont know how you can look in the mirror or sleep at night ,but i guess forgetting is what you do best.your new life is safe ok? i dont need you .i'm not 11 and you can never be the mother i needed then ,i have friends and they have helped me see that loving you is one of the worst things i ever did ,loving you hurts ,and i have had enough hurt ,you have another son now and i hope nothing happens in your life to make you give up on him like you did me ,he is my half brother and i think he should know he has a brother . but you made it clear that you dont think its a good idea for us to meet ,is it because your ashamed of me ?or yourself ?it took the call i made to you to show me that i have been loving something that didnt exist for all these years ,you threw away a great kid ,you could have been proud of me instead of ashamed ,but that would mean you would have to accept some of the blame ,not being there does not excuse you from blame .thebiggest question in my life is ,how two people as weak as you and dad ever had two really great kids ,one of them died mom ,not both ,i was still alive and hurting worse than you could imagine ,do you think i didnt blame myself ever night for what happened ?when i sat in that room with all my brothers stuff staring at me ,reminding me ,jimmy was gone and it was my fault ,my parents were gone and it was my fault ,i got abused and it was my fault ,i think i did a good job of taking the blame dont you? took it for my parents ,.thanks to my new friends i am not taking the blame anymore none of it it belongs to you do me a favor and take it back k? the son you threw away has turned out to be a very good person ,you dont even deserve to know me ,but your son does ,and someday he will .i promise you that . adam

 

[reality2k4]

(((((((adam)))))))

I address you as little adam, a great guy who I guess might find me also as a friend.

Your parents may find the error of their ways, as you still have a wish for them to love you.
None of this garbage was your fault, believe me it wasnt.

Sometimes words written can mean so much more than a phone call.
Will she throw it out, or keep it and reply to her son, I hope so.

If you love her, never give up adam, tell her I think you already did, that she abandoned you.

I hope you can get a positive response from her, but you still have your brothers here,

ste

 

[RICK57]

Adam - you cannot change biology, but I hope your letter has the impact that you really wish for. Friends are the family that you choose for yourself - remember that!

Best wishes ...Rik

 

[Elad 12]

Adam,

Man, that is a powerful letter. I think she needs to hear you. There are people, your friends who really care about you and she needs to hear that too. It's a great letter Adam. I don't know what else to say.

Dale

 

[Hauser]

I'm glad you wrote this letter Adam.

Guys? Tell me if I'm wrong but I can swear that Adam is healing!

You probably weren't ready to send this letter for a long time, but you are ready now.

I wouldn't change a word, just send it.

 

[caointeoir]

that's an amazing letter.

with some really strong insight. makes me nod in acknowledgement. seems you traveled quite a way to get where you are. i'm impressed.

 

[jesse7]

Adam,

Sometimes I wonder whether having no parents is better than having bad parents. I was jealous of my older brother. He was always the favorite and I felt like I was just another piece of crap lying around the house. No one knows about my abuse except for my mother and she has decided to never speak of it again.

I guess all we can do is say what is in our heart. Give her the letter and tell her what's in your heart. You have our support no matter what happens.

Jesse