letter to my Dad

[hemi1024]

Dad here are some things that will be hard for you to here as well for me to write.I was sexualy abused by a freind of yours it started when I was 9 and went untill I was 12.He made me feel good about myself and he would prais me thats how he got to me. Dad there were many times I tried to tell you but each time I did it was like you didn't believe me. The time when your bosses kid in Colarado beat me up Iwas told by the kid to make up excuses to cover up his pain on me or he would hurt me worse the next time. I told Sherry after she cut my hair and pushed the truth out of me for I was scared to death to tell anyone. Then when you came to pick me up and she told you what had realy happened next thing I know is that we are going to pick up the kid from school. Then you ask me to tell him what I told Sherry I looked away and said nothing. So you told him that he was the one who gave me the bruises on my face,black eye,chipped tooth. You both laughed about and said I was making it for attention. This was a turning point for me I new that I would never be able to tell you anything again. It gets worse I get raped and thrown on top of ant beds red ants as he kicks them so they bite me all over my body including my genetals and he is laughing the whole time. I ask a teacher to go and live with him because I can't take this any more I would cry my self to sleep and pray to die in my sleep there was never any peace. You got up set and we moved and that night as I was taking a bath you asked how I got the black and blue marks on the back of my legs. From the kids wrist rocket sling shot clay balls at me. Then we moved in with your friend to Idaho there your friend praised me gave me things made feel good about my self then took advantage of me. I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would be over the top of me stroking me and doing oral stuff to and covering my mouth so I would not say anything and yes he also threatened me that if I told he would cut my dick off and that I would be taken away from you.Dad I felt trapped so I asked for cigs and he gave me some but stopped and thats when I started stealing them this was my way of dealing with the shame the pain that went with being forced to give oral sex to him and him takeing his finger and going in from behind and telling me he can't wait to put his dick inside me and he did this to by gaging me so I could not scream this hurt so bad tears going down my face. The shame I was confused but when he tried to get your girl friends kid and I drunk off the wine he got thats when we told both of you and to this day have not seen him since. Dad I have always felt like you were a shamed of me I never could do anything to make you proud. You put me down a lot and with all this plus becoming a adult I drank way to much and tried to kill myself three times overdose,gun,car. I was lost for along time but I am a surviver.

 

[roadrunner]

Hemi,

This is a really good letter. You tell him most of what he needs to hear. You give him the facts, you explain how badly you were hurt, and you let him know what you consider his role to be in all this.

The only thing he isn't getting here is an idea of what you want now. Are you looking for reconciliation and a rebuilding of your relationship? Are you looking for an apology? Do you see any possibility for your relationship with him, or are you saying this is it, goodbye?

If you haven't sent the letter yet, you might want to consider adding a final paragraph dealing with these questions. Or if you have already sent the letter, you might want to let him know in some other way.

Much love,
Larry

 

[mphsrvivor]

Hemi,

I'm glad you wrote this letter. I know how tough writing such a letter can be. You did well in telling him about the abuse and how it affected you. You really show how you were betrayed by him when you turned to him for help.

Larry is right on the money about stating what you are expecting from him by telling him all of this. Although you should have had the dad who would have known what to do, the fact is you didn't. For whatever reason he was incapable or unwilling to help you. He probably still is incapable of helping you on his own. He will need to be guided in the right direction here as well.

Well done. Be proud of that letter. You are regaining some of what was taken from you.

 

[ForeverFighting]

Perfect letter, hemi. Absolutely perfect. I disagree with the comments about making the letter "more perfect". Sometime we get so hung up on doing everything whatever the proper and correct way is, that we forget to just feel it. The emotions are in that letter. Perfect.

I'm so sorry for what you were forced to go through. If you're thinking about it, and you're up to it, I'd send that letter. But whatever you do, I bet you felt a lot just putting it down in writing, huh? Writing it out is so good for us.

Take care, my brother.