Letter I'd like to give my husband.
If anyone (guys or gals)has time and the inclination, I'd like you to read this. I'm hoping to open up some communication with my husband, and hope this letter does not come across as incriminating or blaming, and I'm in need of an honest opinion. Perhaps what I can add or change, etc. Last thing I want to do is push him away more by asking for some (or any)communication, but I have to try...
Thanks all-
Here it is:
I've been thinking and wanted to write to you in hopes of opening up some communication. I hope to hear back from you, either via e-mail or in person, but I cannot force you to communicate with me, that is up to you.
I feel very isolated from you. I wonder why, when we can talk so freely and communicate so well on most things, that when it comes to what might be bothering you, triggering you, or making you feel sideways, that you cannot come to me or communicate to me what may be happening. In doing so you would help me to understand you, and cope with things so much better. As Al Pacino said in the movie Scent of a Woman, "I'm in the dark here". That's how I feel, in the dark. I know you say that I should use my powers of discernment to come to a conclusion about how you are feeling or what your demeanor is, but if that's all I'm left with, my own deductions about things, it is never going to be correct. I need your communication, so very much. For me to remain silent and give you space is one thing, but to not communicate what is going on with yourself to me seems to lack some civility. I feel like an intruder when I ask you about things, almost as if I wasn't your wife but an untrusted reporter trying to glean information out of a reluctant person. If I dare to comment about something that has to do with your mood or something that happened, at times you just come back with "I am not, or I did not, or that's not entirely true" types of responses. It leaves me with nothing, other than to question myself and my ability to understand and interact with you.
Could you help me understand why it is so hard to communicate, even the small things that are bothering you? Maybe over e-mail it wouldn't be so confrontational. We used to have quite the dialogue between us by e-mail, and I miss that because it allowed us to talk through some things without it being in-your-face, so to speak. You know that I love you more than anything, and perhaps it is only me feeling these things, I don't know. But I do feel something, and that is distance and withdrawal. I don't like the dance of withdrawal that we seem to do, it doesn't feel right. Silence is followed by more silence, space by more space, and at times I know that's necessary, but without loving, honest, sincere communication (on anything, how you feel about your job situation, the children, the past, or your ex, whatever), I feel we make no progress or that we are just ignoring something that is glaringly obvious.
There is so much I'd like to talk with you about, so much. There never seems to be an opportune time, or mood, to do it. I guess with all that is going on in our lives that the sacrifice that has to be made is between you and me, in order to keep the machine rolling (kids, exes, family, work, and all the relationships intertwined). Perhaps I'm just missing some time for "us", to talk, to connect. One day rolls in to the next and it feels that time is pressing on and we're left behind, or maybe just me.
Thanks all-
Here it is:
I've been thinking and wanted to write to you in hopes of opening up some communication. I hope to hear back from you, either via e-mail or in person, but I cannot force you to communicate with me, that is up to you.
I feel very isolated from you. I wonder why, when we can talk so freely and communicate so well on most things, that when it comes to what might be bothering you, triggering you, or making you feel sideways, that you cannot come to me or communicate to me what may be happening. In doing so you would help me to understand you, and cope with things so much better. As Al Pacino said in the movie Scent of a Woman, "I'm in the dark here". That's how I feel, in the dark. I know you say that I should use my powers of discernment to come to a conclusion about how you are feeling or what your demeanor is, but if that's all I'm left with, my own deductions about things, it is never going to be correct. I need your communication, so very much. For me to remain silent and give you space is one thing, but to not communicate what is going on with yourself to me seems to lack some civility. I feel like an intruder when I ask you about things, almost as if I wasn't your wife but an untrusted reporter trying to glean information out of a reluctant person. If I dare to comment about something that has to do with your mood or something that happened, at times you just come back with "I am not, or I did not, or that's not entirely true" types of responses. It leaves me with nothing, other than to question myself and my ability to understand and interact with you.
Could you help me understand why it is so hard to communicate, even the small things that are bothering you? Maybe over e-mail it wouldn't be so confrontational. We used to have quite the dialogue between us by e-mail, and I miss that because it allowed us to talk through some things without it being in-your-face, so to speak. You know that I love you more than anything, and perhaps it is only me feeling these things, I don't know. But I do feel something, and that is distance and withdrawal. I don't like the dance of withdrawal that we seem to do, it doesn't feel right. Silence is followed by more silence, space by more space, and at times I know that's necessary, but without loving, honest, sincere communication (on anything, how you feel about your job situation, the children, the past, or your ex, whatever), I feel we make no progress or that we are just ignoring something that is glaringly obvious.
There is so much I'd like to talk with you about, so much. There never seems to be an opportune time, or mood, to do it. I guess with all that is going on in our lives that the sacrifice that has to be made is between you and me, in order to keep the machine rolling (kids, exes, family, work, and all the relationships intertwined). Perhaps I'm just missing some time for "us", to talk, to connect. One day rolls in to the next and it feels that time is pressing on and we're left behind, or maybe just me.
)